Because Mark was a chronic cheat when I met him, and I was his 'bit on the side' for 7 months, before he cheating on me again shortly into our relationship, people have often told me he'd do it again. The last time he cheated was almost 6 years ago, that I know of anyway!
Do you think it's true when they say 'Once a cheat, always a cheat?' ↓
|
|
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 5:01 PM |
| I have heard that saying. I think it always pays to hear it and think about it, however I think every circumstance is different. For ME (and this is just for me myself, and I have trust issues anyway from when I was cheated on by that druggie I mentioned before that I moved out of state for and was almost engaged to.....). I think I would need to really look at a man that is not respecting a commitment. There are some men out there that the word "commitment" means nothing and some out there that it actually means an extra challenge to get away with it!! Anyway if he was a "chronic cheat" and had trouble respecting any kind of commitment (not just in the circumstance of that one relationship) then I would be cautious. That is just my opinion. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 5:07 PM |
| Not necessarily true,I think it depends on the circumstance and the kind of person someone is. ↑ |
| Name: DinaM | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 7:16 PM |
| in some cases it is true but not all the time.my husband rick cheated on me alot with alot of women,finally he ended up leaving me for a girl he is happier with her and she is pg by him,and he said he dont cheat on her,and i would know if he was lying. ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 12th, 2008 7:47 PM |
| Also NO relationship is perfect because no person is perfect. So in other words one could always find an excuse to cheat if one wanted to. For example, it is not always easy with my dh's health problems etc. but I would never cheat on or leave him because I made a commitment "sickness and health etc etc". I guess what I am saying is no relationship is perfect so the one who cheated did have the option of working it out instead of looking elsewhere for something else. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 4:08 PM |
| I think if a person cheats on another they could easily do it again.....but not bnecessarily in a NEW relationship......the circumstances in a new relationship would be very different then in the old one.......But I have to wonder if one cheats on their spouse, why would they not do it again to the same spouse? Yes it is possible for people to change though. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 4:10 PM |
i fully agree with winn..When i cheated on my ex..it became so easy to keep cheating on him..it was over i knew it..
But never in my life could i imagine cheating on brent..no matter how many problems we have..i cant imagine it..i know now from lifes past mistakes thats not how i would want that path to go..mabe though i have also grown up.. ↑ |
| Name: cjsims | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 9:03 PM |
| I was once the cheater. I had this boyfriend back in 2004, who I cheated on. He wasn't a bad boyfriend, he had a house, a boat, and all the "works". But, goodness! I don't mean to give TMI, but he was SSSOOOO bad in bed. UUUH, it pains me to think about it. He was also selfish, and jealous of time I would spend with friends that were female! He lived about 45 mins away from me, and I would spend many weekends at his house, as I still lived at home with my mom at the time. There were times after seeing him for about 6 months, that I really started to evaluate him and I being together. It was such a relief to finally make the break and dump him. Honestly, the last four months I was with him, I was only there, cause he was a mechanic, and I needed some work done on my car. I saved a ton of money, cause all I had to pay for was the part! If you take your car to the shop, all of you should know, alot of times paying labor is more expensive than the part is. I know, I was bad, but honestly, I don't feel bad for cheating on him. OH, I was SSSOOO glad to get the hell away from him. Would I ever cheat on DH? NO WAY! ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 10:55 PM |
You only cheat if your unhappy or uncertain :-)
I havent cheated because I will end it, I have been cheated on...and left
Everyone has a choice to do what you will if cheated on or doing the cheating...To me you are only hurting yourself.
However...I dont believe men are monogamous creatures...that little brain can overtake the big one on occassion, I dont see this as cheating, I see it as nature intended it...Men are Stupid :-) ↑ |
| Name: lindalu | Date: Feb 13th, 2008 11:08 PM |
| Marija, I agree.... I don't think men are meant to be monogamous either. I do believe if a man goes out on you once he will do it again. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 12:12 AM |
no i don't believe in that statement one bit. i cheated on a boyfriend once before, BUT i was 14 years old, and didn't have much respect for others OR myself. now that i have grown up, i would NEVER cheat....no matter how unhappy I was. if i was unhappy with my hubby, i would leave FIRST and THEN pursue other relationships. i read your other post too about cheating as well...and i have to say that YES i would be mad at the "other woman" too!!!! i do think it takes two. you have to remember that Mark WAS probably once happy with this other person or they would have never gotten together in the first place, OR bought a house together!!! and because of that, and because of them having a history, he should still somewhat respect her as a person. and you should have respected the fact that he DID have another life with someone else. If hubby ever cheated on me, I'd be furious with him AND the other woman. I think if the woman KNEW he was married, and slept with him anyways....it's totally disrespectful to me and our family. and HOW DARE SHE get in the middle. cause, lets say hubby was unhappy with me, and was going to cheat.....WHAT IF there was a slight chance that we could have still worked things out, and been happy again like we once were.....the other woman could possibly be responsible for breaking up a marriage and a family. how awful of a feeling would that be? OR she could have respected the fact that he was still a married man and maybe just had a few issues that they need to deal with. And maybe they won’t resolve them at all and still end up splitting up, but at least she would have a clear conscience knowing that she definitely wasn’t the cause of it. She could show some respect, and say “no you're married, but if that ever changes, give me call.”
I think it's just a respect thing all the way around, for everyone involved…. I think it’s sooooo important.
lol....or like marija said...it must be in their nature.....lol...so then in that case it should be all up to us women to look out for eachother and never allow a man to cheat!!!! we should all say NO YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!! That way the only way they'd be able to cheat is if they did it with another man!!! EWWWWWW....ha ha ha ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 1:32 AM |
yup i agree bmes. IF....you know they are involved...you can reap what ya so in the end. BOTH parties, can take the initiative...and suggest..."at the moment I cant...(BOTH can say the same) but if things should change....give me a call. Simple respect..either way...will not ever give the other...in the future cause to ...(in the heat of a bad moment) the ability...to say anything.....in 'truth'...that stings.
Cuz ya can...doesnt mean ya should. Self respect...on this front...says VOLUMES about who you are.
Too...if you considered cheating..the 'cart before the horse' way of going about things.......I do believe its easier..a second time. I do ...think probability is they.... will. I sure wouldnt be smug enough...to think...it would NOT happen. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 1:35 AM |
.if you considered cheating.
Skip "considered"........
did cheat...(should be) ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 2:09 AM |
haha...look at me...geez louise. I just had supper came back and read..
What do i read...cuz i left it up ....."if you reap what you SO"!!!!!!!! OH my gosh..... :| ME...you know i know better than THAT. Oh well.....have a great night gals......this old girl...is sooooooooooooooooo BEYOND whooped. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 2:10 AM |
| oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh good gosh!!!! I give...nighty night! :| ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 5:27 PM |
| Bmes, I see what you mean, but he'd had a string of affairs before I came along, and if there would have been more if I didn't come along. Yes he was once happy with her, but he'd only been with her a couple of years, and didn't love her. He bought a house with her for convenience. They both wanted on the property ladder in a good house and could only afford it if they went in together. At that point, they had only been together 5 months! After he moved in with her, he realised he couldn't stand her, and began to cheat, cause he didn't want to lose his investment. Stupid I know ... But he had been unhappy for most of the relationship, and when he ended it, it did so cause he was unhappy, not because of me. But I totally see you point. Still don't regret it though. ↑ |
| Name: homemommichele | Date: Feb 14th, 2008 6:51 PM |
I have been thinking about this since you asked. I certainly don't think men cannot be manogamous as some of you do, I think that is an excuse made by men that they cannot overcome the brain between their legs!!
I guess what I was trying to say is like this. For the past couple of years I have had a rough time with my dh's severe illness, financial issues, having to give up my career and come home and basically start a new one from scratch, child with developmental disabilities.....etc etc. Lots of stress. Some of it caused by dh, some just happened (as in the child), though some of my older sons difficulties are not helped I think by his concern for dh......
Anyways I have had FRIENDS tell me "I would not have put up with it, I would not have stayed....". Well, that is not me. I would never end it because of an illness, because I vowed to stick it out "in sickness and in health etc etc". Now, If I was the type of person to have an affair, find someone else and deal with the issues by getting my emotional needs met elsewhere.....then it ended and I got married to someone else, I would still be the type of person that dealt with the circumstances in that manner. Like a guy that leaves a chronically ill woman because he "can't handle it" then marries someone else and she feels "well, she was sick and needy and he couldn't take it" ....but what if that woman ever became sick??? Well, he has already proven that he is not someone who would stand by her. This is all my opinion....basically I think circumstances can change, but the person you are, and the way you deal with certain situations, are less likely to change. ↑ |
|
|
