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i am 17 years old and i feel that everything i do is never enough. im always being yelled at and sometimes i dont know why. i do understand that teens are emotional but my mom she always yells no matter how well i clean the house she always finds something wrong with it. Take for example: one day i cleaned the house i forgot to dust her dresser and her vanity and i was yelled at for about 30-45 minutes. Other times i get yelled at because i don't put her clothes away. she says things to hurt me and most of the time i feel as i am not good enough to be loved. am i just a screw up or not trying hard enough. please if some one could help me and tell me where i am going wrong. i would appreciate it greatly ↓
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| Name: mocott | Date: Jan 15th, 2006 11:20 PM |
| hi, I am a mom of a 13 year old daughter, and I work 2 full time jobs. I rely on my daughter to help out around the house alot. I feel bad that she has to help out, but I couldnt do it without her. I would tell your mom to go bite. ↑ |
| Name: chrisi | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 1:21 AM |
I had a father like that....wasn't much of a yeller but nothing was good enough for him. Although I know someone who yells at her children constantly. This mom is always on edge...never feeling quite good enough herself. My husband can only spend so long at her house before he has to leave that's how much she yells. Her children have reaped the consequences of her behaviour for years and it hasn't gotten any better. Her children are constantly on edge and this has left emotional scars. My heart is broken by this. From what I have seen it stems from a great lack of self esteem which has taken over her emotional state. Therefore when she feels things are getting out of control (which they are not because yellers exaggerate circumstances greatly) she yells in order to gain control again and it is a vicious cycle. I am sorry that you have to go through this. It can damage a person. So please, seek some outside counsel if you can, maybe at school, or church, or even with a trusted friend.
Good Luck
Chrisi ↑ |
| Name: Paula | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 4:31 AM |
Hi there, I am a mom of a 11 year old daughter and I would not like her to feel this way, . If I was your mother I would want someone to let me know the way you felt. I really don't know your situation at home or what kind of person she is, but maybe you could tell her that you are trying your best and she is making you feel very badly, and maybe suggest that she try to talk to you about why she is upset instead of yelling at you. If you don't feel that this is possible to do that you cannot speak to your mother about this, you should really talk to someone, whether it is a teacher or another parent you trust so someone can make her realize how much she is hurting you.
I hope things get better for you
Paula ↑ |
| Name: TerryT | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 7:11 PM |
This may sound lame, but it isn't you. Your mother has issues of her own that she has not faced. She should not be doing it, but she is taking out her fears, frustration and anger (at her own life) on you. If you have not done so yet, at an appropriate time, start asking her about her own childhood and experiences that she has had growing up. Eventually you may get to the bottom of the problem(s). If a light goes off in her head during these discussions, she might realize what she is doing and work to correct it. It isn't your job to figure out what makes her tick, but if this can open a door than great. There are times as a parent (and doubly so a single parent) when you really do not see what is happening to you and the child that you are raising. She may never work out her issues, but you are not the problem, as you get older and are of the age to go out on your own, then you can decide upon the type of relationship that you would like to try to have with her (on your terms). Please work through this hurt that she puts you through, and when it is time for you to have children, please do not keep the unhealthy behaviour going.
Many hugs,
Terry
ps I needed to go on anti-depressant medication and I have been in therapy off and on for years to deal with something similar to this. I am the mother, my daughter is now 15. ↑ |
| Name: paulaj | Date: Jan 25th, 2006 3:54 AM |
| you arn't going wrong any where your mum may just be over whelmed in her life and is taking it out on you i know that it is wrong but she may not be able to deal well just know that the work you do is amazing and you are going to be a grate person when you get a little bit older if you can get through this ↑ |
| Name: shar | Date: Feb 7th, 2006 7:51 PM |
| hi i am a mom, and well sometimes it seems to me i do that to my own child and i have done it a long time. I feel awful about it...but you know i had a step mom she did that to me...never good enough. and like afraid to wake up each day....it was her...something made her like that. Also i have told my daughter about my childhood, maybe to defend what i have done. It is a cycle...repeating some of the things that happen to you as a kid....especially if you don't realize it's wrong.help yourself... ↑ |
| Name: To Andi | Date: Feb 8th, 2006 10:44 PM |
Ask your mom to sit and chat with you and tell your mom what you are thinking. Ask your mom "How can I help make things better for you?" Calm and collected.
I imagine this is 99% about her frustrations with herself and something not right in her life -- not you.
You are a wonderful daughter who cares enough to try.
God bless you. ↑ |
| Name: A MOM of 6 | Date: Feb 22nd, 2006 8:03 PM |
Would you like to come to my house.. I wouldn't yell at you, My teens do nothing. they dont vaccume they dont dust. they dont clean, they have 4 chores. two nights of dinner dishes using a dish washer and 2 nights of taking out the trash, In exchange they get a cell phone.
you sound like a great kid.. so here is my advice. you are 17 years old. do you have a job? if not GET ONE! if so .. save your money.. dont let anyone know how much you have.. then get out of highschool, and move out. you mom isnt going to change. she isnt going stop yelling. it would take a lot of work on her part to change. you are no longer a baby.. thought it may hurt your feelings now.. I survived the same thing. and you will too.. remember for the future how you felt during these times so when you have kids you dont do the same thing. ↑ |
| Name: Anj | Date: Feb 27th, 2006 3:47 AM |
| My 16 year old does a lot for me and is just a jewel. I don't know what I would do without her. Sometimes when I get a little stressed it comes out on her but she lets me know it right away. When she is stressed, sometimes she lets it out on me and I let her know it. We are both very respectful and considerate in the way we tell each other (most of the time) but always, always, always communicate. Andi, the fact that in this day and age you are even doing what your mom asks of you shows what a great job she has done in raising a responsible daughter. Please talk to your mom and make it Very clear that she is hurting you. I am sure she loves you and as soon as you bring it to her attention she will think twice before she yells at you for stupid reasons. ↑ |
| Name: Cyn | Date: Mar 18th, 2006 9:49 PM |
HI!
I just read your post. I have a question or two? Does your Mom work at a stressful job? Have you tried sitting down with her, when she's in a quiet mood and asked her if there's something going on in her life that maybe causes her to come home and lash out at you? Sometimes, things are so stressful at work, we as parents don't even realize that we've brought that stess home to our families.
I'd really try to learn what it is that's really bothering her. Explain to her that you feel unloved when she comes home this way and that you're really trying to understand, but you can't, if she's not willing to tell you she's had a bad day. Tell her also that you know you don't always do things exactly the way she wants you to, but it's gotten to the point that you get nervous about the way things will look to her and how she's going to react, when she gets home, and it causes you to forget some of your chores. Apologize and tell her you'll try really hard to do better. Let her know, also how it hurts that your evenings with her always seem to be chaotic and that maybe you two can do something about it to chang e the atmosphere into a peaceful one.
Yes, teens are emotional, but that will pass, in time. It's just that your body goes thru hormonal changes in your teen years. It's not easy. . .You're not a little girl, anymore, but you're not a child, either. It's hard to understand the changes that we 'feel'. . .in our emotions, thought patterns-part of you wants to be the little child that's cuddled and nutured and taken care of. The other part of you wants to spread wings and fly. . .
DON'T FLY, yet. [please!] Life's not easy out there, especially in this day and age.
Just remember, your Mom is human, too and not without fault. None of us are perfect, Hon. I'm going to be praying for you and her. I really think things can be resolved, with time and patience.
My daughter used to do special little things for me. She knew I was tired and stressed from the day's work. . .and, I have to admit, there were days that I'd come home and yell at her, too. One day she called me at work and told me to come straight home. She had a surprise for me. . .
I came home to a nice, a clean house, a nice dinner on the table and then she drew bath water for me, with candles all over the bathroom. She marched me in there, said:. This your alone-time. Enjoy. I'm gonna clean up the kitchen, and shut the door. She didn't forget anything. . . towels, wash cloth, fresh jammies and my robe. . .bubbles in the bath. She had even poured me a glass of wine. . . which I rarely drink, unless it's for a special occasion.
Do you know that that time alone made me look at myself and I saw the way I was carrying my job home with me? Things really changed, after that. I realized how much she needed me to just be 'Mom' when I wasn't working.
Hope I've given you some food for thought. Again, I'll be praying for you and you Mom. Hope to hear from you. . .
God bless,
Cynthia
[email protected] ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 31st, 2006 4:09 PM |
| Honey,Im sorry to hear that! You sound like a good girl thats just trying to please mom but no matter what shes still not happy.You know what I think? Maybe its not you at all. Maybe its something moms going through.She could be depressed or bipolar which would make her moody to many not just you.Maybe you can try to get her to talk to a doctor.In the meantime,I think youre a very good daughter and just try to live with mom and ask her to see a dr. if she will.Shes not a drinker is she? Alcohol could make her that way too if shes an alcoholic.Which if she is then try to talk her into an AA meeting.Be careful though because I dont want her further mad at you.Is your dad in the picture?Maybe he can help.If hes not around,try an aunt you like or other relative who will listen to your concerns. Good luck ! ↑ |
| Name: ginny | Date: Apr 22nd, 2006 2:52 AM |
| I know your letter is old news, but just know, if you're still checking in, that there are people who care and that I'm sorry you have to have such a rough time of it. I may not be your mom, I have a 17 year old son, but in my own way, as a mother, I want you to know that you are loved, and you are appreciated, and you are a beautiful child of God. Hope that that helps some. Shine on! ↑ |
| Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 11:06 PM |
| Why is she requiring you to clean her room and do her laundry? It's okay when you do it to be nice, as I do, but parents shouldn't forcce their children to care for them. You are doing nothing wrong, your mom is just a crazy biotch. If you have to yell back, then damnit YELL BACK! Use her tactics on her! ↑ |
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