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Please give me opinions. I am due in june with my first child. I am not with the father of the child and do not get along with him that great. The reason, he is constanlty partying, since I told him I am pregnant he has talked to me one time about the baby,and he was drunk so I was not telling him anything! He tells other people how excited he is but never me and when I was with him this is common, He is full of hot air and never actually does anything. Frankly this is fine with me if he is not invovled because I am in a relationship now that is what I want and my bf is accepting of the baby and excited to start a family. We are very happy. The problem is that the baby's bio aunt is calling me asking me what I need and telling me that she and her mom have been buying lots of stuff. I don't know what to tell her. I want him to sign papers giving up rights but I don't think he would. I am so confused, I sometimes wish he did not even know the baby is his. Help what should I do..... ↓
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| Name: kelsey | Date: May 10th, 2006 9:32 PM |
| tell him you lied all along n dat u cheated on him so the bub's not his. A dad doesn't just provide sperm,he brings up the child, sumfink by da sounds of it your ex wont do. ↑ |
| Name: Nadine | Date: May 11th, 2006 8:00 PM |
| Well allow them in the babies life! Its not there fault he is a LOSER, just make sure they know the whole situation and that he has earned his right to stay away!! or to be known as the friend if he actually grows up!! ↑ |
| Name: Do what is best for baby | Date: May 11th, 2006 10:52 PM |
Well is sure sounds like he likes the positive attention one gets for being a father, but he will soon find out that being a father means more then just impregnating a gal. That is when you will need to make your choices about his involvement with the child.
He is the father of the baby, like it or not. And he has to pay child support for the child. He will either become responsible about the child, in which case it is in the child's best interest to have him in his or hers life. Or he will grow tired quickly of paying support, in which case he will be very happy to sign away his parental rights (I have seen it happen). Or he will be somewhere in between (which is usually the case), which sort of sucks, but in the long run usually ends up fine. For in almost every single state, if the father does not pay support it gets taken directly out of his paycheck, or he ends up in court and eventually in jail if he continues to refuse.
And if the father chooses not to be a responsible father figure in the child's life, as long as the child has a strong fatherly figure in his daily life, it will be o.k. in the long run, as long as you always keep the child's best interests and needs at heart over your own desires which are expendable (which many times would be a difficult task to do without motherly love).
But please do not keep the child's aunts, uncles, grandparents out of their life just because of the behaviour of the child's father. Even if he signs over parental rights, unless the child's grandparents or other relatives are a danger to your child, it is in your child's best interest to keep a line of communication open with them. Often it is the grandparents that will come thru for you when no one else will. And it looks like that is the case for you even now, as they are calling and asking you what you need. They sound like gems, even if their son/brother wasn't.
My daughter's father was and is absolutely worthless, but his parents were a godsend, taking her one night a week for overnight when I was a single parent, buying her really nice clothes and making sure she had Santa gifts for Christmas and even food when I could barely afford food due to their son not paying support. I don't know what I would have done without them...even though his mother, my daughters grandmother, does not like me too much, she still loves her granddaughter and treats her very well, and for that I am greatly appreciative. And his father and I became very close. He just died this past year and we miss him very much.
If your ex is constantly partying, you are wise to not be with him anymore, but keep Grandma and Aunt close, for they sound like they are loving and caring.
btw, I would not suggest telling him the child is not his. DNA tests will bring all such deceptions to light. ↑ |
| Name: Holly | Date: May 21st, 2006 1:45 AM |
| My family is in a similar situation. My brothers ex doesn't care to have her daughter (my niece) around our family. Mainly it's only because her and my brother didn't work out so she is just being selfish. But we love this little girl with all our hearts and she loves us too and my mom,(her grandma) gets her as often as she can and brings her to our family get togethers so the rest of our family can enjoy her. She doesn't get to see her dad much because he's not a get together type person but sometimes when we get her we will stop by his house for a short visit. We are happy to have her in our lives and enjoy her when ever her mother will allow it,which isn't as often as we would like but still we are greatful for every chance we do get to see her.So if you don't care for your childs bio dad,please don't hold that against his mom and sister,they aren't him and it already sounds as if they love that unborn baby. Don't take that away from them ,please! ↑ |
| Name: cutecrazyfun | Date: May 28th, 2006 8:26 PM |
| for one thing if yall arent married he has no rights unless you let him sooo but as for his family helping i would deff take it even if you dont want him to be a part of you childs life so ya theres my 2 cents lol hope i helped just make sure to give your baby your last name !!! ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jun 26th, 2006 6:26 PM |
Well the good news in all this is that you have someone currantly in your life who has decided to step up and act like a dad to your baby even though he's not. The bad news is that unfortunately the biological father doesn't seem to be responsible but he stills the biological dad. As the saying goes, "Anyone can be a father, but it take someone special to be a dad."
As far as signing over his rights. My sister actually wanted her son's biological father to sign off his right to the child but she was told that this would be impossible because in Wisconsin the only way she would be able to make this happen is if she was married and someone was going to take over the right of the child as the father. The state of Wisconsin has since taken his rights away since he now sitting in prison waiting trail for killing a toddler.
I truely believe in family and the more the better. Of course I also believe that who ever is involved in a child life should be involve 100% not when it suits them. So I would definately allow the babies biological grandma and aunt in the babies life. ↑ |
| Name: skye | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 4:28 AM |
| my boyfriend left me but he is the father what should i do? ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 14th, 2006 5:06 AM |
| You can't make the baby's father be apart of his/her life but you can definately get him to pay child support. In some states I know that even if you live with the father but are not married you can get child support. ↑ |
| Name: Deathbunny | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 12:55 AM |
Couple of things...
If you are recieving/might recieve any sort of government benefit, he might end up involved anyway...
...either through the relatives or from the government coming looking for money. It may be a decent idea to tell him your intent. Maybe, in a few years, he might change his life around and be a decent person to interact with the child.
That said, if the aunt and her mom know and want to "help", let them know in no uncertain terms that you aren't planning to involve the biological father. If they still want to contribute, then so be it. You've been up front with them.
As to signing away rights...
...If he contests it, you will have problems. If he's not the man for the job, tell him you think so and perhaps, if he's still interested, let him be a contributor without being with you because a cooperative father is better than an adversarial one. Meybe he'll even like it that way. ↑ |
| Name: sarah | Date: Aug 23rd, 2006 12:15 PM |
| when i got pregnant my boyfriend wont leave me alone ↑ |
| Name: Tonya | Date: Aug 31st, 2006 1:08 AM |
| I think that the real father should be in the baby's life as long as he is really responsible. If he wants to be in the baby's life then he should and if your boyfriend really cares about you then he won't have a problem with that. Your boyfriend can also be in the baby's life. Does the aunt know that you have a boyfriend? If she doesn't then you should tell her so she won't get her hopes up that you are with the baby's real father. ↑ |
| Name: seen it, mom did it | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 7:01 AM |
| He needs his paternal right, as long as he is sober, and responsible. As far as his family, they had nothing to do with your problems, so by all means let them enjoy their newest family member. Congrats on your baby, and props to you bf, lets just hope it works out. ↑ |
| Name: Jennifer | Date: Oct 20th, 2006 6:38 PM |
| When you have the baby, you don't have to have a father's name on the birth certificate, just say father unknown. If his name is not on the birth certificate he has no legal rights. As for the bio aunt, the decision to have them in the baby's family is up to you, but if you do decide to have them in the baby's life, then he will know the baby is his and can sue for a paternity test. You could just tell him and the family that you had an amniocentesis and found out that this guy is not actually the father. Just know enough about the procedure that you can lie convincingly :D ↑ |
| Name: sickntired | Date: Nov 17th, 2006 10:13 PM |
| I think that you should put yourself in the fathers shoes. Would you like it if you couldn't see your baby. I think not. Plus what if your family couldn't see the baby. I have an Ex that did the same thing to me. She was so mean to me and yes I would drink but I also did everything I could for her. She got the baby and that's what she wanted. She married some dude and even named the baby after him. It makes me sick. My two brothers and sister tried to talk to her and she wouldn't have anything to do with them or the rest of my family. I can't believe someone is so common they would do that. I wanted to raise my kid and she took him away from me. I wouldn't of done that to her or anyone else. My sister and one of my brothers wife's just had babies a month apart. I see those cute little babies and it eats me up inside that I can't see mine. I hold the babies and help out with them but it's not the same as one of your own. Please don't be common and let that father and his family see the kid. The kid will hate you if he or she ever finds out you lied all their life who their real father was. Don't do that to the kid. I know there are a lot of dead beat Dad's but two wrongs don't make a right. Good Luck and God Bless you ↑ |
| Name: CP1981 | Date: Nov 20th, 2006 1:35 AM |
| yeah just to let you know i was in a relationship with a girl who did this to me and when we got together she knew i smoked cigarettes and she knew i would have a couple of beers after work and everything was good and then when she got pregnant she was like no more drinking or smoking cause she couldnt but she said after the baby she could go out and party but not me which i thought was wrong but i listened to her and i did whatever she wanted cause i was so happy we were having a baby i would cook her dinner and clean the house and take care of the animals and before she would get home i would run her a hot bath and light candles and just try to be sweet with her but she would come home and still be mean to me for no reason and i thought maybe it was because she was pregnant you know i never would have thought she would have done this to me we were high school sweethearts and i loved this girl forever and when she asked me to leave i did cause i figured we would work things out before she had the baby but then one day like six weeks later she called me and told me she was married i was shocked cause she was only 4 months at the time with my kid and she married some one else and at first i thought maybe she was cheating on me and it might be his but ive seen pics of the baby and he looks just like me when i was a baby and still to this day i have not heard from her cause she does not want me to be apart of my babys life and it breaks my heart cause i know i would be a great dad and a good husband but she never gave me a chance but i dont know the way she did me was wrong but god does everything for a reason and when you do people like that what goes around comes around so god help her when that happens but i do want to be apart of my sons life and i think about him all the time so if you have a heart let the baby see his real father and his family its only right we only live once so i will say a prayer for you as well my ex like i do every nite and i hope you will keep this in your heart and let the father and his family see his child ↑ |
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