Hi Brook Thought since the old one was so long .. might be a good idea.
I have not kids that are my biological kids. Very sad to say : (. I had no broblems with the kids in the begining or now. Only difficulties we had was my son being bipolar it caused a lot of violemt outbursts and such .Now it has seemed to be undercontrll(THANK GOD). It was had in the begining I had to force him to get a receipt signed by her ..since she wanted cash. The x did not want to sign it either . But hey anytime she wanted she could say we did not give her the money and we would have not proff..not good.
x would call last min. to watch the kids. Invite me to see the kids and be rude to me once she saw me.
I still hate that he goes inside her house everytime he drops off the kids .But they have been doing it that way for years so Ideal with it.She would be all toghter rude to me some days and other more kind. I think what finally made me angry is she told me we had to give her pictures of her kids at our wedding.It is a long store and one I do not want to re hash.Lets just say she threated & fussed and name called. No I did not noer will ever give them to her now.
I no longer talk to her if the phon rings and it is her I do not get it unless it is amn emergeny. This seems to work for us now.
SHe does alot of imoral things and I do not like the person she is. I am afraid that the next time I see her it will not be pleasant un less the kids are in ear shot.
So what is going on with you??? ↓
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| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 13th, 2006 2:30 PM |
Serina~ well.. my boyfriend and i were friends for a while before anything started. he has always had doubts about his ex, which even his best friends admit to. so while they were seperated, i was there for his as his friend. than she called me one day and asked me if i would let him live with me until they figured things out. i was more than happy to help, knowing it wouldn't help much with them, i still tried. than we got to talkin one night, and one thing led to another. now we are so deeply in love and she blames me for the ending marriage (GO FIGURE). So she says that he left her for a younger 20 year old little girl.. ha, shes so wrong. he finally just found someone who has completed him, and it's me! so she banned me from the kids, and he had to get a court order to let me be able to see them. the kids adore me, but i think she is still trying to fill their heads with BS which is normal i guess. the kids come over three times a week, and only sleep over once a week, but when they do, i have to leave my house for the night since she is "worried" i might hurt them, which is ridiculous. but i can deal with it for now. his lawyer is trying to figure something out now. so yeah, she has totally stopped talking to me, i wouldnt mind atleast being able to comunicate like adults, but she chooses to be immature and have a grudge. so there is nothing between us, which is ok. and yeah, you said something about him going in the house when he drops the kids off!! mine does that to! but the kids are still little so they deserve to have daddy tuck them in once in a while.
why don't you have any biological children? how old are you? i plan on having kids one day, we still have to get married though. his ex would die if she heard we were getting married, and if she heard anything about us having kids- oh man, sh*t would hit the roof! she'd freak out totally. i would never say she has done wrong raising the kids, but i do think the stuff she tells them is wrong, the kids never did anything wrong to deserve to hear lies and BS. they are not at fault here but she chooses to question them everytime they come home from daddys house. i cant wait until their divorce is finally over so we can go on with our lives and not have to live with lawyers and phone calls, etc.. i feel bad for her because i know she wasnt expecting him to leave, but in know way shape or form, is it my fault. i didnt make him not love her anymore?!?! i just helped him find true love! ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 12:38 PM |
It must be hard on all parties.It will take agrea tdeal of time to sort thing out. Just so you know I think that the bio mother is smart to not have you stay over when the kids do ...ya know morals we want to teach our kids..I had john sleep on the sofa when the kids came over up untill we were married. I mean what parent want there kids tohave sex before marriage ..I mean really.I know it is not relalistice but hey ..they ae kids no need for them to get confused or start thinking it is ok. You know what I mean
You have to try and see it from her piont ... she was expectiong her husband to come back ..how devistatiog must that have been when he didn't. How would you feel.. Wouold you want you kids around someone that"stole" her husband.. Yeah I know that is not fair but it must be how she feel..wrong or right.I am glad he got the court order to allow youto see the kids..that is great . I am just trying to help you see her side. I am not saying it is easy for you " cause Iknow it is not ..I walk that walk every day. Oh and I am sure she thought that she was his true love when all this took place ..ya see how hard it must be.
No, no adult should bad mounth the other parent or ..soon to me step mom in front of the kids! It is not good for the kids!
I hate to say tis but the fight has jsut begun. Once you are marrried she will still & always be a factor in your lives.Just be as kind as you can be and tell the kids ( what a great Mom they have) you know. Do not let them speak bad of her to you.Thius will ensure a more peacful life. The kids need to think that you are ok with eachother for them to feel safe.
Michael will be 15 and Samatha will be 13 . I can not see adding a baby in the mix now at this late date would be the best foe them. I also have a bad back so my pregnancy would be very hard I most likley will be confinded to bed the whole time...I always did think Iwoiuld have my own but I guess it is not in the cards for me.
I hope So info I gave can be helpful ! Ido wish you a world of happiness! Very best of luck for sure!!!! ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 2:41 PM |
Hi Serina~ hey, how are you? when it comes to sleep overs, i think she is wrong no matter what. the kids now wonder why i have to leave MY house when they stay over, and they cry for about an hour after i leave. (i lived there first so they know its "my" house). i think it would be a lot better if my boyfriend or i slept on the couch, just not on seperate premises. it gives the children mixed feelings. i am not saying that we should sleep in the same room, same bed kinds thing, because i agree that that would be inapproiate for the kids to see. but anyways..
i really pray some day i can have a child of my own. that was my main dream- to have children of my own. and my boyfriend has no problem having more children, and making all of my dreams come true. its a good thing he wants more kids. haha.. his kids are, Brooke-6 Richie-4 James-19 months... they are good kids, i love em to death ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 2:54 PM |
HI Brooke
Maybe if she was assured that you would sleep onthe sofa or what ever ( just not together) she will be ok with it. Have you boyfriend explaiit to her on what the arrangement would be so she feels better about it.
I am glad the kids love you so it is wonderful.Glad you love them back! You have a hard road a head of you but well worth it.
Very best to you hon and hope from here on in smooth sailing for you all! ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 2:56 PM |
| Oh Brooke I bumped 2 topica on is Battel over wedding Phots and the other is What is everyones kids visitation? Just so you know what I went through. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 3:56 PM |
| serina~ can you explain to me what a "bump" is, i am now on here and do not know. thank you ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 4:04 PM |
| When you want to push a post to the top you type bump so someone can see it easy...tah is all ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 14th, 2006 4:19 PM |
| oh okay, now i get it! interesting info.. thanks lol ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 4:02 PM |
| Just thooought I would give you some back ground on my life. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 8:02 PM |
| I see it has been a rough long bumpy eventful ride.. Thanks for the heads up! I hope and pray I don't have to deal with half of that BS. ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 12:07 AM |
| I hope it turns out to be smooth sailing for you. Just kill her with kindness. Me just as sweet as you can be.Just keep in mind that she is still very hurt.. just do you best to be understanding and DO not let her up set you and get inbetween you yand your life!!!! ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 1:19 AM |
| yeah, i am trying. it is hard though. she does not know how i feel about certain things. we do NOT communicate at all. i dont think its any of her buisness how I feel. i try to be understanding, and the second i start to feel bad, she does or says something stupid to make me not feel bad anymore. does that make sence? ↑ |
| Name: Serina S | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 4:08 AM |
| Yeah it makes perfect logic...to me . Just be you and thing I hope will work out for you all. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 4:35 AM |
| Thank you Serina. I believe in My boyfriend and us all the way.. we can do this, as long as we have each other, i believe we can do it all! ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 17th, 2006 4:20 AM |
| To Brook W---Despite what the ex tries to do, she can't control your house. My ex's lawyer kept bringing up the issues that my boyfriend was living with me because he didn't want his children around him. The ex didn't want the kids to like or have any fun with him and he felt like he was being replaced as a father. Thankfully, in the courts, there was nothing my ex could do about my relationship. Granted, when I started my divorce, I had to go to a class for parents going through divorces and they did discuss about not having a serious relationship with someone else for at least a year. Well, you know what, who usually waits at least a year? There isn't very many. I wouldn't leave my own home when his children sleep over just because the nut job doesn't like it. However, I would consider sleeping on the couch or in another room while the children are present. This way, you can't get accused of sexual relations in front of the children's eyes. However, I take it, your boyfriend's ex is the primary care giver of the children and your boyfriend gets visitation? Therefore, she won't be able to take the children away from him and he'll still get his visitation time. However, it may become an issue if he's trying for full custody of them. May I ask how long has he been officially separated from the ex? If it's been longer than 6 months, then I don't believe there is anything she can do about. That was my biggest fear when I was going through my divorce. Yet, I was awarded joint custody as the primary residental custodial parent. So, my relationship didn't have any bearing at all. Now, if I had been caught in the act of cheating, then I could of had problems. However, that wasn't my case either. In fact, I kicked my husband out of the bedroom several months before I left and filed for divorce. It sound's like the ex has a serious jealously problem and it will take some time for her to get past it. Avoiding her at all costs is your best step for now. Once, things settle down and some time has passed, you and your boyfriend will become stronger in your relationship and there won't be anything she can do to harm it. After some time, the things she does will bounce off your shoulders. Just remember to keep telling yourself that and it will. Since she does alot of immoral things, you have to accept her for the way she is. There is no way you can ever try to change her thinking or get her to think on the same level as you and your bf. Stupid is forever and that's what I tell my ex all the time. Oh, yeah, he does a lot of idiotic things and I mostly have to bring the issues to his attention. However, all it does is tick him off more but he will never correct the error of his ways. So, I have to try really hard to keep my head afloat. All I can suggest to you, is continue to enjoy your life with your boyfriend and his children. Don't let her get the best of you and don't let her tell you how to run your home. As long as you do things that are in the best interest of the children, you can never go wrong. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 17th, 2006 1:28 PM |
Hi Tweety. Thank you for all of your advice. how old are you? I am still very young, I am only 20 at the moment. What state are you from because I know that the laws are different. At the moment, i am aloud to be around my boyfriends kids, but his ex has made if so I can not be at my house when they do over nights. We were planning on sleeping in seperate rooms because we felt that it was inapropriate to sleep in the same bed/room. We aren't stupid but she obviously thinks so. We care more about the children than anything, and all we want is for them to not be so confused. Its bed enough they have to deal with her questioning them and asking them all sorts of questions when they come home from daddys house but there is nothing we can do about that.
I understand that things will settle down sooner or later, but i have no patience for stupidity. She knows I would never hurt the children or do any wrong to them, but yet she still chooses to be dumb and act like I am a threat to her kids. oh well... I will just sit back and smile, because when you kill em with kindness, that really eats away at them for sure. And I am really good at killing people with kindness, it's my speciality!!!!
Thanks again for all your advice. Keep in touch please. ~Brooke~ ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 1:26 PM |
| BrookW---Hi, the ex definitely has issues. She sounds like she's really bent because you are so young. However, that doesn't mean you still aren't mature enough to handle the situation appropriately. I live in Illinois and my age, well, I stopped having birthday's after 25. Just hang in there. This time will pass. The ex has to get over the fact that her ex husband has moved on with his life and she's miserable over it. Although, she may be bitter for a long time, just brace yourself for it. Your right about not being able to stop the kids from reporting back to her. It sounds like no matter how much of a good time you all have, the ex isn't going to like it one bit. But, they will learn what to say and not to say. It will take a while but they'll learn on their own. Kids are pretty tough and they'll be able to bounce better than you think. Try not to worry about the little things, there're not that important. As long as you stay focused on the big issues at hand, you all will be just fine. Sometimes, you may have to correct their thinking about what their mother says to them but make sure you explain things that they can relate too. My ex still says crap about me and my husband all the time. I don't even have to ask them that something is wrong, I can usually tell. So, instead of asking them, I shift the gears to let them know that what he says is just works and isn't always the truth. However, they want something clarified a little more, they know when to ask. After 3 years, we don't talk about the ex. They have pretty much figured out that most things that do come out of his mouth is a dig and not the truth. I don't kill my ex with kindness because the only time he is nice to me is when he wants to find out information from me or thinks he's got me over a barrel. Yet, in his case, stupid is forever because he never realizes that he looks like an idiot when he pulls these stunts. I'm usually pretty quiet and keep to myself, but him on the other hand, runs around like he's Disneyland Dad believing that everyone else thinks he's Mr. Wonderful. It's so funny because it's all a show. Unfortunately, his irresponsible parenting skills out shine his Mr. Wonderful personality. So, keep doing what your doing and you can't go wrong. Give the children as much love and guidance as you can and they will appreicate you for it. ↑ |
| Name: BrookeW | Date: Nov 21st, 2006 2:54 PM |
| Thank you! You make complete sence. I am just trying to take one day at a time and see what happens. If a situation arises that I feel the need to approach than so be it, but until then, I am just going to be happy as possible with my S2B hubby and step kids. Thanks again for all your support. ↑ |
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