hi mommyboo
i can see your dilemma..i actually think it is easier to have no father than a trophy one (thats one that turns up when he wants to and has photos of his kids in his wallet that he proudly shows to all his friends...but never contributes to the kids...either emotionally or financially).. i would see him first without your son and speak to him about what his intention is..How old is your son? Has he had anything to do with his bio-dad? Is your husband "dad" to your son? If he is i would explain this to your ex and that you dont want to upset your lives just because of his curiosity. Also speak to your husband about how he feels ↑ |
| Hi Marija How are you? My son is 8 and ya my hubby is dad to him.His bio dad hasnt been around for 5 years and has only seen him a total of 6 times in his life. Im so afraid to see him myself cause i just want to yell at him so much. He has hurt my son so much and he is doing it more now.Thanks so much for the advice. ↑ |
| If he feels strongly enough about being in his sons life now,tell him to take you to court! ↑ |
hi mommyboo
i dont know if this can help you, but i'll tell you what i did.
my two teens father was/is useless, the only information i care to have from him is a phone call to tell me if hes had anymore kids...just so my kids know who is blood related to them in this world....world is full of strange coincidences dont want to end up with an incest issue!!!...anyway off the track.
Hes useless my husband has been dad since my youngest was 4yo theyre now 17 &15. My ex was a trophy dad, so when he was approached to maybe sign adoption forms he went into a spastic rage and said NEVER...yet he has/had no interest in forming a bond with his kids...he just wanted to stay dad..what is HIS stays HIS.(JERK) we were told by the courts that if my kids carried my husbands last name for 5years we could then legally change his name without the fathers permission and give my husband legal guardianship. a factor which took a load off my mind, if anything happened to me my ex would of been able to take my kids and it been 100% legal, my husband would of lost 2 kids that he loves....suffice to say we changed the kids names. Now it really doesnt give you an a right to deny the bio-dad his parental rights, but he would of had to of fought in court for custody and would have lost. I dont have that prob now as my kids ateens and they make their own minds up.
If it can be done where you live or because your husband has been in his life for such a long time you may be able to get legal guardianship for your hubby...makes you feel safer but the biggest bonus is your boy will have an identity, not a name..I know my kids loved the name change because they now belonged and had the same name as everyone else.
I know how you feel about wanting to smack your ex, i was the same.
He is not going to go away...he knows how to find you. So i say become supermom and meet him.
Give him some photos but make sure he does not upset your sons life,
tell him that you have explained to your son that he has a biological father and when he is older if he still wishes to seek him out i will give him your phone number. He is a happy healthy boy and i need you to be adult about his happiness comming first.
Tell your ex that you have not told him anything bad about him or dissed him in any way...you just have told him nothing. If you want updates and photos i will be happy to send them, but you have not been in his life for the past 5 years because of selfish reasons and i dont want him to be unhappy, you will cause your son unhappiness. Has he ever paid child support? If not carry on...I have yet to receive any child support from you neither have i chased you endlessly for it. The decisions were made to separate, you made the decision not to involve yourself with your son, now its my turn to make this decision. Please give your son his happiness now.
Make sure you speak to him without him interrupting. Tell him from the beginning..YOU have something to tell HIM. ↑ |
| WOW marija you are so good. It has been 3 days since he was suppose to show up to see my son.Gee go figure he never showed.Seth(my son) asked me if he has called and I told him no hunny he hasnt and he said to me oh well if he really loved me he would have called atleast.That broke my heart. He is suppose to be going to jail for 3 years for non support. I went after his a** for it cause I felt Seth deserves it.I wwill definatly look into the name change thing you mentioned.I will do about anything to get him to sign off.I know that sounds awful but I think it will be better for Seth. You are so much help...I really enjoy talking to you.Thank you so much for your info.I wish I had a close friend like you near by. ↑ |
| awwww thanks mommyboo...i really hope things go well for your family...sending you luck. :-) ↑ |
