Two years ago I relocated to my husband's home town. We had been married one year and were living apart. We each had two children from previous marriages, and moving mine to Texas was the only viable option. Little did I know exactly what I was getting into.
I feel like I have stepped into his ex-wife's previous life. Not only have I given up the comfort of close friendships and family by moving here, but I have also entered the ex-wife's world. When my husband's children visit (every other weekend and every Wed., 16 yr old boy and 13 yr old girl), the references to their mom are ridiculous. I am constantly hearing her name over and over. Last weekend, his daughter had been here at mere 90 minutes and she brought her mom into the conversation 7 times. This is not unusual. She even made of point of telling me about how her mom and dad sat together at her all day track meet and cheered her on. Now, there is nothing wrong with them doing that, but there always seems to be a motive in her telling me those things. She is constantly trying to engage my husband in stories about her mom and her mom's family, including referencing old family vacations and current interactions between her mom and dad. Just another stupid example, if she's wearing something of her mom's and her dad tells her it's a cute shirt, she'll respond with, "Well, I guess you're complimenting mom because it's her shirt." And honestly, sometimes my husband isn't much better...he's learning that it's quite tiresome for me, but he can't seem to help himself. Between him and his kids, she somehow comes up every day.
Isn't this unusual? They've been divorced almost 8 years, I've been in his life for the last 5 years. I understand she is a part of my life that will not go away, but this is ridiculous. My children rarely feel the need to bring their dad into the conversations, and they certainly don't spend every weekend reminiscing about old times.
When my husband and I met, there was still a certain degree of hostility between the two of them. For the kids' sake, I am glad that has subsided. And I'm not so much concerned about my husband's present feelings about his ex-wife as much as I am wondering his daughter's motivation... and I don't know how to handle it. It wears me out. When she visits, I feel like I am in someone else's house. I feel like a complete outsider when the focus is on his kids, their mom, their neighbors, family members, and their old life.
Please give me some insight as to why this is happening and how I can deal with it constructively. ↓
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