Not sure if you all know the dealings I've had with Mark's family, but it all flared up again last night.
For those who don't know, Mark's mother hates me, as she wants Mark all to herself, and has always seen me as no more than a threat to her relationship with Mark. Mark's brother is mid 30s and chronically single as he is under her thumb. So this woman has been trying to split Mark and I up for years. Shes called me a 'prostitute', a 'golddigger', a 'liar'. She tried to convince Mark that I was cheating on him with my GAY friend, she told Mark I didn't love him, that I had waited unil Mark had proposed to me before setting out to 'split up a loving family', and to 'get my claws into his mortgage and money'. Shes told him he was better off with his ex, and remains close to his ex's family just to spite me. She hates my family, even though she has never met them and has no reason to hate them.
When Joey was born, she tried to make out that Mark and I were bad parents, that we were always at fault, that we should do everything her way, and that she could call round to our house whenever she wished no matter how exhausted Mark and I were. She even told me I was not good enough to breastfeed my own son, that he should be bottle fed to 'make sure he's getting enough'.
Then one evening when Joey was 3 weeks old and had colic, Mark and I were truly exhausted. We had been up all the previous night and during the day with Joey. I hadn’t slept at all as I was breastfeeding, and when finally Joey did fall asleep, all I wanted was for myself and Mark to get some rest. So we closed all the blinds and curtains in the house, turned out all the lights and we went to sleep. Within 15 minutes, the doorbell rang, and we were all, including Joey woken from our sleep. I peeked out the window to see Mark's mum’s car. Here she was at house house even though we'd told her 2 days ago to give us some space, as Joey had colic, and she was blatantly ignoring this! Not to mention the fact that any other time his mum has called to our house, she had phoned first to let us know. She was doing as she pleased, calling round unannounced, so she could see Joey despite what we, his parents, said. That was at best insulting. Mark was furious, as Joey started crying with colic pain again, and while I tried to sooth him, she then went on to ring the doorbell as many as 30 times easily over a period of 5 minutes, despite the fact that she KNEW we had a 3 week old baby in the house, which was in darkness with the blinds closed. It was obvious we were in bed, and given that we didn’t answer her first 3 rings, she should have left! Her ringing the doorbell in such a way was at best nasty.
Mark rang her about 3 days later to enquire about this, informing her that her behaviour had woken Joey up from his sleep even though he badly needed it, and cost us some much needed sleep too. She wasn’t concerned at all about this, bluntly replying that she had done nothing wrong, instead of apologising and perhaps showing some concern for her son and grandson, like a loving mother would … but loving she is not! After this she hung up on Mark, and we haven’t heard from her since. That was 4 months ago. Mark's brother, his aunts, uncles, cousins all took her side against us, not even asking our side of the story, and they all lost touch. They didn't even send Joey a Christmas card.
Mark decided to email his cousin last week to see if his cousin was ignoring him still, and he got a reply last night; it was a nasty list of insults against Mark, claiming that his mum and brother are his loving direct family, that they are innocent, that Mark should 'be a man' and ring his mum to sort this out (even though they don't ring us!) he didn't mention me at all (I may as well not exist) and that Mark's petty and stupid ...and he has really hurt his mum and brother.
I'm FUMING! What would you do??? ↓
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| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 2:25 PM |
| I just hate the way his mum can treat me, Mark and Joey like crap, and we're made out to be in the wrong, while she is innocent. I mean, if she really loved Joey, wouldn't she ring us??? ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 2:40 PM |
| I think she needs to grow up and any woman who can put her own selfish needs in front of an innocent infant is no Mom or Grandma. I would tell her to go to hell!! ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 2:51 PM |
| You see any time I tell people I want to tell her to go to Hell, they say 'but she's Mark's mum', so I always have to leave the door open for her. But I just want a quiet life ... ↑ |
| Name: K-beth | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 3:38 PM |
| It's your home you have the right to make boundries. Mark is great for definding you and Joey. Sit down with Mark and together ya'll make some boundries put thim into effect. And record everything, I would treat this as if it were an ugly court battle. The next time mominlaw pulls another stunt like that deal with it imedantly don't wait a few days. If you wait then it gives her time to manipulate the situation, leave no room for error on her part. As long as mominlaw knows she can push and shove her way into ya'lls life she will and it wont end any time soon. I know how you feel. It seems like you're not just battling her but the world, and that when no one believes you it's like you're going crazy. It's alot of wear and tear on the mind, body, and soul. I hope this helps. Best of luck. ↑ |
| Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 4:36 PM |
| You could kill her..........with kindness. Call her every 15 minutes asking her questions about how she would handle situations (even if she doesn't like you and tells every one you have no idea what you you are doing) then she would get sick of you. or mail her a list of rules to abide by! like call first and only 1 hour visits and such it may sound mean but she would not be able to say you were being mean you would just be fair! did you say that you were moving closer to your family? Will that be far away from her? Kinda end the problem ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 4:49 PM |
| Yes I am moving, but given that we haven't seen any of his family in almost 5 months, even though they only live 5 mins away, and yet they're still being a problem, I sometimes wonder if it'll ever end ... ↑ |
| Name: bebe9281 | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 5:30 PM |
| Unfortunately this is Mark's mother, and HE needs to talk to her on behalf of HIS family so as not to appear to be an attack from a pissed off daughter in law who hates her mother in law's everlovin' guts.... Which... it would be. LOL Just tell Mark that HE needs to fix it or at least speak his peace. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 6:52 PM |
| Yeah I can't stand my mil either. In your case I think I would disconnect the doorbell,lock the doors and unplug the phones when you want to rest. If this doesn't work then get a restraining order against her. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 6:58 PM |
| Oh Mark does do all the talking, not me, but they won't listen to him ... :( ↑ |
| Name: bebe9281 | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 8:15 PM |
| Well.... some people are rude and feel bad about it. Some are just assholes. Smile and move on. There will be no covincing her of anything except what she already "KNOWS" to be the truth. Life is good... Be happy for what you have and feel sorry for those who are all tied up in misery. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Feb 20th, 2008 10:43 PM |
this is what you call 'head games'....i fkin' despise head games...don't have time for it....i would just say fk it then and not worry about it....don't show that it's getting to you, cause that's EXACTLY what they want....people think that blood is thicker than water, and by them acting this way, maybe they're hoping it'll put a wedge in between you and Mark, thinking Mark will eventually give in and side with his mother. nope....don't play along to thier head games....just go about your life, and don't even pay attention to their behaviour. it'll piss them off even more if they know that whatever they're trying to accomplish is having ZERO effect on you and Mark and Joey....
just go about your business and fk' em....dealing and giving energy to people with trivial, immature behaviour is too exhausting...it's just NOT worth it. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 21st, 2008 3:25 PM |
| You see Bmes, that is the way I feel. But any time I tell anyone they keep saying 'But she is his mum' ... :( I dunno what to think anymore. It's really getting me down. ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 21st, 2008 4:18 PM |
| Then I think I would say (esp in the pms've mood I am in right now) "Then she should grow the hell up and act like one!!"!! ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Feb 21st, 2008 4:28 PM |
well i think then he needs to talk to his mom and tell her he has his own life now, with a family of his own, and she has to respect that...and if she can't then that's her problem....it's up to her whether she wants to be part of his family or not....he's gotta step up a bit and stick up for you...i don't know, how clear he was with her before, but maybe he needs to be more clear.
and like cheri said....kill her with kindness....if she comes over when she knows you guys are sleeping...you know she's doing it to piss you off....instead of making a scene about it....open your home to her, welcome her....oh so great to see you!!! come in....have some coffee...what's new with you??? lol...you know? just don't let her see something is pissing you off....maybe she'll eventually give up knowing whatever she's doing to you isn't working!!!
my dad constantly has relationship problems...and we all think it's because of his parents. they have a problem letting go, and tend to try and control him alot....it drives my dad nuts, and he gets mad that they won't accept the wives that he has had...but at the same time, he creates his own problem by not sticking up for his wife....and each time the wife gets mad and leaves...they just can't stand the control they have over him, and he doesn't do a thing to help fix it.
so if he hasn't already, he gotta be brutally honest with her, tell her to back off, and accept the fact that you're not going anywhere. ↑ |
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