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Name: momo

[ Original Post ]

At this moment in my life, i feel like a part of me is temporarily on vacation. The problem i see, is that i don't know if it purchased a roundtrip ticket back, or if it decided to take a one way flight to some unknown place. Growing up and facing the fact of that has been hard to rationalize for me. I am only 26 in one sense, but I am 26 in the other sense.

I accept the fact that i am now a mother to two beautiful boys, each a blessing. I accept that responsibility to be the best mother and the best spouse that i can be, but it came at a price of sacraficing my personal ideals of who I envisioned me to be. While, i am a firm believer in fate, because truly everything happens for reason, i can't help but wonder what my life would have been like if i took another road..You know i tried it once, and ended up in a worse state, so i am guessing that this is my desitny. Though the thought from time to time still lingers..

I have so many dreams, things i want to achieve. But i am worn to the core of everyday life, that i lack such motivation other than being mommy. Today i realized how i miss writing and singing and how much i miss dance. I know it is possible for me to do this, but i can't find the drive nor the inspiration. Long ago it was my anger and my pain that fueled my creative juices. i let go of those harboured feelings and now I just sit with a blank screen..or no words to complete a song..i turn on music and my body is to tired to move.

I think i needed to write this to let go of something..to get it out there and help me decide whether i want to sit back and just live this life..or to jump up and grab life and embrace it. It is just time to do something. no more waiting..Well mabe till tommorrow..or the end of the week.. ↓

Name: marija | Date: Aug 14th, 2007 9:03 AM

the motivator changes ...find the energy that fuels you most to be your motivator. IDK???
to me parenting is about time. to wait out milestones.
my destiny was NEVER to be bored....Motherhood bores me sometimes :-( i just try to keep myself occupied with various things while i cant work full time...time....in the mentime i try to mix my loves together :-)))
my love was/ is to travel and meet and learn about other cultures.
i now incorporate my kids into my love :-) ↑

Name: kimber | Date: Aug 14th, 2007 7:22 PM

Momo, I know what you mean about being bored. Things change with time and we have to just love each milestone as it comes our way. I was bored before I ever had kids, so I know a lot of it is me. Sometimes exercise with help energize you. I go to the gym or try to, three times a week. Yesterday, I went for my first massage. What about taking a class at night at the local community college in creative writing or music? They say life is what you make it, but no one every teaches true happiness or how to live "a good life". I guess "a good life" is determined on how you like to spend your time. For me, I love going places, it's hard to sit still for very long. I can only do this every other weekend when I am off from work and that's if we can afford it. I know I love spending time with my husband but it's hard when he has to work all day, but hey that's life. I know I love my kids and some day I will enjoy their company even more when I can have an adult conversation with them. But, it is fun teaching them right now. I love to shop, but it's hard with kids, and that's if there is enough money. I used to enjoy school until I got sick of it. Work is OK but kind of stressful. I used to love bathing in the sun but it just seems it's so hot these days. I like getting with family, but everyone is so busy anymore. Those are just a few of the things I like to do. What about you? ↑