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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Oct 13th, 2006 5:07 PM |
| What a bunch of chaos! I bet it almost makes you want to forget about the kids and they can come see you if they want when they're 18 huh? I don't understand why some people have to make the simplest things so damn difficult! If there is no proof of neglect or abuse then why are you unable to see your kids? ↑ |
| Name: Texas_Mom | Date: Oct 14th, 2006 12:23 AM |
| Francine: There comes a time when dealing with ex's where one needs to drop the rope and stop playing tug of war. Every time the kids or mom get the reaction from you guys that she's seeking, it puts a feather in her cap. Drop the rope. I realize it's very difficult for everyone involved, however, you're not giving up, you're just dropping the rope. If mom wants to make allegations, let her. Also let her produce the proof in court. Maybe you and dad need to take a "holiday" from the kids and concentrate on your new baby. Purposely spend time AWAY from the kids. No phone contact. No visits, etc. I sense that you two are a united front and maybe everyone needs to take a giant step back and regroup for a period of time. You two will never give up on those kids, the kids have given up on you. I would think twice about getting "another" lawyer. Why would you want to prolong the agony? Good Luck. ↑ |
| Name: mari007 | Date: Oct 15th, 2006 3:07 PM |
| From: Mari Johnson Email Address: [email protected] Peace be with you, My name is Mrs. Mari Johnson., a nationality of Morocco . I am married to late Mr.david johnson who worked with Moroco embassy in Ivory Coast for nine years before he died in the year Octorber 2003. We were married for twenty years with a child. He died after a the illness that lasted for long four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. When my late husband was alive we deposited the sum of ($9.5 Million U.S. Dollars) with one of good security company here in Cote d'Ivoire. Presently, this money is still with the security company. Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next three months due to my cancer problem. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a person or church that will use this fund to churches, orphanages, research centres and widows propagating the word of God and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I have a child that will inherit this money but my son can not carryout this work only because i and my late husband decide to use some of the money to work for God and live some for our son to have a better live.our son is just 17yearold now and been grow up in africa, he have low manterity and my husbandīs relatives are not Christians and I donīt want my family hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I donīt want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going to. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I want your telephone communication in this transaction because of my health because of the presence of my family relatives around me always .call me or my son his name is kevin johnson, I donīt want any of my husband family relatives to recieve this money. With God all things are possible.As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the Finance/company. I will also issue you a letter of authority that will empower you as the new beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd. My happiness is that I live a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated here. Expecting to hearing from you Remain blessed. email: [email protected] Mrs Mari Johnson ↑ |
| Name: Francine | Date: Oct 16th, 2006 7:02 PM |
| Lizzi and Texas Mom...Thanks for the advice...we have decided to take a break - drop the rope. The order of protection we are not gonna fight...instead let it stand so that it sort of protects us too - keeping distance from us. Regarding the lawyer...we would love to ignore correspondence from her lawyer...is that possible? And not to go to court in the future? ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Oct 17th, 2006 7:07 PM |
| Francine--I doubt you can ignore the lawyer's correspondences. Plus, failing to show up on your behalf in court in not a good sign before the judge. Make sure you double check with your attorney to see if you need to be present during the court dates. As far as the ex goes, try not to listen to whatever is said. It's hearsay and that's extremely hard to prove in court. If you know for certain there is physical abuse involved, besure to contact DCFS. If you suspect emotional abuse, take the children to see a counselor, so that the information can be documented and used in court. Granted, going through counselors is very expensive and takes a great deal of time but if you are looking out for the well being of the children, perhaps it will benefit you in the long run. Also, it will help the children to cope with all the issues that have to deal with. A bias counselor will be able to help guide the children in believing in good morals. Emphasize that you are trying nothing but to teach them good morals for their future lives. If they happen to repeat something crude that the ex said, don't get aggrevated in front of them but remain calm and responsd in a diplomatic way. They will be seaching for it. Overtime, they will learn to see which parent is reasonable and understanding oppose to the other parent, who does not but speak negatively. Unfortunately, it's a long legal process but with a great deal of patience and persistance, it will pay off in the end. I take it you have to drive a distance in order to see the children. If you can, try to do so. It's important to them even though you may think it's not doing any good. It will be in the back of their minds that you still care about them. As far as seeking out a good attorney, contact your local DCFS department and see if they could offer any recommendations. Tell them you are looking for an aggressive attorney, who is willing to get the job done. Contact the local courthouse, maybe they can recommend someone. Although, if you use somewhere that has to travel that could become expensive, too. Finding a good attorney is hard to do. Ask around, talk with other people about attorney's. Perhaps, while your in court waiting, you can speak with others about what attorney they are using. See if you can find out if they are pleased with the progress. I wish you luck and hope that things will get alot better for you. Even if the ex is a pain in the butt, try to call and speak to the children. Perhaps they won't get the call but it's worth a try. Don't give up. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Oct 18th, 2006 8:35 PM |
| Francine---Sorry about my post on New wifes/ex wifes. I posted a comment there thinking your children were 13 & 16. I don't know how old your children are. I'm sorry you have to go through this. keep in mind you will always have to deal with the ex. As much as you want peace and happiness, her goal is to make everyone miserable because she is miserable. Don't give her any satisfaction to it. Make sure you and your husband put on your happy face when your around her and pretend as much as you can that everything's going great. That will eat her up. If she says anything to you in a negative manner, just look back with a smile without a word. She will wonder what is going through your mind. Try to focus on your newborn and keep your environment upbeat and happy. If the children see that you all are happy and content, perhaps they will become a part of it. As far as battling in court over the order of protection, perhpas you can suggest a different meeting place without their mom present. She acting like she has supervised visits but your not allowed. What a nut job!!! Why can't the ex just get along for the children's sake? I take it you all have to drive a distance in order to see the children? That hard to do. Perhaps you all could plan a special gathering at your home once a month and invite family and friends over to keep the children occupied and entertained. Play games, cards, go skating, bowling or something. These kinds of activities with other people in your home will take the pressure off them and allow them to interact with other people around you. I don't know if my advice has helped but I do hope things get better for you. ↑ |
| Name: momto3stepto2 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 2:30 AM |
| I sympathize with your situation. I do think that it's wonderful that your husband is standing by you. It must be heart wrenching for him not to see his kids but it's ridiculous that this woman is so JEALOUS of you that she makes a rule you can't be around when the kids are and you have to leave in order for him to see them. I'm surprised my husband's ex didn't pull something like this because it's right up her alley. It's hard dealing with a psycho ex. You and your husband just have to keep standing together and you will get through this. The Bible says you are supposed to pray for your enemies. This is the hardest thing to do. But just try it and see if it makes a difference. I applaud your husband for sticking by your side. Mine wouldn't have. Sounds like you have a wonderful man! I hope you both can see his kids really soon and that everything works out. They have a new sibling and shouldn't be excluded from the new baby's life, or yours. ↑ |
| Name: Francine | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 7:33 PM |
| Thanks to all who replied....we decided not to go to court for the order of protection hearing. I wrote a brief letter to the courts regarding past cases for reference and left it at that. We have not heard anything and court was 4 days ago. Now, my husband and I are trying to figure out if we should continue to see the kids or not. They are 9 and 12. If they are not happy about seeing us 4 days a month, should we put them and us thru it? Also, their mother wouldn't be able to use them as pawns anymore. They would probably hold a grudge against me(with mom's input) for taking dad away, but they do anyway. How do you get kids to see the truth without badmouthing their mom? ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 8:54 PM |
| Francine---It's extremely hard to get children to see if they have so much faith in one parent. The only thing you can do right now is just be the kind and loving person you are. See what the judge says. Hopefully, he/she will agree that both parents need to be in the children's lives. Allowing them to get what they want now by not seeing their dad, will only make matters worse when they get older. Perhaps the issues get tougher down the road and if they don't get their way, what are they going to be like then? Giving up on them is only teaching them it's ok to just give up. People/children are forced to do things they don't want to all the time, but the idea is life is all about not wanting to do the things we want to. What makes them think they are any different than anyone else? If we give in to kids and give them what they want, then they ought to be able to move out, get a job and support themselves. Why would they need parents? They need parents until they turn 18 and for some, they need them alot longer. You want to lay down the moral values here. I know the ex is being a pain in the butt, but you are letting her win by not seeing the children. The children will look at it as you didn't care about them to just give up. Even though, they are voicing their opinions now. They won't see the broad picture until their older and have kids of their own. Refer it to them like having a job. Just because they are irritated with their boss doesn't mean that they should quit work and not earn an income. It's the same thing here. Your trying to teach them how to be responsible, not give up on things and be respectful along the way. I'm sorry Francine, this situation isn't easy. There are days I feel like giving up to even though this is what my son wants. I guess I'm a stubborn bird and won't. If I'm supposedly making his life so miserable along the way, hopefully, one day he'll look back and see that I stuck it out. I wish you luck and happiness. Cheer up, one day, thing may turn around. Good will and patience will pay off and this shall pass. ↑ |
| Name: Francine | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 6:46 PM |
| pj754...how do you see children you have no trust in...my husband and I don't trust them around our 6 month old, nor in our house while we sleep. ↑ |
| Name: pj754 | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 7:04 PM |
| Francine--If you feel threatened by the children, then I would be concerned for everyone's safety, too. Obviously, they have done things inside your home that has put a lot of fear inside you. That's tough. Have these children been into any counseling? Do they have troubles in school? Are they acting out not only with you and your husband but in their mom's environment as well? If they are, sounds like they are having difficulty dealing with the break up of their mom and dad. They are letting it filter into their behaviors. Perhaps they just don't understand that they can love mom and dad all the same even though they aren't under the same roof. I guess I'm not a very good person to make any comments here. I'm having trouble with my 13 year old as well. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm searching for answers for my own situations and is trying to get incite from others, too. ↑ |
| Name: Francine | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 4:19 PM |
| pj754 - funny how counseling is not helping. I don't think their mom is letting go so the kids can't either. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 1:33 AM |
| I am currently goign through a similar situation only I am in the position of the Biological Mother. My oldest boy has been physically, emotionally and verbally mistreated by the soon-to-be-wife. I have done nothing but try to see both sides, but when my ex confirms that these situations truly did occur, but got blown out of proportion I have to wonder what part of "PROTECT OUR CHILDREN" doesn't he get? He too chooses the new wife over the kids and I just think that is so sad:( If she truly loved him, she would be willing to sacrifice a little for him to be able to see his kids....even if that means leaving the house every other weekend for a few hours. I have chose at this point not to go forward with trying to make it so the kids can't see there Dad or be around her, instead I have chosen to modify the parenting plan(with the help of an EXCELLENT lawyer). I have documented everything and even have emails and text messages and voicemails saved in case this ever happens again. My kids love their Dad enough to put up with her to an extent, but I have forwarned them that if anything EVER happens again, they will never see my children again. This has been a very hurtful situation for everyone on a lot of levels, but I am told it will get better. I hope that your situation will get better and that maybe you can see that a little self sacrifice for the sake of your husband and his kids isn't going to hurt you....but it will hurt the kids if you don't. You have a newborn. How would you feel? ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:17 AM |
| Wow! billy22, and it kills me you use my nephews name! You've got some really great advice! Are you liven in your own land? Don't try to act like your thinkin of kids. R U on Somthin? ↑ |
| Name: Lory | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:20 AM |
| Oh yah, sacrifice? Sounds great? Excellent lawyer? Is support payin for him/her? Or AFDC? Good Luck bio mom!!! ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Nov 8th, 2006 5:44 PM |
| To Lory~ I think you may think I am someone else.....you should really be careful about what you say to others before you know about them. And for your information, I have a very good life with my husbadn and we pay for our own attorney and such. Not sure what you mean about using your nephews name since I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about! I wish i did! I am CONFUSED! i am being attacked by someone after only being on here one time and it sound as if you truly think I must be someone else. You are not the only one going through some of these situations..TRUST ME! ↑ |
