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Name: piscesgrlll

[ Original Post ]

I dont know what to do or even what category to put this in. Im 27 from chicago but living in columbus cuz of an ex. Well 2 years ago I met this guy Michael and immediately after we got serious and got our own place. We had to leave our place and I turned up pregnant with my first. He has two other boys. Everything was incredible and I was never happier. The only problem we really had was that I was a stripper when I met him and he couldnt trust me cuz of that. He cheated on me once too when I was at work when we lived in our own place, but didnt find that out till WAY later when he told me. Anyhow Phoenix, our baby, was born and 3 months later died of sids. Everything went bad after that. We had alot of jealousy and anger and fear and sadness and well everything. Just recently, we had split up. For 3 weeks. Then we got back together and then one day he tells me that hes not in love with me anymore, when phoenix went half of him went with him and he doesnt know how to feel anymore with me and he doesnt wanna be mean to me and doesnt want me to hate him and he loves me with all his heart but his mind is set and he dont wanna be with me anymore. Anyhow Im so sad, I cant stop crying I wanna be with him more then ever and hes pushing me away and im crumbling. After losing phoenix and then him I have no family here, a crappy job, i live with a guy who used to be my number one customer at the strip club, lived here almost 4-5 years now, never have done NOTHING with him nor will I and things have changed a whole lot in that aspect too... I just dont know what to do anymore, i have no idea how to be happy. I was hoping maybe someone could give me some advice on how to stop crying and feeling hopeless? This is the worst year of my life. Anyhow the baby passed june 07 of this year... its the worst day of my life and I love and miss him so much. Also I might be pregnant with another, I told Michael that but well I dont think he thinks I am and he said if I am he still is sticking to his decision. I go to the doctor on thursday to find out for sure.
Please help me ↓

Name: marija | Date: Sep 30th, 2007 11:52 PM

gosh you poor thing...have you thought about maybe returning to your family?..people who lose a baby need to have someone to lean on who loves them. You need to be where you are loved. Your bf is coping the only way he can or he is being an arsehole and this is his way of getting out. IDK him so i dont know which one he is. Either way if he is not there for you then you can only depend on yourself to take care of yourself. the death of a baby has broken down the sturdiest of marriages. Look after yourself, mourn your baby, never let him leave your life but you have to move on and be happy
good luck :-))) ↑

Name: suzy | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 5:20 AM

Yeah ive thought about going back home with my family but its a tough decision cuz well my family aint too supportive of me, never has been. They wasnt even supportive when the baby passed, told me to cremate him cuz it was cheaper and more convienent cuz Id never get the cash to pay for a funeral. Id have to live with them and Id hafta leave my dog. Im not accepting the fact that Im not with michael and I dont even know how. I wanna be happy more then anything .. I dont know what to do. ↑