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Name: David

[ Original Post ]

Hi my name is David and I live in Queensland Australia. I would be interested in any thoughts regarding integrating two families after divorce. I have a son (16) and daughter (14) both with ASD. In Feb 06 my Ex wife decided she needed to leave and find herself (whatever), and moved 1400 km south. The kids and i are doing really well and getting on with life.
Since then i have met a lovely women with three children (14, 11, 5) of her own. Naturally, we are thinking about moving in together but obviously have real concerns on whether such a move would result in a disaster and the ultimate demise of our relationship.
Since my divorce i have changed as a person quite considerably (got in touch with me you might say), however, i am very non-confrontational but believe in structure and and flexible discipline. I have taken a very different approach with my daughter particulary when she has one of her moments which usually can be explosive and over nothing. My partner finds it quite disturbing that i'm comfortable in not reacting to any personal slaying i get and calmly deal with the problem all while i'm copping it from her. She has concerns that she wouldn't be able to do that and that we can't accept that type of behaviour as it would not be tolerated from her children. I've tryed to explain that i don't dissagree with the concept of one rule for all what i'm struggling to make clear to her is the way each child is managed ASD v Non ASD needs to be different. We are starting conselling to hopefully help us, however, i believe she is hoping for the easy answer of 'one in all in'. I haven't really asked any questions here, probably vented more than anything. I'm always open to thoughts and comments especially if you have experienced anything of a similar nature.

JOSE I read your post, and whilst i'm not a religious person i am very spirtual and believe that if we believe strongly enough in ourselves and our children, support them with love and discipline life will turn out just right - just have faith and believe.

Thank you (if you have got this far)
Look forward to further chats.

David ↓

Name: aldam2 | Date: Mar 6th, 2007 9:46 AM

Hi Ive been through a similar situation with my partner. I too am divorced and when my new partner moved in with me and my children (one of whom has aspergers syndrome) it was a very traumatic experience. Samantha had a major meltdown she found the change very difficult to cope with. My partner blamed himself and thought he had caused it all. To make matters worse I was heavelly pregnant with his first child and he found it very hard to understand how I could ALLOW my daughter to attack me physically and verbally. It took him a while to get used to it, but he now understands that she cant help it and the best way to deal with her outbursts is to send her to her room and allow her to calm down. We now have 2 children together aswell as my 2 from my previous marriage and we all get along Ok. sam has to be treated differently because of her condition and the other 3 seem to understand that and accept it. Hope this helps and good look. ↑