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| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 2:00 AM |
| Marija, First off, WOW! I need you were an awesome woman....but WOW! Not all children who are sexually abused, turn around and abuse others..........But yes , I think how you are handeling it is wonderful.......talk to your kids.......talk to the other boys as well.......be open that ( not about what you think was done to the one boy) , but be open to all, about how to handle it if.....they are ever in the situation....this way your kids know......these boys know...and they know your kids would tell if anything happened to them. Again Marija, what a wonderful woman you are.......and A wonderful Hubby.....well really a wonderful faily! God Bless you Marija, and your family, and your HUGE heart! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 2:00 AM |
| * I knew you were an awesome woman* Not need....lol ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 2:02 AM |
| Marija, I do not want to say to much on here.......But I was sexually abused...and NEVER DREAMED of doing that to another person........I also know people who were as well, and them too, they never even thought to do that either. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 2:30 AM |
| winnmom thanks ALOT....i know im awesome too....hahahahahhaa its mainly boys im talking about....women usually become more protective of their babies. Also, i too know survivors who live great fulfilling lives without repeating the trauma that happened to them :-))) It was after working in the courts and listening to all different situations where child sexual abuse seemed to be a trigger for these people and the crimes they commit as an adult :-( Nearly (it could possibly all...memories not that good) all of the pedaephiles had been abused as a kid... this is where my fear stems from :-((( ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 4:01 AM |
| Well the people I was talking about also were girls, not boys.......so maybe that is why? And yes I am extremelly protective of my babes....... Sorry i can not be more help........I have no experience with that happening to boys. Good luck. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 12:26 PM |
| ahhhhh you have been a great help....you have given me an idea :-)))) thanks ↑ |
| Name: Dana G | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 1:49 PM |
| Wow! your taking on a lot! Glad your able to do it though, the boys will be better for it i'm sure. Do you have them in counceling at all? If they were abused it might help them talk about and understand their feelings? Sometimes I think kids can talk to strangers they don't have to face everyday easier than with someone they are close to. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 11:16 PM |
| i am in the process of putting the younger one in counselling through our GP it is quite a long process. i think he has a touch of ADHD as well. the older boy is fine...i am still watching. they dont know me very well and i am still getting to know them :-) ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Aug 9th, 2007 11:36 PM |
| yep...you sure are taking on alot!!! kudos to you!!! but man alive, watch em like a hawk....when i was about 13 or 14 i had a friend who was sexually abused by her step-father, and she was pretty messed up...well my dad thought to take her in and help her and stuff...he treated her as if she was his own daughter....we thought things were going great, then one day she stole all my step-mom's jewellery and just took off....we didn't know where she went....we search and searched and phoned the police and about 6 months later they found her prostituting in Vancouver...which is about 4 hours away from here. i'm not saying that these guys will steal stuff from you, and jump ship, but you can do everything in your power to help them and be there for them and talk to them till you're blue in the face and STILL get burned....my dad still tries and saves people....he's let addicts live in his house to try and get back up on their feet, or he lets people come over and he feeds them and gives them his clothes, and after everything he does for them, he still gets screwed over by them...i keep tellin' him to let them be, but he trusts people SO damn easily, he thinks that he can save them or something....i'm just sayin' be careful...especially with YOUR children there.....your family and their safety should come first before ANYTHING or ANYONE!!! i'm sure there are foster parents where you live that take on these types of senarios all the time. i don't know...to me i couldn't do it....i'd let the authorities handle it. cause i honestly don't think I could handle always worrying about what might happen to my own children...if they'll somehow be influenced by these kids or not....but i have to say, you're very brave to take on something like that, and good for you....i personally am not strong emough for something like that.... good luck to you!! :-) ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 10th, 2007 12:04 AM |
| thanks bmes...and you are so right!...i am like your father. i try to help and sometimes get burnt..but...and there is always a but LOL. it is me...it is your father. because somewhere in there is someone who YOU do help....who APPRECIATED your help and it makes it all worthwhile....i also do not open my family up to harm...i assess and then act...this is what im doing now. I just like to have as many views as i can to try and see all angles that may be happening with this boy. HOWEVER, my kids are paramount and i have discussed this with my husband at long length. It only takes a moment and we both know this. the boys are only around my kids in the afternoon from 4pm (when they get home) to 7.30pm (when my kids go to bed)...during this time they are never alone (its almost impossible with 11 kids in the house!!!) they are watched at ALL times..this isnt just because of this boy...they are constantly fighting argueing and yelling amongst themselves (sigh) they sleep at one end of the house We sleep at the other...to be honest ...this could all be moot if the kid has nasty tendancies ...they find a way :-(...The thing is ...im only preparing for the worse case scenario. i could be making a mountain out of a molehill. This kid may never even think of touching another kid... i will know more when he has been seen by a professional...i hope ↑ |
| Name: jillw | Date: Aug 10th, 2007 2:23 AM |
| Marija I think that you are doing a wonderful thing for these children and I do understand how important the safety of your children is. My first sugestion is to get the department of human services involved. Many people think that they are a bad department aimed to take kids from their parents, but really they have lots of free help to offer. Adding children also adds a huge cost and every little bit helps. They will be able to set your family with counseling. They will set each person up based on their needs. The children that you have taken in will be able to discuss past issues including your suspected sexual abuse so that they can work past them and not become offenders them selves if abuse has in fact happened. They will also learn to cope with living in a new family. You and your husband will get support on raising a blended family and how to stay close and cope with stress. They will also set up sessions for your children to help then learn to express their feelings and fears about having new children living with them. I think that seeing a professional is going to be huge in making this work for your family esp if the other kids have been abused. You are doing the right thing in keeping tabs on your own children, because you can never be too safe. If it is possiable keep the children in seperate sleeping rooms even if you need to use the living room or other areas for sleeping. Bunk up your biological children in the same room if needed and have them lock the door. If you are unable to keep the kids seperate until you have been able to determine the abuse issue then put a baby monitor in each room and the reciever in your room so taht you will be able to hear any odd night noises. It sounds a bit over board I know, but abusers are very sneaky and children are very reluctant to tell even if they do have a good relationship with their parents. I wish you and your family the best and I hope that eveything works out great for everyone involved. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 10th, 2007 2:55 AM |
| thanks jill i will ring child services and see what they have to offer. :-) i assume the social worker we have been referred to is part of that department?. i have quite a large home...it is like 2 houses joined, my niece, her partner and their 4 kids, and the two boys are in the back of the house..it has 2 really large rooms ( large enough that they have a queen bed and two singles that have 2 trundle beds underneath and all the drawers) they are in one and the boys are in the other...a lounge / dining area and its own bathroom. Once our kids go to bed...(the teen has his own room and the kids are paired into 2 rooms) everyone is banished to this area :-) So noone is in our part of the house :-) as for the baby monitor ....LOL i already have them under the kids beds....i have always been paranoid about people (anyone) coming and whisking the kids away...plus it helps with the "who started what" fight that usually breaks out when they think noone can hear or see....hahahahahahhaha as for learning to be blended....LOL we are old hands at that now!!!.... having my neice and her family here now for nearly 4 months has been a fantastic experience (sarcasm dripping)...hahahahaha...we have had hiccups but i found years ago that to speak up is the only way to stop molehills turning into mountains. We have family night on sundays where we each stay in the separate part of the house and just relax with our own families. And once a week the tvs go off and everyone has to sing kumbaya...LOL...but really we sit around for the first 2 hours and listen to all the kids moan and bitch about not watching tv...break into arguments with anyone...wrestling FUN that we ALL know will end in tears from at least 2 of them. anyway....thanks ladies i appreciate all the suggestions and views :-)))) ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 12:06 AM |
| I am curious. Have you allowed your biological teenage daughter whom you kicked out of the house to move back home? I hope you do know that not allowing a minor to move back home is considered child neglect in most places. Before you go rescuing others children I think you might want to put some effort into raising one of your own. The one you kicked out of the house. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 4:31 AM |
| awwwwww Judge have you not kept up to scratch???? "more effort into raising my own....." mmmmmmmmm let me see please read carefully....and tell me....HOW MUCH BETTER YOU CAN PRODUCE YOUR CHILDREN???? yes i kicked her out....and will do it again with any other of my kids if they treat me the way she did!!! DID You think i never knew where she was?....DID you think that she was NEVER watched.... DID you think that she wasnt manipulated into being where she is NOW????....LOL...are you STUPID???? YOU answered yes to all the above didnt you...hahahahahhahaa did you know that because i kicked her out....reality set in? did you know that by my utter disappointment in her and HER treatment of me and my LOVE that she crawled almost DAILY apologising about her treatment of ME AND HER FATHER...to the point of stalking :-) did you know that she has returned HOME for holidays (as she is in school....again BECAUSE OF ME) did you know that i flew (AT HER REQUEST) to be with her at her debutant ball. did you know that a month ago she got an apprenticeship...through her own hard work...at which SHE attributed to MY INSISTANCE?? Gee my daughter is a responsible adult who knows what the consequences are to being a horrible person...she knows NOT to take ANYTHING for granted...especially her family...my daughter has a career in motion, my daughter knows the value of money and appreciates EVERYTHING that has been done for her....and mostly my daughter LOVES US.... OMG! could i be a more horrible parent???? i am no longer raising her...she is raised....and a pat i give myself :-) WHAT IS YOUR DEFINITION OF NEGLECT? i KNOW i did the BEST possible parenting i could to my daughter and guess what ...my reward has been returned. I am a hard mother.....i wont compromise or be a door mat for anyone...even my " biological" kids. But to know that by my standards my kids are better people...even if its via hard love. then i dont need to change a thing :-) Please know the facts before posting....it just makes you look stupid when the facts are produced!!! thanks much appreciated :-))))) i hope your curiosity is quenched :-) ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 5:59 AM |
| Bravo Marija!!!!! A standing ovation is in order!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 5:59 AM |
| That was so well stated!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: cinner29 | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 9:18 AM |
| Marija, I got so angry when I read Judge's comments and then almost cried when I read your response..........good for you for knowing when to stand strong........showing our love is not always about fancy gifts and lenient rules......sometimes it is the hardest thing in the world to do......I am so glad to hear how well your daughter is doing.....cheers to you! and a big fat raspberry for Judge.....how does it feel to be put in your place? ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 7:13 PM |
| Marija, That was so well stated! You taught your daughter about respect and consequences for behavior you were concerned about because you wanted her to do the right thing. Sounds like great parenting. Your doing a great job, and have a heart so big there is room for more kids. Big hug! ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 9:55 PM |
| Please marija, tell the ladies how old your daughter was when you kicked her out and said she could not live at home, which is child neglect by the way. Poor girl practically stalkes her own family who turned her out in the cold! Leaving out facts in order to make one look good is manipulative. Telling a minor she can not come home is neglect. She may not be a minor now but she was when you kicked her out of the house. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 10:34 PM |
| Judge Judy what marija did is referred to as something called TOUGH LOVE! She was doing what she saw fit and as you can now see it paid off b/c her daughter grew up and changed her ways and is leading a productive life all thanks to her mothers TOUGH LOVE. Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. I applaud marija for the wonderful parent that she is! ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 10:54 PM |
| Now lizzi we really do not know that do we unless we hear it from the daughter. Usually when a parent kicks a minor child out of the house it breaks a bond of trust and love. It builds a feeling of aloneness and mistrust for the child. The child now knows that the parent's love is not unconditional. That the parent will not always be there. I do not believe in the principles of Tough Love. If a parent will turn their back on their own child then who is worthy of truly being depended on in this life? It does teach a child to take care of themself because no one else will, even their parents. It also teaches a child to never fully trust another human being. ↑ |
| Name: Dawn C. | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 11:03 PM |
| Sorry to disagree there Judge Nobody. It teaches the child that they must be responsible for their own actions and bad behavior and that they can not do as they please without consequences. It also teaches the child RESPECT. I'm sorry to say your parents must have fallen way short on that lesson and probably a few others too. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 11:29 PM |
| Judge again......NO FACTS! FOLLOW THIS PART CAREFULLY JUDGE...IT CONCERNS THE MINOR LAWS AND WHY SHE LEFT here in australia....16yo get money for living away from home........there are alot, ALOT of teens who are told by school staff ....that if you SAY you FEEL that you are abused and leave home you can get $380.00 a fortnight!!!!...oh yes SCHOOL STAFF!!!..im told they have to give all young adults all information given to them regardless to whether they need it or NOT!!!..... So here we have a teenager (16.5yo) who gets on average $20.00 a week for DOING HOUSEHOLD CHORES...getting waved in her face a PLAN, a plan to get TO HER a crap load of money. now couple that with HER WANT to live with a friend who GETS EVERYTHING and with everything i mean my daughter as well!!... SO.... now she has a place to live and a crap load of money to be gotten..........all she has to do is make up a FAT LIE about being abused and next week SHE will have money!!!!...and here you have it folks....the recipe for disaster!!!!!!!!...and it is happening every day here in AUSTRALIA NOW JUDGE FOLLOWS THIS PART VERY CAREFULLY....IT CONCERNS MY NEGLECT OF MY DAUGHTER SHE DIDNT GET KICKED OUT OF THIS HOUSE.......she CHOSE to make up stories and TAKE HERSELF OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!! when i say i kicked her out...i meant.... I KICKED HER OUT OF THIS FAMILY. (are you able to follow this) i refused to have anything to do with her......i refused to have her have anything to do with her siblings... THIS IS WHAT SHE COULDNT LIVE WITHOUT after she realised MONEY isnt the be all and end all.......her friends ARENT going to be there for her...SHE FOUND THIS OUT ....ONE MONTH INTO BEING AN INDEPENDANT...an ADULT in the eyes of the australian government and laws SHE MISSED HER FAMILY!!!......SHE MISSED HER MOTHER...SHE WANTED US ALL BACK. it is as simple as that. i refused to give her what she wanted until I KNEW she understood what she had done to her family....HOW she had hurt her family...AS much as i KNOW my daughter....she knows me too. She knew penance is what she would have to pay...She knew i loved her and if she wanted my love and her family back she would have to work on it...hence the "stalking"...... HOW LONG DID IT TAKE.....3MONTHS....THREE MONTHS OF HEARTBREAK FOR ME.......but I WOULD DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT!!!!! DO NOT assume that because she was 16.5YO that she didnt make this decision all by herself...she did.......in australia the government allows them to be able to...and there is nothing...NOTHING any parent can do legally.......our rights as parents are taken off us!!!!! YOU ARE SUCH A MORON....just willing to throw a dart at me because you think you are justified....or just because you dont like me (a real poor sad little reason)...you do not make your posts with any facts behind you....just you, picking out bits and pieces from what i have written in here....you are just another fake idiot in a long line of fake idiots :-))))) ↑ |
| Name: Dawn C. | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 11:35 PM |
| Nice job giving J.J. the facts Marija! Personally I probably would have told the coward fake to kiss off...but then again you always were a better person than me : )) ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 12th, 2007 11:56 PM |
| thank you ladies....really warms to read of your support. i know i have done the right thing and would do it all over again if needs be...some people like judge...have other ways to deal with stuff and therefore makes them judgemental of others....its ok...i just cant stand IGNORANCE. judge.......at no time NEVER, did she know she was unloved....at no time NEVER, did she feel unsafe. YES there was a time a 2 month period where she felt alone.....SHE FELT THAT BADLY........but i damnwell made sure she KNEW....SHE had made it that way....THESE feelings she had were ALL HER UNDERTAKINGS....NOONE ELSE. if she wanted the feelings to go away...SHE HAD TO REPAIR the problem...her and her alone! it wasnt tough love as you know it........i was teaching her a lifelong attribute as a human being......to NOT hurt those you love, to show humility, to show remorse....to be able to say...IM SORRY if i had shut my mouth and just let her go and do as she pleases ...not show or tell her how much she hurt me...US. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT WOULD OF DONE TO HER AS A PERSON. to me...i would of just created another loser in the world. A person who thinks of no one but herself. YOU MAKE YOUR BED ....YOU LIE IN IT....but there is always room to remake it. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 12:04 AM |
| ahhhhhhh dawn you know thats not true ...YOU ARE FANTASTIC....just ask my remaining biological children...LOL:-)))) i dont think i ever wrote about it at such length....mainly because people who had read what i had to say about her, accepted that im not a monster and what happened must of been a lesson to learn for my daughter...IDK????...anyhoo i dont mind putting JJ back into a little fake pidgeon hole. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 6:10 AM |
| Marija, you certainly did not need to justify yourself! Again....I am standing up and applauding you! For what you wrote here...and also for what a wonderful parent you are! ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 1:37 PM |
| Marija you said your daughter lied and said she was being abused. Most abusers do not admit they are abusive. I suggest you watch the 1994 movie "Once Were Warriors." This film highlights the issue of violence within Maori families. Statistics suggest Maori children are twice as likely as their white counterparts to be abused. Some agencies put the figure five times higher. You have said you are Maori correct? ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 2:16 PM |
| Mmmmmmmmmmmm ok now your boring me :-)....is that it...this is your comeback...have i seen "once were warriors"?!?!?!?!? so it really doesnt matter what anyone or myself writes...you prefer to think differently :-| i see that now, oh well i can only kick myself in my arse for bothering to try and enlighten you with facts. here you go.... she didnt lie....i am maori....i am in denial ...i abuse everyone around me....i am a neglectful mother ....i should watch more movies to see how my life really is....thanks i appreciate your thoughtfulness in enlightening me...if only i knew you in real life you could guide my stupid and meaningless life into a wonderous place...i now know what the gaping hole in my life was missing....you!...please come to australia and save me and my family...i need you *crying silently into my pillow" marija. ↑ |
| Name: Dawn C. | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 8:50 PM |
| LMAO Marija!!! Don't cry sweetness...I'll come save you. hehehehehe. I for one am thanking you from the bottom of my heart for straightening out my future DIL! By the way I'm still waiting for the two chickens you promised as a dowry : )) ↑ |
| Name: Judge.Judy | Date: Aug 13th, 2007 9:41 PM |
| Winnmom I question your sense of reality. You do not personally know marija. You have never been to her home. You live on opposite ends of the world. You only know her from what she has typed on the internet. For you to say she is a "wonderful parent" is a bit much don't you think. I think maybe you should take a break from the internet and live in the real world. You are taking your internet relationships way too far when you start vouching for a person's credibility whom you have never met. ↑ |
