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I have been married for 2 years, and have just learned my husband and I are expecting. He has a 10 year old daughter from a previous marraige, and I have a 4 year old from a previous realtionship. My husband adopted my daugther last year. Our realtionship with his daughter has been very stressed. He divorced when his daughter was 2, and she did not like our intrusion into his life. long story short... she was not happy when we told her we planned to have a baby (about a year ago) and she was furious when he told her I was pregnant. Not sure how to deal with that, but, my husband and I are now fighting over the room situations. My stepdaughter comes out for about 20 days a year, we have two bedrooms, so she has had her own. I believe that now that their will be two children here, my husbands daughter will have to share her room. My husband believes she should keep her room, and the two that live here should share. I'm not sure if I am being unreasonable, but I think it is absurd to have a bedroom sit empty for most of the year. I know his biggest concern is that she will be upset, but he insists that he thinks it just makes more sense. Am I being unreasonable? I would love to hear an unbiased opinion. ↓
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| Name: girli_bird | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 8:23 PM |
| i think it is crazy if she is only there 20 days a year. I can underdtand that he doesn't want her to feel like something is been taken away from her, but the other 2 shouldn't have to be in the same room when she isn't there. Try to figure out some way she can have some privacy when she is over ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 8:47 PM |
| I'm with you completely! For as little as she's there she can share!!!! Tell your husband if he doesn't like it then he can start building on another bedroom!!!!!! ↑ |
| Name: jkm0410 | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 8:58 PM |
| Thanks for the input. I know that this is going to be a huge issue with my stepdaughter, and I want to make sure that my husband and I are on the same page before we discuss it with her. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 31st, 2007 10:48 PM |
| Well if she was there all the time then i would say sure she should have her own private room because she is older but when she is only staying now and then there is no need to ban a room in your house just because it is for her,thats ridiculous!!!Tell your husband she can share or he can start adding on! ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 9:57 PM |
Ok so if you want her to feel like part of the family do not take her room away from her. I do understand that she is ther only 20 day of the yr but I do think she would feel beyond hurt but this . Could the kids that live with you share a room?
Could you add on in the mean time or convert the attic basment or garage?
I am sure she feels that she is not wanted as it is but kicking her out od her room is going to be too hurtful to her.
Yes ya hate to have an empty room most of the year but isn't it better for it to be empty them to hurt her. Imean she already feel resentment to the baby imagin how she would feel if you took her room away from her.Talk about putting more stress in to the mix!!!!
Try and put yourself in her skin.
Jsu my 2 cents
Very best luck!
Serina ↑ |
| Name: sunflower | Date: Feb 3rd, 2007 5:18 PM |
You are not being unreasonable,however how about she has her own room when she comes over and your two share?
At the end of the day his daughter is getting older now and will need her own space! ↑ |
| Name: CutsBruises | Date: Feb 3rd, 2007 5:54 PM |
| I see where his duaghters coming from, shes already lost her parents being together, and now she feels like shes being pushed out from her dads life, it may sound a bit weird, but i do think thats what she feels, it might only be 20 days of the year, but them 20 days WOULD mean allot to her. ALSO beinging a new baby into her life, will hut her, she might think you tyring to push her dad further away from her, i just dont want to see another girl coming on here syaing that she self harms, and shes running away from home. ↑ |
| Name: tb4 | Date: Feb 3rd, 2007 10:21 PM |
| No, I don't think your unreasonable. In fact, my daughter, who is 14 months still sleeps in her own crib in my room. I refuse to put her in with my 12 year old daughter because I feel she needs her space, too. Does the daughter only come for visits around holidays and summer time? If so, then arrange the rooms for when she does come for visits, so that she will have her own room even though it's decorated for your other children. I'm not saying you have to move all the furniture and decorations but it would be like she's a guest in your home because she's not there on a regular basis. When she does come for visits is when you can move the other two children into the same room. I don't know if this will help you out any. ↑ |
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