Hello ladies. I've been severely depressed lately, and decided it is time to get some support, and advice.
I'm a 20 year old Greek Puerterican and Egyptian woman who is turning 21 August 20th. My story is this:
I lived in San Francsico for two years, going to school and working. My parents never had the money to support me and my own stepfather physically abused me when I was young. So I left home when I was 16. I quickly learned that you had to make your own way in this world, and did what I had to do to survive. I worked 3 jobs in New York, while going to high school and failed miserably in my education. All of my teachers saw potential, but I was too busy paying the rent.
I decided to get out of New York and start fresh in California. I had some friends there, and school was cheaper. So, I became a resident and started my own nannying business while attending City College of San Francisco. I was doing alright, considering how much I was working. A 3.0 was acceptable.
Then, the unconceivable happened. I was at a lounge, covering a story for my school newspaper (journalism major) and an unknown man drugged my ice water as I was interviewing a lead band memeber. I dont remember that night. I only remember waking up feeling violated and used.
6 weeks later I find that I am pregnant and am faced with the question of what to do. Doctors suggest I get an abortion, friends beg me to. My mother talks herself blue in the face teling me why I NEED to.
Me being me, decided not to. True I was alone, had no significant money saved and lived in the most expensive city, but I could not bear the prospect of flushing a child to be out of me. It just seemed to selfish. I am not against abortion, but I always said I would never get one. It just could never happen.
I have left my life in the states and live in Canada with my mom. I am miserable. I live compeltely off of her, it kills me to be this huge inconvience and I have no way of paying her back. The pregnancy has been so difficult. I am having problems with bleeding, and cramping, and had several threathed abortions. I suppose its the stress. BUt this little baby wont give up. The heartbeat is strong, and he is now 15 weeks old. I live out in the country, with no friends, and the fact that I am single and pregnant does not help with that.
I am not a Canadian citizen so I have no health insurance, and I cannot get a job becasue I dont have a work permit yet. My days are spent in a painful haze. Staring at the beauty around me, but not being able to enjoy it.
My biggest desire is to go back to the states and try to make it. But I would never want to do anything to jepordize my child's wellbeing. My mother does not want me to go. She knows I am miserable, and it makes me sad, knowing she is doing all she can for me.
At this point, I need support, advice and options. I've never accepted government assistance, but realize if I went back to the states, it would be the only option. I have no idea how it works and am scared. I know being miserable is not healthy for the child, but I cant seem to shake it, not matter how hard I try. Thank you for any words of wisdom anyone may have.
[email protected] ↓
|
|
| Name: GAIAMOM | Date: Jul 31st, 2007 4:18 AM |
Your story is very intense and I feel you are a strong woman, you cant get a job now because you are pregnant it happened to me too, so dont stress over that now bc you cant do nothin about it, why dont you set a goal of starting to work at least half time when the baby turnes 6 months, so then you will feel better there is a time set in your life to start again and your mom will feel better knowing that u want to get back to work and you planned WHEN
meanwhile look for options if you dont have the time and the money to start studing and going to school for lots of years here is a hint
i am a massage therepist that is a very good paid carrer to have and the good thing,..you can take courses or seminars for short periods of time, sometimes on a weekend you can go to a workshop and get the title for SHIATZU (massage technique) and some take just few weeks
also you can do this free lance ive been doing it for a while and it really pays off i have my massage table my oils my music andi started w my mom's friends and their friends told their friends and so on, and you get have your set of clients, i did this when my son was a baby, i can choose my schedule im my own boss
everyone on this days deserves and needs a holistic retreat one hour treatment, people can easily pay (i dont know in canada ) but in the states good $75 to $100 for a proffesional therapeutic massage
plus getting into this world of holistic healing, massage, yoga, natural medicine it can give you so much benefits regarding your depression your trauma....to help you find inner peace,,,to heal and to be ready for your child
much blessings
GAIAMOM ↑ |
| Name: GAIAMOM | Date: Jul 31st, 2007 4:21 AM |
Also ..my respect for you for after being raped to keep the baby
there is this belief,,,that the parents we have are no coinsidence...we CHOOSE our mom and we choose our father, that baby choose you for a reason, he or she wants to come to your life, the baby saw the mess that is going on, he knows its not gonna be easy still THE BABY CHOOSE YOU.....when he or she arrives or even before if you listen and connect to the baby you will find out why....but this baby picked you, and the good thing is that you didnt let him down, by getting rid of him. you are ONE STRONG WOMAN ↑ |
|
|
