I have a problem. Currently, I am in a relatioship that has a lot of problems. First, my girlfreind and I share a wonderful expereience with a healthy and active 1 year old boy. I not the child biological father. The biological father decided that not to take ownership for the child since his relationship with the mother went sour. I decided to step in and be a man and take full responsbility for the child. I have been there since conception to birth, and I have remain strong and commited to him(the child).
Here's a brief synposis of the problems I have countered within this relationship. First, I signed the birth certificate for him, but the mother refused to consider any names that I thought off and dennounced my last name. I was very hurt by her actions, but I remained committed to the child. I am still deeply hurt by her actions. I signed the birth certificate in good faith. I understood the legal ramification behind me signing this document. At the time she was upset that child b/c will state father unknown. Even though she stated that she will never accept my last name and she openly admitted that it was for selffish reasons, I have somewhat came to grips with it. It does bother me when she runs around town a tell people I'm the father, but then we have to go into this spill about why he doesn't share my last name. My job gave me hell when I added him to my insurance, because they didn't understand how the child didn't share my last name. I had to provide a copy of b/c before they would add him to my policy. Should I still inquire about a name change or come to gripes that no matter how hard I try-this will never be my true child?
Second, my current status of my relationship is on rocky terms. I honestly feel like leaving the relationship and don't look back. I feel that I am being taken advantage off. I support child finanically, psychically, and emotionally but I don't received any of this return from my partner. I know a lot of bad fathers out there who won't lift an inch of their finger for their biological child. However, for me it's completely different. I will do anything and more for my son. I burst my chops at work to leave early and picking him up from the babysitter, i have taken off several days from work when he was sick. I haven been late to work numerous times when the babysitter has shown up late. I have stayed late at nite naturing him when he was a newborn while my partner rested from exhaustion {breastfeeding mother}. I dig down into enegry pack and play with him for hours at a time, even though i had tough day and have numerous work to do. I have done and will keep doing whatever I can for him. I was very fortunate, i grew up with both of my parents, and I learned what it takes to be a real man and take care of your responsiblities from my father and mother. So I more than willing take this role. Nevertheless, my partner continues to put me down and I tried of it .She keeps ranting about how she look forward to be a struggling single mom and she feels that I'm holding her back in life. Mind you, I gave-up on my hope and aspiration of continue my education when i found out she was pregant by other man. I pay my son daycare fees and insurance, buy him clothes, and pay her car note. And ensure that he has the basic neccessities food, diapers, e.t.c. And for her to tell me that it's a slap in the face. I really care for the child and I don't want to abandit him,{especially since he will add to counterless father-less minority children in america} But I feel like i have been unfairly treated. What should I do? Should I become self-fish like everyone else and think about me only. I know some many deadbeat dads who don't even do 1% of the things i do and i don't want to be consider like them, but I feel so sad about this current condition
In addition, I have one other problem. I have seperated from my ex-wife and we have a legal seperation and are waiting for the outcome of our divorce. I am not sure how this will effect my divorce. Do anyone knows the impact it will play on my divorce. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 6th, 2007 7:45 PM |
| Looks like you screwed and tattooed yourself there dude! Your girlfriend is a total bitch! What you are good enough to step in and sign the birth certificate but NOT good enough for the child to have your last name?! Don't the 2 go hand and hand? They should have!!!!!!And to top things you aren't even divorced yet from your last relationship????!!! What the hell were you thinking?? Oh I guess you weren't!!!!!! The only possible good thing to MAYBE become of this mess is that MAYBE this child will truly love you and appreciate what you did for him,other than that I don't know what the hell was going through your mind,geez!!!! You certainly bit off a huge chunk to chew,hope you don't choke on it! ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 6th, 2007 8:30 PM |
| ok first thongs frirst im not married never have been but if you were legally seperated i cant see what you done wrong by getting in volved with another woman. Im in the uk and i know things are different i mean we dont have medical insurance or anything like that but i know how much a child costs. Was it an affair? If thats the case your ex wife could turn bitter about it and the divorce settlement could cost you a hell of a lot if she is divorcing on the grounds of adultery well thats what happens here anyway. Secondly i do not agree with the way your girlfriend has handled this but i can understand. I have 2 girls a 4 yr old and a 6 month old i was attacked and raped and the outcome was my eldest daughter, my partner at the time took responsibility of her and declared himself as her dad even adding her into his will we then went on to have a second daughter but because we had split up when my eldest was a year and half and he is an unreliable person half the time i did not add him on my childrens birth certificates or have his second name. I can not understand why your old lady did not sign the birth certificate herself if she did not want your boy to have your surname. Im not suggesting that you are unreliable but perhaps she has doubts as the sperm donor had left her pregnant. It was really good of you to step it, it takes alot for some one to raise a child thats not biologically thiers. Personally id seek legal advice if you can afford it the fact that you signed it is not illegal as far i know but it could screw you up in the long term especially if you 2 do split and you want contact with your boy she will order that you pay child support and i know from experiance in uk courts you can be asked to take a paternity test to ensure they are claiming from the right person not sure if its the same elsewhere. But on saying that she will get in an awful more trouble if she did turn nasty because she knew that the signature provided was false meaning you were not the childs biological father the fact that you raised the child since he was born and been at the birth and formed an attachment during pregnancy means nowt to these people. I wish you luck i wish there were more men like you out there my kids are in need of a good dad. ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 6th, 2007 8:31 PM |
| ok that was ment to say things not thongs and secondly im sorry that message was so long i havent been on for a couple of days needed to exercise my fingers. ↑ |
| Name: whos ya mumma | Date: Feb 6th, 2007 11:54 PM |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 7th, 2007 5:15 PM |
| my fingers they been itching to get exersise now they cant even type the letters properly lol ↑ |
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