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Help! My fifteen year old does nothing but yell at me all the time. I'm being too nice, I'm being too mean, I'm being too loud, I didn't make the right dinner, I try to hard to please her, I don't do enough for her - nothing is ever right! I know that it is normal for teens to be moody but it's driving me up the wall! Worse still, my 12 year old is getting in on the action since she she's her big sister doing it. I can't take another seven years of this! How do I keep myself from checking into a mental asylum? ↓
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| Name: Jackie88 | Date: Jun 13th, 2005 8:54 PM |
| I am the mother of a grown-up daughter, and a twelve-year old son, so I feel your pain! My daughter was just the same at that age...she was all rebellion and screaming and shouting. Try to give her some space and let her work her moods out for herself. If this doesn't work, try talking with her, or ask her to go outside and have her moods! ↑ |
| Name: Leah | Date: Jun 19th, 2005 8:08 PM |
I don't know since I have a moody 13 yo with boobs, PMS, and a really snotty attitude, myself. But I do know that teens need their parents, no matter what ,so no matter how nasty they get we have to remain steadfast in our motto that "I still love you." I was getting exasperated, snotty, you're-so-stupid, you-never-listen toned comments last night that I finally pulled the car over and said "OK, I'm listening. I'm always listening, but if you need my whole undivided attention, you've got it now." This of course, was met with tears, glares and silence.
Jackie88 - I do that that too. I'll take the crap for so long until I finally say (calmly) "Go away. Go outside. Go walk your dog. Go to your room. Just don't come around me until you've got your attitude better. Go find your happy face. I have moods too and you don't like it when I'm a grouch...so don't be to me." ↑ |
| Name: Teensx2 | Date: Jun 20th, 2005 5:49 PM |
| It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one going through this. If only someone could come up with a cure. I mean, menopausal women get pumped full of synthetic hormones to "minimize" the symptoms of menopause - why can't we do the same to teens? Get their hormone levels evened out and give everyone (or at least parents) some sanity. ↑ |
| Name: lori | Date: Jun 28th, 2005 12:33 AM |
| it's a comfort to know that i'm not the only one!!! my 2 teen girls drive me crazy..nothing is ever good enough..it sad when you feel used by your own kids!! ↑ |
| Name: robin | Date: Jun 29th, 2005 4:35 PM |
| sometimes its just best if you give them there space. i have a fourteen year old daughter who is the same way. ↑ |
| Name: Tee | Date: Jul 19th, 2005 7:34 PM |
| Teenx2, the first thing that you need to know is that you can do nothing. You need to give all your problems to God and ask him to help you. After that first step, sit and talk to your teens. Don't allow them to talk, you do all of that. There is absolutely no reason for you to have to feel like you can't handle YOUR children in YOUR house. Lay down some ground rules and if they can't abide by them offer them the door and watch who will leave (neither one of them because you are providing for them, not them for you)! Stop caring so much. If they don't like the dinner then someone will just have to be hungry won't they? And it won't be you! The buck stops here! The younger daughter does not have to follow this pattern, only if you allow it. Teensx2 start to pray and watch how things start to change. ↑ |
| Name: MomandKids | Date: Jul 22nd, 2005 7:10 PM |
| My 18 year old daughter is running away to Oregon with her "boyfriend". They hid this activity from my husband and I until 5 days ago. There is nothing legal I can do to stop them. They have quit their jobs and packed their stuff. This adventure is being paid for by the rich father of her boyfriends younger sister's boyfriend. The Dad could not bear to have his son follow the younger sister when she came live with us, so he is paying my daughters boyfriend to come to oregon. The Dad is paying for an apartment, car, job and cash to boyfriend for the pleasure of his sisters company for his son. My only daughter convinced the Dad to pay her way too. She will be leaving tommorrow. On top of that it hasn't been much over a year since one of my sons died. . See it can be alot worse, there is always someone with worse problems. Cheer up. I wish she was just a moody teenager wearing bad clothes. Grab her and give her a hug for me. ↑ |
| Name: John | Date: Oct 1st, 2005 12:59 AM |
| I've got a 14 year old son who is 6'0 ft tall and 220 pounds and my wife has to deal with him by herself because I've been deployed for a year. He is the exact same way and his behavior is rubbing off on his 6 yr old brother. By the way, we have another one on the way. What you are going through is normal. DO NOT RELAX YOUR STANDARDS and don't try to please her. Go through your daily routines and if she wants to join thats great and if not.. guess what... it's no skin off of your back. She is old enough to make those decisions. If she doesn't want to eat what you serve then she just doesn't eat. SHE made the choice. Sometimes all they want is for you to listen and not say anything at all. If she begins to yell refuse to listen until she decides to talk to you in a calm and polite way. Tell her something like.."I really want to listen to you but I can't understand anything you say when you are upset. When you can speak to me in a normal tone, then I will listen to EVERYTHING you have to say." When she is ready to talk you had better be ready to not just listen but hear what she has to say. When you give her the attention she wants when she talks to you the way an adult should talk, she will learn to calmly come to you. DON't take it personal. ↑ |
| Name: Mean Momma | Date: Oct 1st, 2005 9:05 PM |
| To JOHN who replied to Teensx2: John - I have an almost 11 year old 5'3" boy whose capacity to get emotional seems to be deepening every week. It's like a girl pre-teen, except without the confusing manipulativeness of girls and then also add a little bit of desire (on his part) to use physical force to get his point across. Is this normal? How the heck do I AVOID the ARGUMENTS??? I mean, it's constant. This afternoon I finally put him to bed for a nap!!! ↑ |
| Name: Pit1 | Date: Oct 6th, 2005 6:45 PM |
| I agree with Tee, my daughter is 13 and her moods swings are terrible. But she doesn't get away with it. I tell her to stop yelling and talk normal or I won't listen and I tell her to change the attitude. She has lied over and over to us and has been grounded many times. The last time we finally hit her where it hurts. She has done better and it has helped that we are monitoring some time spent with some friends that have not been a good influence. We laid down some strict laws with her and she has also threatened to leave. We told her she can walk out the door but as soon as she did we would call the police and turn her in as a run away, she hasn't threatened it since. God is my only source of stability without him I would go crazy. ↑ |
| Name: Carole | Date: Nov 4th, 2005 4:29 PM |
| Hi ...oh hon i know how you feel i have twin 14 yr old girls i go thru the yelling and nothings right too believe me your teen is normal i have 4 grown kids besides the twins believe me they will grow out of it one day good luck ,,, ↑ |
| Name: kari | Date: Nov 6th, 2005 7:57 PM |
| try and sit them down and talk to them and if they dont listen send them somewhere where they can help them they do love you ur right it is normal but if it is bad dont worry trust me i am 12 years old ↑ |
| Name: Jean | Date: Nov 6th, 2005 10:04 PM |
| Teensx2 - I also feel like I'm going crazy. It's been a long hard road with my 16 year old son. It started over a year ago. He verbally abuses me, makes threats to the family to control us. He never could take the word no. We've had him in counseling for about 7 years, and sometimes things are better then we hit a low. I describe it as a roller coaster ride, we are up then hit bottom. He now wants to try alcohol, and weed. He's on antidepressents which is a big NO with antidepressents. He blames me for his failures, tells me I've f...up being a parent. We've talked to our son, he's knows right from wron and the what the outcome of his behavior will be. He failed 10th grade, and is failing it again. I have mentally beat myself up for too long. Our son is responsible for his own actions. We taught him right, so now he must pay the price and learn. We just made a big move by switching couseling offices, one which handles substance problems plus ANGER management and has teen groups thereapy discussions. Our son knows he's walking a thin line and fears going to Childrens Village. We told him that we are signing him up in the anger management classes, and suprise, there is a short wait for the class to start and his reaction was "I have to wait that long". So there is hope. As parents we haven't done anything wrong, we are there if he needs us, and we have rules. Of course he will brake them. He hardly talks to us, unless he wants something. His counsler told us to stop doing things for him. I no longer do his wash and you know what today he started doing his wash. He ran out of cloths. I ignore his verbal abuse and go about my business. He turns to verbal abuse when he can't get his way. He knows it's unaceptable and this is where the anger mangement classes can help. We've taken away his pride his computer for this was a privilage. We won't allow him to get a driver license for he can't show us responsibilty or respect. He has had a permitt for almost a year. He has even gone so far as to steal my husbands truck. We had the police involved and reports written. We have to just continue with counseling and pray that he starts to grow up. He is so imature and thinks he has all the answers, but don't most teens. When they cross the line they have to know the price they will pay. We have to keep our sanity, so we allow him to see his friends, taking everything away just doesn't solve the problem. If he fails school, well guess what, he just has to pay for his classes. I won't beat myself up over it. ↑ |
| Name: Marilyn | Date: Nov 27th, 2005 1:54 AM |
| I am a mother of a 15 year old daughter too and she does the exact same thing. When she goes off on these wild yelling sprees I simply ignore her....and withhold anything and everthing she wants the next week or so. That includes the phone, hanging out with friends and the number one is not taking her to the mall to buy a thing.. Remember the law says all we have to do is feed cloth them and take care of their well-being..no laws says the clothes have to be expensive designer or they need a phone in their presence. Each time she yells at you...withhold something that is dear to her..You are her mom and she should respect you as such. Just the other day my 15 year old came home with a very good report card..and told me I should take her shopping. I told her getting a good report card is something expected of her not something she should get awards for it. Put your foot down and take those things away from her...also I found out is that when she goes on yelling ignore her. I don't know your daughter but I know mind and this always works...when she lowers her tone then you will listen. ↑ |
| Name: tamara | Date: Dec 8th, 2005 4:39 AM |
| ummm i dont think ur trying hard enough my mum is da best she lets me go 2 partys n do wateva i want but i no not 2 cross da line just learn 2 trust ur daughter n let her mak her own decisions and let her learn from her mistakes ok ↑ |
| Name: emj | Date: Dec 11th, 2005 2:54 PM |
| right shes a teenager knowone understands what shes going through.you need to sit down and talk.she probaly thinks something completley different of the situation. ↑ |
| Name: Dave Marshall | Date: Jan 31st, 2006 1:37 AM |
I raised two daughters and I had problem times but they are the Joy of My life
That is why we need adult Friends After they're Raised and on their own. ↑ |
| Name: Joan | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 1:34 AM |
| my 13 year old daughter was out of school for 2 weeks and has 2 weeks of homework to do she was supposed to go bowling for 2 hours and didn't come home until 8:30 and is refusing to do her homework now ↑ |
| Name: BlessedKMD | Date: Feb 5th, 2006 6:28 AM |
| I don't have much advise other than getting this book that was recommended, Parenting with Love & Logic By Foster W. Cline. ↑ |
| Name: gay | Date: Apr 15th, 2006 6:08 AM |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Apr 15th, 2006 10:34 PM |
| Stick your oldest daughter in bootcamp and tell your 12 year old if she doesnt straighten up thats where shell be headed next.If their dad(s) are in the picture,have him jerk a knot in their rears. Give them some laboring jobs like mowing the yard and pulling weeds and taking out the trash as well as indoor stuff like dishes and mopping and laundry and tell them the worse they want to act the more chores your going to pile on them,and do it.Be firm and mean what you say and tell them if they want (nice) mom back,then theyre going to have to earn her back and it starts with apologies,SINCERE apologies. ↑ |
| Name: teresa | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 9:05 AM |
| i amalsogoing crazy justalsolooking for others advice i have a fifteen year old boy who is driving me crazy ↑ |
| Name: mamatree55 | Date: Jun 10th, 2006 11:24 AM |
| Lots of times there are other things going on that Mom doesn't know about. Try to find out if something is different at school. If they are getting bullied at school maybe the only place she can feel tough and in control is at home taking it out on you. You are not her punching bag and if you let it continue you will have more than just screaming to worry about. Trust that. Get to the bottom of the problem and don't let it get any more out of control. Get your house and your life back. This kind of behavior is not a phase or acceptable and let her know that it won't be tolerated any more. If she doesn't want to follow the rules and be a part of the house she can make other arrangements for lodging. Stick to yur guns and take back your life and your sanity. She knowsa that she can bully you--Don't let her. It's not helping you or her. ↑ |
| Name: pg | Date: Jun 19th, 2006 1:52 AM |
| sit them down and talk to them about what they want . give thewm choices snd ,let them make thier own decisions. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 25th, 2006 10:40 PM |
Are you kidding talk is cheap and it sounds like she has. ground her I wouldnt put up with it and my husband would come unglued. Like he says mama brought you in this world and she can take you out.
i know it is hard during these years and Im not looking forward to it but I would send her to her room untill she has a aittude change. ↑ |
| Name: Layne | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 12:01 AM |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 2:30 AM |
| Kids will only act out for as long as their parents allow it. ↑ |
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