I'm 12 weeks and due in June. My ex doesn't know that I'm pregnant with his child. We were to be married in June but we broke up just before that. We got back to "try to wok things out" but it failed terribly. We finally broke up 2 mths ago cos I felt that we just couldn't compromise in too many ways.
Its not really so simple for me cos we work in the same building and he's bound to find out I'm pregnant one day. We have mutual friends and I just have this feeling that he would know one day. I'm afraid of how he might react and I'm torn between telling him and not. I know he loves children, but I'm not sure if I can manage if he's back in my life again. He's not a simple person to be with.. On the other hand, if I do tell him, I'm not expecting for us to be back together. I'd only tell him 'cos he has the right to know being my baby's daddy.
What do you think? ↓
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| Name: jennifer early | Date: Nov 20th, 2006 5:02 PM |
| yes. it is his child. he has the right to know his child even if you two are not meant to be, unless he is completely unfit or abusive or something. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Nov 20th, 2006 5:22 PM |
| Yes, He deserves to know that . He is the Father. ↑ |
| Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 20th, 2006 10:57 PM |
Yes like the other ladies have suggested. Please tell him. He has a right to know, so does the child once it gets older.
If you try and be decietful now, it could cause future problems ↑ |
| Name: lana | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 11:27 AM |
Maybe you don't understand him as well as I do. As I've said, he's not a simple person, and he has a number of times threatened suicide when things went rough with us. I'd be the fool to be running around and taking it for real when I doubt that it was ever real. He's 37 yrs old and me being 28.. I don't know, I just don't think that there's much sense of maturity in him to handle us having a child and not being together. But then again, maybe I'm just paranoid.. its just so messy.
He told my best friend when we broke up that I have been lying to him and her, that I'm seeing someone else. Yeah sure accuse me of being a bitch when he just couldn't accept the fact that I didn't see how things could work out between us. He is so obssesive and possesive that I don't have the freedom to be with my friends or family.
And I'm saying again, what if he does want to take my baby away? What if he wants to get into my life again only for that reason? ↑ |
| Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 11:57 AM |
Dickhead or not, he needs to know. If he finds out, which im sure he will in the future..he could take you to court and point out that you where decieful in the paternity of the baby.
If he has threatended suicide etc, obviously he isnt the right mind to have a child right now..and a phyc evalation would help in a court process for you to have custody of the child.
Maybe you can talk to a councellor or a lawyer to see where you stand legally etc.
Its really up to you, good luck with whatever decision you make. ↑ |
| Name: molly-may | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 12:37 PM |
| You really need to tell him that you are having a baby. Tell him straight out that you don't want to be with him, but you would like to remain friends and he can keep up to date on everything to do with the baby. If you are worried about going to court then you will have to go to court, he may get joint custody, but who knows, you will have to talk to a lawyer. Also I had an ex who claimed sucide everytime I wouldn't meet with him and finally I said if you are going to do it then do it because I can't do this anymore and he never did do it. I think they do it to seek attention so you won't leave so they still have control over you. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 8:04 PM |
hhhmmm im torn...on one hand i want to tell you to run and run fast so many problems ahead. Then i think no you should tell him because he has the right to know and you DONT know how he will behave.
You only have what hes like now to go on...people can change after having kids. (with women thousands of things change, with men usually their priorities will get shifted around...doesnt mean love for the child can override his mental stability! Only you know what his psychological standing is at the moment, so ultimately the decision will be yours, but here are some suggestions
1# tell him now, get him used to the idea, you will be forewarned about complications by watching his reactions
2#only you can be strong enough to NOT get back together
3# if he tries to take the baby you can only bring the law into it, which can sometimes make the problem worse, it can make the possessive / obsessive even more so as they have something that is actually half theirs to focus on, You are no longer controllable so the attraction becomes the baby
4# If he is saying he is going to suicide...chances are he wont!
people that are attention seeking will plan a suicide to fail. Those who are truly depressed and attempt suicide usually acheive their goal. they just go and do it without all the fanfare. ↑ |
| Name: lana | Date: Nov 22nd, 2006 2:35 AM |
| Thanks everyone for your replies. marija made some good points which I've thought about all along. All this secrecy is seriously stressing me out. Perhaps I'll wait a little longer till things get a little more obvious. Gee, I hate procrastinating but this is by far the most difficult decision in my lifetime!... and I feel like there should be NO room for error. ↑ |
| Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Nov 22nd, 2006 3:10 AM |
lana - understood! its really hard, just try and not stress about it too much right now anyway.
While your pregnant focus on the baby :) ↑ |
| Name: lana | Date: Nov 22nd, 2006 4:38 AM |
hi bunny, I see him online everyday, and its just so so tempting to drop him a msg, or just walk over to the 7th floor to tell him.. "heya, I'm having our baby... and you'll be daddy in June".
Mom and dad would be so unhappy if he comes back into my life. They know what a rough time I had with him and how difficult he's capable of being.
I have to admit, on point #2, somehow I have a softspot for him. I use to adore him, love him like crazy... and it will be so hard. I've dated a number of people, but somehow I only feel like this with him. Thats probably why I'm reluctant to tell him in the first place. ↑ |
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