|
I need help, I have a 18 year old girl who has just moved out of my house against my wishes. Her biggest problem living at home, is she had a 1:30 curfew. She never takes responsibility for anything she does. Now since she has moved out 4 days ago, she has been doing nothing but drinking. She was going to Tech school and working 2 jobs, Also opened up a checking account, and now owes the bank more than $500.00 in overdraft charges. The things that I am hearing about her is breaking my heart. I also know she has been lieing to me for sometime. It's very hard to play tough love, but I think that might be my only hope.....Please help ↓
|
|
| Name: bianca | Date: Jan 4th, 2006 3:32 AM |
| mom, the last thing you want to do is play tough love. you cant do that now cause shes not there and that will make her fall deeper into her hole. right now she needs a friend, so be that before her mother. i had a bad drug problem last year and hid it from my mom. i started hurting the family and finally told her. well actually my boyfriend told her but i came clean. she was my friend giving me tough love, but i was still at home. i think it would be a bad idea now since shes not under your supervision. step 1 is understanding that you cant make someone stop, they have to be ready,so please be there when shes needs to cry. [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Agnes | Date: Feb 12th, 2006 2:52 AM |
| I agree with you. She'll have to learn her own lessons from this. That's probably the only thing that's going to work. Don't bail her out on your own, but if she asks for help, give it. Then be there for her. Just let her know you can't do it every time (bailing out). ↑ |
| Name: nick | Date: Feb 13th, 2006 6:35 PM |
| i feel for and to let you no that your not alone thier is satanic attack on the youth of today we have to love even when it hurt bend but do not break from your rules of your home ↑ |
| Name: tu tut tut | Date: Mar 7th, 2006 2:56 PM |
you only have youraself to blame if you had comprimised more with allowing her to go out past 1.30,,, she is 18 years old thats a younge woman.. being 18 is the best years of your life.. do you really think that she would want to come home at 1.30 in the morning if all her mates are still out having fun!!!
you done this too her.. now you cant fix it... learn from it ↑ |
| Name: Moon | Date: Mar 15th, 2006 10:34 AM |
One thing to remember when using Tough Love - Be firm but when they do fall, be compasionate. Make sure she knows that you still love her but you're not going to put up with her behavior.
She is 18 so she is considered an adult. Her bills are her responsibility. Her underage drinking may end her up in jail but it's her adult decision.
Not everything that your daughter does will reflect on you. It's not your fault.
My parents and I don't talk much and I'm 40.
They wanted to keep in control of my life. The more they tried, the more I went aginst them.
My mother told me that if I moved out of their home, I would not be welcomed back - ever. (I was 23)
I am now a single widowed and divorced mom of 6. My parents have called child protective services on me for everything from sex/lesbianism/abuse/neglect. All unfounded.
I have struggled with my independance all my life.
My mother/father are now 84yrs old. Mom just recently underwent 2 big cancer operations. I know they want me back the way it was but because they have spent the majority of their lives trying to keep in control the way they did, by telling everyone around me (including my children), all visits are short - sweet and far between.
I miss my family but I and my children don't need to be reminded of the truths and fiction of my past every time we see them.
Don't let this happen to you. Let her go and experience life but be there without judgement when she needs you.
If not, you both loose. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 31st, 2006 4:56 PM |
| Shes 18 now. Let her go ,shes already moved out anyway.You will never have control of her again and considering her turnout I have to wonder if you ever had any control of her at all.She will make her own mistakes now and possibly end up in jail for some of them but helping her out of bad situations now will only enable her to keep getting into trouble because she will always think mom will bail her out.Maybe you can be a better mother to your adult daughter.Let her make mistakes,but also let her learn from them even if it is the hard way.You will be glad later on.She will grow up but not until SHE is ready.Let her go and dont (band-aid) her problems.If she falls,let her fall hard,its the only way she will learn now. ↑ |
| Name: Sharla | Date: Jul 12th, 2006 5:53 PM |
| Well, I personally think that you only have yourself to blame. She is 18 and having a 1.30 am curfew is not normal, she shouldnt have one at all. Then instead of moving out she may have stayed at home and made her mistakes there and have you there for guidance. Tough love doesnt work when youre dealing with a teenager or an adult in your case. You need to give them space and STOP trying to control her every move. That has what has driven her away from you and to be honest Im not surprised. As for the person that said spank her; do it if you NEVER want to hear from her again. Youve made the ultimate mistake as a parent of someone that age and that is not controlling what they do. I know that I might sound tough, but thats reality. Now she has moved out, let her makeher own path through life. ↑ |
| Name: Ghost | Date: Jul 17th, 2006 7:52 AM |
|
|
