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I need some advice on what to do. Last year me and my husband where having problems and he moved in with a friend of our for a few months we were talking about divorce. In that time I was going out with a few people from work and ended up messing around with a guy I work with. Now I am 7 months pregnant and my husband has moved back in and we are trying to work things out. He knows about the baby and is not happy however trys to except it. Now why I need advice is that me and husband have a 6 year old son who keeps asking for a brother or sister now that mommy and daddy are getting along. I dont know how to tell him about the baby or the rest of our familys for that matter(expecially my in-laws who are very loving but I dont thnk would understand). I am scared and as supportive as my husband trys to be I can see the disappointment in his eyes every time he looks at me and I can't blame him. I would love to raise this baby with my husband but the father of the baby want's to be apart of it (which I can't blame him either). He has not up to this point been a part and lives a kinda crazy single life but keeps talking about it and how much he can't wait to be a daddy. I just feel as if I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and every day that goes by it just gets tighter and harder to breath. Please help me. ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 24th, 2007 8:12 PM |
| Tighter and harder to breathe? That's anxiety hon! As for your situation,well what's done is done. Your husband already knows the truth so the worst parts over I'd say. Everyone else will just have to accept it or not! You and your husband need to sit down and have a very long serious conversation about what this means because the babies biological father has rights no matter if your husband likes it or not. Your husband has to decide if he can live with the reality of it all and it's best if he can make his mind up BEFORE this baby arrives. It's a tough decision but one only your husband can make. He has got some long and hard thinking to do about the BIG picture of the future. We are talking about 18 long years of visitations from another man who like it or not will be a steady figure in this childs life,(if he really desires a relationship with the child). The only other thing you could do is talk with the babies biological father and ask if he would be willing to give up all rights to the child and if so then maybe your husband could adopt the child himself if he is interested. But then there is also the situation of what if it is a boy and looks just like his father? I don't think that is going to sit well with your husband on a day to day basis as it will be a constant painful reminder of what happened. Some men can overlook that because of the love they have for their wives,other men can't. You and your husband need to talk deeply about ALL of these things and then HE needs to make a decision. If he chooses to stay then as far as the in-laws go,let your husband speak with them alone about it and he can explain and tell them that since he chooses to stay they must also accept you and the new baby as he is or if not then he will only be visiting them alone in the future. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: tgriff079 | Date: Jan 24th, 2007 9:32 PM |
| Thanks I appreciate your advise. The thing that sucks is that I don't think I can live with the babies father having visitation for 18 years he drives me crazy. I am so scared that because of one stupid night I have ruined 5 lives. I would like to think if I put the baby up for adoption it would be better off but I know he would never go for it. I think one of my biggest problems is that the babys father has been know to have a drug problem(not since I have know him) and hangs out in strip clubs every night. Not that there is anything wrong with it however that isn't something I want around my child. Not to mention he is 10 years older then me and has'nt had his license for 5 years for 2 DUIs and has 5 more years. I just dont think he is father material. I know I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I just wish the elephant sitting on my chest would go away. Thanks again. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 25th, 2007 6:27 PM |
| hi again! I f you wnat to put this baby up for adoption,it is YOUR right to do so,NOT the biological fathers! (Or did you mean your husband doesn't want you to give the baby up?) ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 26th, 2007 2:11 AM |
| I agree with Lizzi. First of all, you need to have a serious talke with your hubby about your future plans. Discuss how the both of you can work this out together. Pretty soon, you will be showing your pregnancy and therefore, your family will be inquiring. You need to prepare yourselves on what you plan to do about raising the baby, the baby's father, is he going to pay you child support, visitation, etc... You mention that your son wanted a baby brother or sister....well, this child is still part of him, too. Hun, I understand this is going to be tough to get through but if your husband is willing to stand by you through all of this, then you both need to sit down and talk about it. You have to find out if your husband is willing to go through all of this. I believe alot of this is going to depend on whether or not he can accept this child as part of the family. I'm sure he understand that the child is innocent in all of this and I'm sure you both with make the right decisions. Your in-laws may not understand but if your husband stands beside you that may ease things. I certainly hope for the best for all of you. It's not going to be easy but the longer you hide things the harder it's going to become. If your husband truly loves you and understands that people do make mistakes, yet, he's willing to work things out with you.....you have a good man. I will pray for the best for all of you. ↑ |
| Name: tgriff079 | Date: Jan 26th, 2007 4:02 PM |
| Thank you both for your help Lizzi to awnser your question My husband asked if I would but that he would understand if could not because he couldnt have imagined not having our son now. I read somewhere that in the state of florida you have to have both parents permission to do adoption. I really just want this baby to have a chance at a good life and like I said me and the babys father have to different outlooks on what that is. as for the Child support thing I dont know if he is planning on it or not he hasn't help with anyhting money wise this far I have payed for all the doctors visits and preperation stuff myself well with my husbands help. He really is a great man stronger then I think I could be I just dont want to hurt him anymore. ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 27th, 2007 2:43 PM |
| Hun, I know you don't want to hurt him anymore. The hurt will go away because I'm sure when the two of you separated, it was just as much his fault as yours, right? Just communicate with your husband. Tell him how you feel and he may have the compassion and understanding. If you talk this over with hubby, perhaps you both can agree together about what you plan to do. Even if the step father has his own ideas about raising your child, your still the mother and will be the primary care giver. At least, that would give you a little more control over decisions that need to be made. I know for myself, I was having a difficult time when I was pregnant with my 4th child. I was a divorced unwed mother that really took a toll on my emotions. I worried so much about what other people would think of me being pregnant, not married. However, as much as it bothered me emotionally, I knew I had the love and support from the baby's father. We ended up getting married which made things so much easier for me mentally. You do need to create a plan on what you want to do and perhaps you should consult an attorney about all the legal issues for the baby's future. You want to prepare yourself as much as you can. The step father doesn't seem so willing to help at the moment but I certainly wouldn't want you to go through the whole pregnancy and delivery for him to turn around and fight you for custody. Your feelings of being pregnant with the baby will all change during the delivery. You will have all the same loving feelings you had when you delivered your first son. Your eyes will fill up with tears of joy. This all depends on what both you and your husband decide to do together. I do hope things go well for you. I hope your pregnancy isn't giving you any troubles? Just try to prepare yourself as much as you can. You are strong, you just don't realize it. You can do all of this. You take care. ↑ |
| Name: tgriff079 | Date: Jan 29th, 2007 3:31 PM |
| Thanks Twetty. I have good days and bad if you know what I mean one minute everything is great and the next I am a wreck. I just dont the babys father to fight me all the way because thats really just how he is. I only want whats best for the baby. Does anyone know the custody laws in the state of Florida. I really do want to get a lawyer I just cant afford it right now. Again thanks for all your advise it is a big help that not every one out there thinks I this horrible person for everything thats happened. ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 29th, 2007 5:18 PM |
tgriff079---Try not to worry so much. I do know exactly what ya mean though. I, too, don't like arguing with my kids father. Yet, he's always up to sneaky things. Anything to hurt me or make me suffer is his moto. I just take him with a grain of salt. Most of what he says to me rolls right off my shoulders. Clearly, everytime he opens his mouth confirms that he's just plain stuck on stupid.
I don't know about the laws in Florida. However, you might want to do some research on-line in your area. I'm sure there are some websites that have listings of the law that you can read. Plus, you may want to contact your local court house and ask them to direct you to some public defenders. Also, you could try to contact your State's Attorney's office to see if they could assist you. Do as much research on your own as you can so that you are more prepare. Attorney's have a way of leaving you in the dark about specific details. I do hope things will get better for you. Remember, tomorrow's a new day. ↑ |
| Name: island222 | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 12:04 AM |
| Hi, this is a tough one, some attorneys will do a free consultation, you should look into that, I think if the father of the child is living a crazy life, he won't be able to care for the child, it is in the childs' best interest to be put for adotion, there are so many families waiting to adopt and willing to love those children and give them the world, the baby might have a better future, the istuatiomn with your husband is a very delicate one, and everyday of his life he is going to be reminded of the fact that the baby is not his, you really need to talk to him heart to heart and see where he stands in all of this.... and see where you stand, if your husband decides to leave you, will you be okay, or will you resent the child? all those things come into play... ↑ |
| Name: tgriff079 | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 6:33 PM |
| Well I think about all of that stuff trust me, would I resent the baby if he leaves if I give it up will I resent him. its so hard to make a decision like that not knowing what is going to happen next. I really am just so confused on the next step to take. I am getting to the point where I just want to run away and foget who I am. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Feb 4th, 2007 12:47 AM |
| well i am 14 and cannot say nuthin but my mom did the same thing but did not get preganent. she is still married and thinking of marriing her boss. i personally think it is wrong but my mom doesnt think so. ↑ |
| Name: tgriff079 | Date: Feb 8th, 2007 2:12 PM |
| Im sorry to hear that honey it must be hard for you at this age. That is another thing that scares me. The father of this baby has been starting to skip work and everyone comes running to me to ask why I dont want to be responsable of him he is 36 and should act like it. I dont know how to do this I dont hink I can deal with my son going to a house where there are strippers hanging out with drugs and stuff. I just want to ask for him to give up his right not even just for my husand but for my self I dont think I can do it. ↑ |
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