My daughter turned 18 in June and since then shhe has done nothing but drink and drug. I don't see her unless she needs money or cigs. Sat was my birthday and I didnt see her at all she had to be at the party house they cooked ribs (that was her excuse) We have bought her a car and done everything to get her started in life but she doesn't care. Well last night was the last straw she didnt come home and when she did she gace me the im 18 and i don't have to do anything you tell me. so I took the car and kicked her out. all i was asking her to do is get a job. I wanted her to be in this house by 10 so she could get up to go look. did I do wrong? Should I let her back in?
Thanks
Kelly ↓
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| Name: Sharla | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 11:29 AM |
| I think kicking her out was a bit extreme, but then again I dont know exactly whats going on there. I would have taken her car and wouldnt give her any money, so that way if she wanted to go out and get drunk and that she'd have to get a job. If you dont mind me asking, does she study during the year? or does she just stay at home doing nothing? If shes on holiday from school, I wouldnt recommend her getting a full.time job, but definatly a part-time one, because she has to relax a bit before the next academic year starts. Just my thoughts on it, (im saying this from an 18 year olds point of view btw). Take care ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 12:35 PM |
SHE IS A SPOILED BRAT...BELIEVE ME SHE ISNT ALONE. STOP GIVING HER MONEY. SHE'LL FIND A JOB THEN. AND THE CAR TAKES INSURANCE YOUR PAYING FOR IT I ASSUME. WELL STOP,STOP,STOP. YOU ARE INABLEING YOUR DAUGHTERS BAD BEHAVIOR.
WHY WOULD THESE KIDS ACT RESPONSEBLY WHEN WE DO EVEYTHING FOR THEM. MAKE THEM BE ACOUNTABLE. HAVENT YOU HEARD OF CO-DEPENDANTS.
CUT HER OFF. ↑ |
| Name: Ari | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 3:12 PM |
I don't think that kicking her out was too extreme. When I was 18 (with a job and a car that I'd purchased mysef), my mom kicked me out because she was sick of me being out at all hours of the night.
Don't back down on this one. She might be 18, but she DOES need to listen to you if she expects to stay under your roof. I don't advise letting her back in at this point, but if you feel that's best you need to set some ground rules beforehand. I'm not really clear on whether or not she's in high school or not from your post, so I'm not going to get too specific. The best thing that you can do for her at this point is to cut her off unless she's willing to abide by your terms, which should include knocking off the booze and drugs and getting herself at least a part-time job. ↑ |
| Name: momofangels | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 3:48 PM |
| I don't think you did the wrong thing.When I was 18 I had my own car,paid my own insurance,bought all my own clothes,etc.Now I am 24 (single)and have my own house totally paid for,2002 vehicle,paid for etc.however if my parents had just handed me the world I would have really went off the deep end. ↑ |
| Name: Shauna | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 8:29 PM |
| You were not too harsh by any means. You are giving her an idea of the real world. Bosses will not tell your daughter that it's okay for her to come into work late, school will not tell her it's okay to come in late, so her expecting you to say it's okay was very immature. Right now I would kill to get a job. She needs to learn that you will not always be there to coddle her and the world is 10 times less considerate. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 9:06 PM |
Illl tell you a little story....My 24 year old son is a user, why? Im not sure. He was raised by hard working parents. His grandparents worked there whole lives. Matter of fact my mom is past retirement age and still works parttime/fulltime at Wels fargo. But he has a hard time keeping a job. while he is bouncing from job to job he is spounging off his friends and now lives with my mom free. Why he doesnt live with me is because I said he had to pay me 100.00 a month. Can any of you live anywhere for 100.00 a month. HECK NO. he was suppose to live at moms a short while so he could pay down his debt he aquired while living the high life and rent free. (guess his friends got sick of it too) Now he has a girl friend he lives with....for free.
This has really gotten him somewhere he is 24 years old and still has no clue. BUT THERE IS A SUCKER BORN EVERY DAY.
I'm just the mother that hangs her head. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:19 AM |
| She's 18 and very disrespectful to you so yes,you did the right thing and no you shouldn't take her back in. Let her learn some hardcore experiences for herself. That should force her to grow up and appreciate you alot more.If you are always there to prvide a cushion for her then she will always expect it and never change her ways. When you start getting some respect and appreciation from her,then and only then should you help her out a little,but still even then don't go overboard because she has to learn to stand on her own two feet and take care of herself. ↑ |
| Name: granny2be | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 9:54 PM |
| My oldest daughter is 17. She has been at her current job for about 6 months. She pays her cell phone bill, the co pay on her doctor visits and prescriptions and she and her 18 year old brother have recently paid the deposit on a 2 bedroom apartment they will share. She is very responsible, respectful and gets excellant grades in school. If at 17 she can behave properly and obey her curfew, be in as required...then your 18 year old should be able to as well. What you did is called "tough love", I know it's hard...but stick to your guns! ↑ |
| Name: elizabth garcia | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 9:04 PM |
| No you did not do anything wrong. You should leave her out of the house and let her see what life is really like, and let her see if her friends are going to open up their doors to her. Dont give her back the car and dont feel bad thats why these kids of today are so screwed up because to many parents give in and let them do whatever they want. Dont stress over this or you'll make yourself age faster then what your supposed to. ↑ |
| Name: Steph | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 1:36 PM |
| i honestly dont know how i found this website or your story but my heart told me to give you the insight of another girl who has just recently turned 18 herself and is much alike your daughter... well kicking her out was definately the wrong move cause the last thing she wants is to feel abandoned.. i have felt this many times before and its terrible it doesn't make them feel any better she will only resent you for it... you need to support her emotionally and dont make everything about you and your birthday.. put yourself in her shoes she has the world at her feet right now and anything she wants can be hers and she wants it all so let her try these things.. she will get hurt but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind... she needs to experience things for herself and if you are there to support her and give her guidence she will be fine.. how much time do you spend with your daughter doing the things that she likes even just favourite past times... small things even just flicking through baby photos or making afternoon treats.. these are the things that i wish my mother would do with me and maybe i would go home more often and spend time with my family... dont just give her everything materialistic cause she will abuse it instead comfort her compromise with her make her your best friend.. encourage her to get a job but dont force her otherwise she will just be more reluctant to the idea just mention the money, the benefits and the experience... maybe help her find one help her write a resume/cv (i dont know what you call them i live in australia) gain trust in her.. i partied before i was 18 and after and my parents were so upset at the state i was in i was shocking i saw past drinking drugs and nightclubbing eventually even without these qualities that i would like my mum to have, that i am sharing with you however this took alot of thinking and self motivation... which sounds like your daughter doesn't have alot of (not meaning to insult you at all)... please take this in as advice from someone in the shoes of your daughter.. she needs you all the time even if you dont see it ... good luck xxxxxxxxxxx ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 2:54 PM |
| I would tell her that she is welcome to come home any time she wants, BUT! she will have to obay by your house rules. Tell her she is to get a job! that she is not hanging arond the house all day. I wouldnt give her any money and let her know she will paying her car expences, also give her a reasonable time limit to have a job in place. If she doesnt do what you ask in the time frame you gave her, then put her back out! Every house hold has rules, we all have to obide by them or the living envirment will crumble. Be firm mom! ↑ |
| Name: CutsBruises | Date: Sep 12th, 2006 6:17 PM |
I think youve proborbly scared her enough by now..
let her back in, and if she does it again, then do it for good.
She must learned not to be so damn self centered ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Sep 14th, 2006 5:51 PM |
| Layne,sorry to hear that. I've known a few "adult children" who just can't seem to get their lives together either. I don't understand it. I don't know if it's just a "thing" with a certain generation or what it is. I do suppose though that eventually these "kids" will either have to grow up and do what's right or else go homeless someday because you can only sponge off of friends and family for so long and then your on your own. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Sep 14th, 2006 6:30 PM |
| Lizzy- thanks. he is still with girlfriend he does pay for somethings. But not like you think a man should. But she is crazy over brandon so I guess she doesnt mind. I ask him the other day if he would cut p a tree that had fallen in the back yard. he goes what are you paying me. Im thinking what have you ever payed. Oh it pisses me off to know end. But I do think your right this generation just has no shame when it comes to money. Oh there are exceptions but its bad. I hope this turns around before my next two are out on there own. ↑ |
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