My dads an alcoholic.. altho he never admits it, But its tearing my family apart.. he keeps threatning to leave my mum when hes drunk and pissed off... we have all tried to tell him to stop but he doesnt even think he has a problem, hes a dasmn grump when hes sober.. and hes a pain in the ass when hes drunk, Hes always had depression and anxiety so in some ways i dont blame him for drinking... But on the other hand im bloody sick of him spending his and mums weekly pay to buy his booze in advance, always borrowing off me and my brothers even tho im broke as.. and makes us feel guilty when we turn him down. We go without food and my mum cant afford to pay the bills for god sakes.. why cant he just stop !!!!!! Its breaking apart our family.. constantly arguining..
I dunno if im asking for advice.. just needed to vent a little. Im worried about what im bringing izzy up around... Im worried she is gunna be screwed up seeing this all the time and hearing everyone argue about dads alcohol problem.. what can i do ?? I cant afford to move out as a single mum...
I dont know if my parents will be together for much longer... My dad keeps hurting my mum by flurting with other woman donw the street... Fuck him.
Anyways sorry. ↓
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| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Dec 20th, 2008 8:21 AM |
| Im really worried about his drinking eventually killing him !! Im worried about being homeless because my mum cant afford to pay the bills and morgage. its such a mess... And amongst all this.. izzy has to be around all of it.. and im sure she knows when im stressed all the time. ↑ |
| Name: Joeys_Mam | Date: Dec 20th, 2008 9:30 PM |
| :( I'm so sorry you're going through this. But unless your dad admits he has a problem, there is no helping him. You cannot force him to help himself. But surely being a single mum you are entitled to benefits from the government, income support, housing benefit etc. There are lots of single mums who get by on that, and there's no shame in it when you have no other choice. Your priority is Izzy and getting her away from your father when he's unpredicatable like this might be the best thing to do. Look into your options. Look out ↑ |
| Name: Joeys_Mam | Date: Dec 20th, 2008 9:30 PM |
OPPS! My stupid computer sent my response before I had finished it!!
Look out for yourself and your daughter. Again, big hug! ↑ |
| Name: jtorres24 | Date: Dec 21st, 2008 2:42 AM |
| I grew up in a similar enviornment but instead of just alcohol there was drugs surrounding me. It did effect me in ways, yes it did make me sad but it also made me aware of bad decisions people make in life. I learned very early that drugs and alcohol were extremely bad and I never touched the stuff. I agree with joey_mam that you should try to keep your daughter away from your father's outburst as much as possible but in a small way (in a very small way) it can help your daughter know that too much drinking is bad. ........In no way am I giving an excuse for your father's behavior, I am just trying to make you feel a lil better about your situation.....i hope your father realizes soon how much he is hurting your family....good luck!! ↑ |
| Name: red87 | Date: Dec 21st, 2008 9:59 PM |
| ...my parents had been together for 24 years! I would have never imagined them seperating but my mom finally found it in her to do it!! And money was a bug issue with us as well. My mom didnt think she could manage without my dad's income but we're way better off now without him spending money on booze and pot! And I just giver her 200 dollars here and there to help out! Your mom and you will do great without him! And hopefully your mom realizes that sooner than later. ↑ |
| Name: red87 | Date: Dec 21st, 2008 10:51 PM |
| Also, if your dad has always suffered from anxiety and depression, he needs help with that as well as his drinking. My dad is the same way - he got raped by his cousin when he was younger and that messed him up really bad....they don't know how to deal with their problems. They need to first talk about and let go of their pasts, and they need to learn to cope without acohol and/or drugs. But again you can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves. My dad is still an alocoholic, he hasn't even made an effort to change. i thought maybe since he had lost his family he would try and make things netter ya know, but he didn't! My uncle who barely drinks even told my dad that he would go to rehab with him and pay for both of them to go and my dad turned him down so...whenever he is ready he will stop I guess. ↑ |
| Name: ash2 | Date: Dec 23rd, 2008 12:22 AM |
| Alchohol tears a family apart. Is there anyway you can move out or live with someone else ? If possible i would. Im so sorry !! ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Dec 23rd, 2008 12:57 AM |
My mum has told me to just go down to my bedroom with izzy when things get loud..... Also to teach izzy that grandad has an " illness " just like you would with an anorexic or bulemic etc... She will learn at a young age. i know some of you will probably disagree on this... but its all i can think of.
Yes i can get some money to get a flat for myself and izzy, but money is so tight here in NZ at the moment... food / Bills / telephone.. that will just be another stress to worry about and theres only so many times the government will help me with that.. pretty much im expected to manage on my own. ↑ |
| Name: red87 | Date: Dec 23rd, 2008 2:12 AM |
The government will help you regardless of how many times they have helped you in the past and they will pay for EVERYTHING!! Food, heat, water, electrcity...whatever you need!
Doesn't matter how many times you tell your daughter that grandpa has an illness, she still sees the abuse that goes on and that won;t be good for her in the long run! I don't know about you but I'm affected my all the years of my dad drinking. I didn't realize how much until recently. Really think about your life and how your dad's alcoholism has affected you...dig deep and hopefully make a difference for your daughter's sake!
There are ways around it! You just need to take action! The government cannot turn you down. They will help you! They'll even pay for childcare while paying your bills so you can go back to work and get started on supporting yourself and your daughter alone.
No matter how many times you try and explain the situation to your daughter - it won't make her understand...if it's not ok then why doesn't anyone do anything?...why can grandpa get away with his fits when I get in truoble for them?...why is all the abuse from him ok?? There are many things you don't think about!
Hopefully you get things figured out. And just remember if you truly want out there are ways to do so. You just have to work at it! ↑ |
| Name: red87 | Date: Dec 23rd, 2008 2:27 AM |
| The economy here is crashing too. So, the government is that much more willing to help people in need - especially single mothers. I live in Canada and we're actually expected to go into resession. The government is there to help! ↑ |
| Name: red87 | Date: Dec 23rd, 2008 2:39 AM |
...If it was that easy to just expect a child to understand when you tell them that addictions were just an illness - children wouldn't be affected by it right? They don;t understand what the are witnessing is not right no matter how much you tell them it's not that simple for them to see.
I'm in no way judging or trying to be mean...do what you fell is right for you and your daughter :) ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Dec 25th, 2008 6:49 AM |
Rosie you have to get your daughter and yourself out of there! Your Mothr may want to put up with it and support her husband as he is her spouse, but you have Izzy to think about......explaining he has an illness, and having her live around this just is not good enough......No child should have to live with that, and it is not HER father , it is her grndfather she does not need to be there........if as of now you do not have enough food etc to eat, what worse can you be in to leave? Give Izzy a stable home she deserves!.......How can the government not hep you.......what they are having all single Moms now go homeless????? Have the government help, so you can get employed, and raise your daughter in a stable loving enviroment! From the sounds of it reallly you are nt doing well at your parents also......stress wise, food wise etc........you need to become self sufficient to raise YOUR daughter, and I am sure there are programs that the goverment can help.........as the whole world is having economic crisis' right now......and I can not see any goverments just throughing single Moms and a baby on the street.
You can not do anything to help your Dad until he admits he has a problem. Your Mom being his wife has a choice to stand by him, but for you , your choice HAS to be Izzys well being. Get out of there Rosie! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Dec 27th, 2008 9:04 PM |
Rosie, I would like to add, that a family memeber of mione was a supposed alcoholic, and I did not know until I was an adult..........He was NOT allowed to drink infront of my Brother and I EVER........if he wanted any contact with us he COULD NOT DRINK! This i am thankful for, that I was protected this way.........because I was able to build a beautiful memorable bond, this out the issues of an illness that a Child should NEVER have to deal with........when I learned as an adult, well I was already an adult, the bond was already formed, and he still rarely drank around me out of habit.......
I am sorry if i sound bitchy about this Rosie, I know you are a good loving Mom, Great with your baby gir.......buuuut you have to get her out of there......I do not know about where you are, but here children protection does and WILL step in if the child is not being protected, if the child is in anyway (including mentaly) harmed....and yes if it stresses YOU it most certainly is harming baby izzy..........just get you and her out of there........ ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Dec 30th, 2008 6:55 AM |
| Thaniks everyone for your suggestions and advice.. but i havnt posted in here as dad has been going on about a new years resolution that hes going to quit drinking and get fit... riding bikes / going to the gym etc... I'm kinda hoping what he said was true as he promised us all, and i didnt really want any coments about alcoholics always making promises and breaking them lol.. i guess i just didnt wanna hear whats most probably the truth.. I actually wrote this post when i was upset and angry about it.. I didnt really want to talk about it or let people know whats going on etc.... But thankyou all anyways. ↑ |
| Name: mindylu | Date: Jan 6th, 2009 7:16 PM |
| Hey Rosey, I am sorry for the situation you are in and commend you for seeking help. Although there might not be much you can do about your dad's disease, there is hope for family and friends of alcoholics. Please look into alateen, alanon and adult children of alcoholic meetings in your area. You can find them by googling "alanon home or alateen home." These meetings SAVED MY LIFE!!!!! I became so obsessed with the alcoholics in my life and totally lost sight of who I was. I wanted to fix everything so badly but it just wasn't within my power. Alanon taught me how to detach and focus on myself. I hope you have the blessing of someday having a sober father, but if not, these support groups can keep you from losing yourself. At any rate, check it out, I hope it works for you. ↑ |
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