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I have read a few comments here and there over the past few days and also have heard it from other people, that when a new spouse comes into a relationship that they are marrying the other person not the children. I find that to be so sad:( I met my husband while I was a single mother of two and my ex was in prison for four years. When we got married, our ceremony was based around us comign together as a family. I do agree that you should put your marriage first to set an example to your children about faithfulness and commitment, but it just sounds so harsh when people say,"I married you, not your children!" Some of these people are the same ones who say,"Put the children first." I guess I am confused and saddened at the same time. My kids are my life! If my husband would've said to me,"I am marrying you, not your kids" I wouldn't have married him. They want to feel loved too. ↓
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| Name: hls38 | Date: Nov 13th, 2006 10:20 PM |
| No you are not wrong. My BF has 3 children and we are talking about marriage and I know that I am marrying him and marrying into his family. ↑ |
| Name: fancy | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 2:26 AM |
| Hi billy your 100% correct if my hubby ever told me that about my two boys I would have left him at the church if he cannot love my boys then I feel like he cant love me yes I will say my marriage comes first to show the boys what true love is like and they cant come between that when they are fighting and try to play sides they know they will lose but coming to saying he only married me not my two boys that wouldnt happen because he would be marrying himself!! he has to love them first and then me (which he does he said so many times) but my two boys were here first they will be here when hes gone.... ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 4:00 AM |
| Thanks for the feedback! Fancy....I have boys too and they were my little men when it was just the three of us. I could never imagine my life without them as I'm sure you know:) WE LOVE OUR BOYS, don't we.:)! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 9:09 PM |
| billy22---No, I don't think your wrong. When we marry, it's the whole package kids or no kids. I told my hubby the same thing, it's all or nothing. They always come first in my life, he's just the added bonus. ↑ |
| Name: lagniappe | Date: Nov 18th, 2006 3:56 AM |
| I am new here and I have also seen those comments and was bewildered by them. I have a 16 &14 yr old step sons , and a 7 yr old son and a 3 yr old boy . When me and hubby first started he had custody of his 2 boys and i had my one son. If he had not treated my son as well as he did his own then we would not have ever went out. Same with me i treat all the kids equal and they all love me. His sons all tell me that I am there mom no matter what the birth certificate says. I guess i got lucky as that ex has nothing to do with us , so maybe it is easier for me as i have no one else butting in. But I guess the point I want to make in this ramble is Balance is what most post i see on here need. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Nov 18th, 2006 7:06 AM |
Hello,
I do not post here often I am usually in sahm's,
We are a blended family, and yes it is 2 families combining. My Hubby and I had all kinds of problems, until we put OUR relationship first. The kids then had a firm foundation, and could each see they had a special part in our family. Until we did this there was always 2 sides, me and my kids and him and his, now Him and I are one, and the children are all ours. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 18th, 2006 2:42 PM |
| Hi I am kind of new on here. I agree with you Billy, not only am I going to get a wonderful husband eventually, but i got the whole package and I am also getting three beautiful step children. Ofcourse I love there father more than anything, But I love his kids as well. Now they are lucky, they have an even bigger family and can expect more brothers and sisters now also!! ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 18th, 2006 5:41 PM |
| Brooke~ I am especially happy to hear this from you given that you are a soon to be step-mom! I wish that were the way that my boy's soon to be step-mom felt...but I guess in the long run they will figure it all out and confron ttheir father and her about it some day. For now, I am so happy that I have a husband and they have a step-father who them very much! It's all in God's hands and in that I can live peacefully:) ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 19th, 2006 1:56 PM |
The kids will always figure out the good guy.. That is what everyone keeps on telling me. Just sit back right now and enjoy life as it is. We could sit on the couch everyday and cry because of how horrible life is, but think about that? DO you want to be 90-something years old and remember crying and being upset all the time? Or do you want to remember the days at the parks with your family, or the walks you could take together, or the funny movie you watched when everyone laughed so hard they cried?
We all have to remember that there is a reason for everything wether we like it or not. We only live once, so live it up! Live while you can, laugh as loud as possible, and don't let the little things bring you down.
Brooke ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 12:15 AM |
| Thanks Brooke.....I really needed that:) ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 1:44 AM |
| Well, always look at the bright side of everything! I think children with divorced parents are lucky. Thats what I tell mine atleast. They have two mommies, and two daddies, and another chance for more brothers and sisters, and extra grandparents which means a whole lot more X-Mas presents lol.. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 3:57 AM |
| YES! LOL! Christmas is ALWAYS a score! ↑ |
| Name: JESSE | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 4:14 AM |
| I am marrying a man that has a son, possibly 2. When I first met him, I told him that if he wanted to go for full custody I understand and support him. He is the 1st person I ever dated that had a child(ren). Granted we have issues, but I look at us as a family. We have a child of our own now, but when I think of family i think of all of us. I agree with you about setting an example of commitment and so forth. I also think that the "Family" comes first, not the children. It is about everyone, not just the kids. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Dec 5th, 2006 11:34 PM |
| Jesse~I agree whole heartedly that it is about the whole family. It's the attitude of some that concerns me when going into a relationship with someone who has children. You marry for the whole "family" not just for your spouse,right? My husband and I have a very healthy relationship and he loves my kids SO MUCH! He knew from the very beginning that we were a package deal. He told me that one of the things that made him really respect me was the fact that I made my children a priority. We make time for each other and time for family, it works out very well that way:) Kids are more than just little people that need to be raised and sent out into the world so we can have our "alone time". They need to feel liek they are loved ALL the way around and back:) ↑ |
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