i was put in foster care when i was born and was adopted at 6 weeks. i have always wondered about my mother and found out that she was 17 year old when she had me and thats about it. i was looking at my adoption papers and noticed some white out on it and i scratched it off and got my moms name. i know you are probably thinking no way but yes way it was on there. i dont think that paper should have been in there and to top it off it was a closed adoption. i almost can not believe they made that mistake. anyway i know her full name and where she lives. i am nervous to call and mainly scared.
if you were adopted and knew who your mother was would you contact or not? ↓
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| Name: vane20 | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:12 PM |
| i would probably want to but i dont think i'd know what to say to her.... ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:14 PM |
| thanks for being the ONLY one that replied. i am sooo confused i just dont know what to do..... ↑ |
| Name: Karen- | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:22 PM |
I am just too much of a curious person.. I think I would have to know or at least see her. Who knows she may have been thinking about you this whole time and thinking about how you were and what you looked like. BUT then there is always a chance she doesnt want to dig up those old memories.
If I were you I would look her up I mean AT LEAST then you could never wonder what may have happened. ↑ |
| Name: vane20 | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:24 PM |
| do u know what u wanna say to her if you were to call her?? i have no idea but i think that if i was happy with my parents, i dont know, im not sure i would want to contact her. It would be so akward, plus i think i'd be angry ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:24 PM |
| thanks karen i just dont wanna hurt my parents feeling i mean i dont want them to think they did a bad job of raising me and i am looking for more. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:26 PM |
| my mom was 17 years old at the time so i think the real reason to contact would just be a why......was it her choice or did she not have one. did her parents force her to give me up due to her age or was it her choice. and if it was her choice was it because she wanted to better my life or just not want me. ↑ |
| Name: Karen- | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:28 PM |
| I would show up on her doorstep.. I would just have to see what she looked like. I am sure your parents would understand if you told them it is not at all that you were looking for better parents because they were the best and only parents for you but you were just curious about your birthmom and how she looked and how her life went, if you had any brothers or sisters you didnt know about and I would want to know about her medical history for the kids too... see there are lots of reasons... it all depends on how open your birthmom is to it all. ↑ |
| Name: Karen- | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:28 PM |
| Call her... and be professional.. ask her how she is and tell her who you are and take it from there. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:35 PM |
| i think i will......gosh soooo nervous..... ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:35 PM |
| i think my first word honestly will be why. ↑ |
| Name: amminn55 | Date: May 15th, 2007 9:54 PM |
| they why you should know... she wanted you to have a better life. She was prob to young to care for you. I would def call her. She's probably been waiting for the day that you come looking for her. I know that if it were me, i would call. After all this time, she's not your mom, but she is genetically your mother and curiousity kills. Of course you want to meet her!!! ↑ |
| Name: missmara | Date: May 15th, 2007 10:18 PM |
My husband is adopted. It was a closed, private adoption and he has spent a lot of time and energy searching for his birth parents. He is on several lists where they matched adopted children with their birth parents. Both the adopted child and the birth parent have to be on the list in order for the info to be given out.
On the other hand, my mother gave up a baby for adoption when she was really young - before my sister and I were born. She absolutely does not ever want to be contacted by that child. I'm interested in finding this woman who shares half my genes, but at the same time want to respect my mother's wishes. I think in your situation you should consider your birth mother's feelings about it as well as your own, and be prepared for anything. She may be thrilled, or she may be extremely upset. Do you know the circumstances? What if she was raped or something? I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad, just for you to consider both sides. ↑ |
| Name: amminn55 | Date: May 15th, 2007 11:16 PM |
| i totally understand your point missmara and it makes me want to recant what i said. I never thought about it like that. I agree with you, be ready for anything. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: May 15th, 2007 11:28 PM |
I have a couple of girlfriends...we'll call them Betty and June...lol....Betty and June were very close friends....Betty met a guy named "Bob" and they eventually got married, and a little while later June met "Jack", and they got married....So the four of them grew closer and Jack and Bob became the bestest of friends. Now....Bob was adopted, and always wanted to find his birth parents....he was just curious....so he searched and searched....years went by, and finally he found some info on his parents. He looked into a little more, did a little more digging...he found out he had a brother!!! His birth parents had another baby some years after him and decided to keep this one. Well it turned out that JACK was his brother!!!!! I'm not kidding!!!! isn't that CRAZY????????????? anyways....they're still the best of friends....Bob has gotten to know his birth parents a little...he's not TOTALLY close with them and probably never will be, but they're all friends...they all go on camping trips together and stuff....but to him, his adoptive parents are HIS parents.
crazy story eh? i almost SHAT when I heard about it!! he he he ↑ |
| Name: Karen- | Date: May 15th, 2007 11:29 PM |
| Wow Brooke that is CRAZY! I have heard stuff like that can happen! But wow! ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 16th, 2007 12:51 AM |
| thanks girls i think one day i will call but i will talk to my parents first. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 16th, 2007 12:51 AM |
| thanks for the great advice . ↑ |
| Name: question | Date: May 16th, 2007 12:54 AM |
| Hey girl.Only go for it if you are prepared for the bad as well as the good.She may not be ready to talk to you yet,and then again she might be longing to.I would have a friend contact her first and see how she feels about it then you won't get personally hurt.It won't be such a direct hurt this way if she isn't ready for contact.Good luck.Keep us posted. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 16th, 2007 1:55 AM |
| thanks.i think i will be ok if she dosent want to talk. i have my own family now and thats all that matters. i am just wanting a couple of questions answered thats all. i dont think i will want to meet or keep in touch. i dont know but i will keep everyone posted when i do.; ↑ |
| Name: Karen- | Date: May 16th, 2007 2:00 AM |
| Yes... let us know how it goes! ↑ |
| Name: Coartney | Date: May 16th, 2007 3:11 AM |
| i know of my dad b/c him an dmy mother were together, and up til i was 18 i kept trying to find him and contact hi and had no luck, at almost 21 ive given up but sometimes do a random search online to see if his name will appear anywhere :-\ ↑ |
| Name: AivenorBB? | Date: May 16th, 2007 4:12 AM |
| It depends on how you feel about it, if you are at all resentful towards her, I would wait until you feel peace. My husband was adopted and knew his mothers name too, a lot of the same situation, he was never supposed to know, but he found it on a paper. He never found her though, but it is a good thing, because he holds a lot of anger. But I wish you luck no matter what. ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: May 16th, 2007 5:01 AM |
Perhaps phoning her is the wrong way to initiate contact. If you have her address you can easily pen a letter and then give her your email address, postal address and phone number. In the letter you can introduce yourself, say that your adoptive parents did a great job and there is no hard feelings for being adopted, and that your curiosity led you to looking for answers and although it was a closed adoption you found her name on your certificate and hope that over the years that perhaps she had changed her mind about it being closed and now you want the opportunity to learn about her and perhaps meet her one day. I am kind of clueless as I am not adopted but 2 of my cousins are, one of them said "Well f**k them, they didn't want me, so I don't want them, I am happy with my life and my family so why meet a stranger?" and the other one had to do a search as she had to look for family members to donate their bone marrow when she was ill, her biological mother told her to "F**k off, I don't want anything to do with you and I don't want my new family to know anything about you". Thankfully she had a full blood sibling and she met her and she donated her bone marrow. But sadly my cousin died.
Be prepared for the nastiness, that's why I think a letter, a REGISTERED letter is the way to go.
Keep us posted. I am excited for you and hope it is a positive in your life. ↑ |
| Name: Meagan | Date: May 16th, 2007 5:29 AM |
| Gee thats a hard one.. my dad was adopted and found his mum on the internet.. He rang her up and she ended up flying over to see him... She was 17 when she had him as well... ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: May 16th, 2007 9:36 AM |
| I am adopted, but I don't know who my biological parents are. The reason I don't want to know is because they rejected me and without good reason ... People who aren't adopted don't understand the turmoil involved ... Just showing up or phoning her ... What if she rejects you again? That's the MAIN reason I wouldn't want to contact my biological parents, for fear of being rejected again. If you do choose to contact her, be prepared for that. She may well have moved on, had another family, and if you were put up for a closed adoption as I was, the fact is she didn't want you in her life then. She may well now! But you take that risk with contacting her. It's YOUR decision. As an adopted person myself, who understands your situation 100%, I know how you feel. Give it a lot of thought ... ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: May 16th, 2007 9:42 AM |
| If you do choose to contact her, I think you're very brave. :) Because although I've thought about it, I couldn't contact my biological family. I hold a grudge against them. My biological mother was a married, adult woman, married to my father!! So your situation is slightly different in that your biological mother was young and possibly vulnerable. I hope you make the right decision for yourself ... :) ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 16th, 2007 1:34 PM |
| thanks, its a hard desicision and i want to consult my family first just in case the worst does happen i will need them to comfort me. i am not asking her to love me or want me i think i deserve answers to put a close to this all. just because she did a close adoption and she knows all the answers this isnt closed for me. she has not gotten married as her name is in the phone book and she still has her parents last name. i will be making my decision at the end of the week and i will keep yall all posted. ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: May 21st, 2007 7:51 PM |
| i found the letter that i wrote to her a year ago and thank god i didnt send it because i was researching her name and she moved. if anyone is from corpus christi and knows where meadowpass is let me know. ↑ |
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