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I have been with my husband for 6 years. We have been married for 4. I have a daughter aged 11 from a previous relationship and he has a son aged 9 from his previous marriage. We have a daughter aged 5. When his son comes to visit( which granted isn't much as his mother has a tight leash on the time as she lives half way accross the country and always has excuses) - I am banned to the spare mattress in the lounge as he has to sleep with his daddy. I also have to sit in the back of the car and cannot ask him to do anything. My daughters still get shouted at when he is here and he seems to spend quality time with his son- which I encourage. My girls just get a curt- I am busy when asked to spend time with him. My mother in law thinks I am just jealous as he is such an angel. He is a nice boy but really - what am I? ↓
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| Name: Lory | Date: Dec 30th, 2006 9:34 PM |
Hi! Wow! First...sounds like your a great mom,step-mom,and wife!! But...I have to ask (sorry) why are you banned to spare mattress, and backseat? I understand your hubby wanting to spend time with his son. I personally think that is a bit much. Does he include you on parenting issues with his son?
I don't think it's jealousy. (in-laws are like that by the way, not just yours, mine also) Sorry to ask questions. But...have you tried discussing this with your hubby? What are you? FRUSTRATED! Which is totally understandable!! I've been there and done that. When my hubbys kids came. We tried to treat them and our daughter all the same. We tried to be a "family" when they visited. Which wasn't often in our case either. Yeah, honestly there were times when I felt as though I was being "put on the back burner!" So to speak. I encourage you to let your hubby know how you are feeling about this. I'm am sorry I could not offer more advice....just support! For I've been there! Take Care! ↑ |
| Name: momoffour | Date: Jan 2nd, 2007 2:26 AM |
I think thats just wrong. What type of behavior is he teaching his son? Now the sleeping together might have to be changed slowly. But that back seat thing....OMG I would put my foot down. His son needs to realize you are the other half of his fathers life....not a third wheel.
What are you? I think that you should be asking your husband that question. Just make sure you have a talk when theres no anger, then maybe he will see that you are really hurt.
If you are jealous then I would be too...
Good luck ↑ |
| Name: f17rc010 | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 6:56 PM |
| You are much calmer than I think I would be. I could appreciate some alone one on one time with his son, but that would not include taking my place next to my husband in our bed. Someone needs to wake your husband up concerning his relationship with the girls in your house as well. Is there someone close in the family that maybe sees what is going on that he would take advice from? We have a blended family and my husband and brother in law have become the best of friends. If there is something that I don't feel that my husband will hear well from me, I ask my brother in law to strike up a conversation that may lead down that road and he can simply give his opinion. You should not be treated like the little kid next door that has been invited to go to the park and get stuck in the back seat of the vehicle. Hope everything works out for you. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 15th, 2007 7:27 PM |
| You should stop going in the car altogether if you are going to be made to sit in back. As for his son sleeping with him and you in another room,that's kinda creepy! That isn't normal at all! It's obvious your husband puts you and your kids last to himself and his son so if I were you i'd seriously think about another living arrangement and get out of that clowny circus! ↑ |
| Name: gwen929 | Date: Jan 18th, 2007 5:02 PM |
| you are not jealous. why is a 9 yr old sleeping with his dad? that is more sick than anything else. I understand he wants to spend time with his son...but he shouldnt put it at the expense of his marriage. When you have a blended family everyone needs to be treated the same...no matter how much he sees his son. ↑ |
| Name: HHawkins | Date: Feb 8th, 2007 9:03 PM |
| Ok, I would not agree to sleeping somewhere else so his son can sleep with him. I have a similar situation...my husband was previously married and has a 9 yr old son. I had a 3 yr old son when we got married. My son had slept with me from day one. However, when my husband and I talked we agreed no kids in the bed. His ex allowed their son in bed with them and it drove him crazy. I can understand that...3 people in the bed is a lot. So from day one my son was never allowed to sleep in our bed. We did go see a sleep dr to talk to him about best ways to get him to sleep in his bed by himself, esp since we were moving into a new house and a lot of things were different for him. Well, I had some sleepless nights (putting him back in his bed 10 times) and it was rough when he'd cry for me to not give in. However, here we are less than a yr later and he has moved to sleeping in his bed by himself. I put him in his bed awake and he will fall asleep without me even having to be in the room. He still wakes up at night to come get me (some nights, but not all) but I just put him back and leave the room. Well, we recently moved closer to his son (we were states away before) and now we have to address that issue. His Ex still sleeps with him. However, for several reasons I was not going to let him crawl into bed with us...we didn't allow my son, he is 9 yrs old (5'2" and weight about 85 lbs...I don't think so). Well his ex is not happy that we're not allowing him to be in our room with us. She says that at the least he should be able to sleep on the floor. Well, that was not an option for my son, so I told ,my husband..you're going to have to do the same thing I did and suck it up until he sees that when he's here he sleeps in his own room. I, before we bought our house, suggested we let the boys share a room. His Ex said no way (his 9 yr old is mildly autistic). She said he needs his space. Well, guess where his son asked to sleep when we told him he couldn't sleep in our room...yes with my son. So they sleep in the same room together and the 9 yr old never goes in his room that the ex was so insistent on that he needed. Anyway, my point is...you are married to you husband and he is married to you. When you have kids your time together, alone, is minimal, but at least you have your time together when you go to bed...he shouldn't take that away from the 2 of you. He's not really spending quality time with him while he's sleeping anyway. But it can look to the other children that he loves him more. You can't let one child get away with everything just b/c they're not around all the time. They still need boundaries. Remember he decided to marry someone, have a child with her, and then divorce her and not having your child with you 24/7, unfortunately is a consequence. But it doesn't mean you favor that child. You have to live with it. As far as being in the back seat...I agree it shouldn't be happening...however, maybe fight one battle at a time. Hope this helps ↑ |
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