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HELP!!!!! PLEASE, I got pregnant with my 4 1/2 year old daughter when I was 17. The father and I immediatly split up afterwards. We never went to court and got custody established, he was suppossed to pick her up every weekend (but would often skip out) sometimes he would go 2 weeks without seeing her not even a phone call. He would pay me $200.00 a month though but not always at once 50 here, 100, here and sometimes the full amount. No matter what he would do anything in the WORLD to make my life miserable and pick a fight with me at any chance he gets and then expects me to let my daughter get in a car and drive away with her. Not to mention there has been a couple of times when he has came to pick her up and has reeked of alcohol. Anyways to make a long story short, I met a man when my daughter was 7 months old and he has been raising and taking care of her ever since. We have been together for 5 years and just recently gave birth to a baby girl thats 4 1/2 months, we plan on getting married ASAP. Ever since the baby has been born my ex has been making comments like maybe Laelah should go live with him (like now that I have Emma I dont need Lae anymore) and he hasn't paid any child support, so I asked him on night again for the 4th time if he had it and he said no and started raising his voice and I asked him to lower his voice because my baby was sleeping and that made him get even louder and he said at least I'm not one of those deadbeat dads that dissapear and owe $50,000. ......so he left without Laelah of course, and hasn't seen her since and that was in the very beginning of December, he called out of Christmas Eve but never since, until I cancelled the debit child support card that he took from me and was using!!!!! because he is ordered to pay $100 a month through the state, but like I said no custody is established. I would think it is in the best intrest of Laelah if he gave up his parental rights because Gerry is her "Dad" and she wants to know why her last name cannot be the same as ours. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG BUT I REALLY NEED SOME HELP!!!!!!!!!! ↓
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| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 28th, 2007 2:29 PM |
| Well, dear, perhaps you need to consult an attorney about your situation. However, he has every right to excercise his father's rights, even though, he's not the most responsible parent. If he doens't come to pick up Laelah, then think of it as being more beneficial for you and her that she's not spending anytime with him. Especailly, if he's drinking and perhaps driving a car while intoxicated. As for the support, the only way your going to force him to pay is to take him to court over it. He just sounds jealous cause you met someone and you had another baby. He doesn't like the fact that you all are a happy family now and he's wondering, who does he have in his life. If he does come to your door drunk to pick your daughter up, I wouldn't let her go. You would be looking out of her best interest to not let her go. However, I doubt you will be able to get him to sign off his parental rights. An attorney would be able to explain those matters to you. Your daughter is 4 1/2 years old, you have many more years of dealing with her father. You need to think about her future and try to establish some kind of stability for her well being. You don't have to stand there and allow him to yell and scream at you either. Just close the door and don't answer him. Then, I would call the law to let them know he's harrassing you. Hun, you and the new man your with need to sit down and discuss what your future plans are in regards to Laelah. Is he willing to help you to hire an attorney to get custody and visition arrangements on record? The main reason why I'm saying that you need to act on this now because the father could file something against you by saying your an unfit mother or something in that line. Plus, you don't want to be accused that you never let him see your daughter. A judge doesn't like it when one parent refuses any parental rights. Trust me, I've been through that and it's no good. You've got to get something done legally on paper, otherwise, this man will constantly aggregivate you anyway possible. As much as you may be afraid to take this step forward, you are doing what's in the best interest of your daughter. I will tell you to get a calendar journal and write down every single encounter you have with the father. Write down every time he doesn't pick her up, call or pay the support. These could become useful for you in court. Document everything....dates and times. You have to make sure that you emphasize that you are wanting to establish stabilitiy in your daughter life. The father is obviously unable to handle things on his own. Then when he doesn't play by the rules that was set before th courts, you will have be able to have more control with your daughter's life. Going through all of this isn't going to be easy. Yes, it will probably make the father extremely mad but you have to fight for what is right.....your daughter's well being. If you do get married, your new hubby becomes the step-dad and will have rights, too. Especially, if he's been supporting both you and your daughter. Then, after you have things finalized in court and the father cancels his visitation, it's for the better, right? At least you know, she is being taken care and you don't have to worry when she's with him. However, in the beginning process, I would bring up his absences to your attorney because it shows parental neglect on his part. I'm sorry your going through this. The only one, who really suffers is the child. You have to always keep in mind....What's in her best interest? I do hope things will get better for you. I'm sorry if I couldn't offer you much help but if I was in your shoes.....this is what I would do. Please, keep us posted on how things go for you all. Take care. ↑ |
| Name: ashleymama | Date: Jan 28th, 2007 4:34 PM |
| offer much help?? You did the world from me, I just wanted to hear it from someone else (what I was thinking) I dont know if I will have him give up his paternal rights but I am definatly going to go to court and get FULL physical custody!! Thank you so much for all your help tweetybird, it made me feel better ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 28th, 2007 7:59 PM |
| I'm glad to help. Your a good mommy, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Don't get your hopes up that you may win full custody but at least you will have something more stable than you have now. I'm sorry, I always think the worst so that I won't be disappointed cause anything can happen. You hang in there, be strong and keep your wits about you. Don't let his lack of wisdom affect you and your abilities of raising your family. Your taking steps in the right direction. I'm glad for you! ↑ |
| Name: HHawkins | Date: Feb 8th, 2007 9:33 PM |
| A suggestion as well...you could arrage to meet at a community place. This is a place wher the parents exchange the kids...it would help in this manner...there are legal people there to make sure things go smoothly. It would decrease him showing up planning on picking a fight (they wouldn't tolerate that), if he shows up drunk they won't allow him to have her and they can document it (their documents hold higher in court than yours do), and if he doesn't show, once again they can document it and it shows the court his inconsistency. Yes, it may never be enough to force him to sign his rights over, but the alcohol thing may force him to have supervised visitation. B/c of the fact that he's endangering the child...trust me supervised visitation isn't fun...my son's dad had to do it and he rarely came. If he did he was there for about 20 mins then left. And like I said, yes it can be a pain b/c you still have to plan your day as if he's going to show, but in court it'll be their documentations that hold higher worth than yous. If you don't want to go that route...the I would suggest this. When he comes to pick her up and he shows up smelling of alcohol, have your boyfriend call authorities. But don't let him know you are. They can come and document as well, that he showed up drunk. They can also make the decision that he's not taking the child with him (also shows you're not keeping him from her, the law is). When he doesn't show you can call and have them document that he didn't show. The only bad thing with this is after awhile law enforcement gets sick of coming out to do paperwork when there are other things out there that are more serious. But, while it's good to document yourself, if you have someone in legal also documenting it shows to be more true. Also, record conversations you have with him on the phone. As long as one party knows the conversation is being recorded it's not illegal. Don't let him know you're doing it. And don't use it as evidence until you have something good. B/c once he knows what your doing he'll watch himself...and I mean record all conversations. You never know what he may say. If he threatens the child in any way they will give him a restraining order. But you need it recorded. If he threatens only you, they will only give you the restraining order. My son's father threatened to kill me "choke the like out of me" where his words...however since it wasn't a threat to harm the child he was still allowed his visitation. Anyway, as far as child support...it's a terrible system. My son's father has never been current (in 4 yrs) and to this day he has never had to be in jail for it or has never been punished for it...so get used to it. The best that can happen for you...if he owes you child support, when he files his taxes the state will see that he owes you money and will automatically take that amount out of his return and send it to you. He'll never see the money...I've received most of his income tax return since my son was born. It's not everything he owes, but it's better than nothing. Don't include child support in your budget...it's not guaranteed income to you. Also, since you were never married (neither was I) you being Laelah's guardian (he'll have parenting time...but he won't be a guardian) will always be able to claim her on your taxes. He won't be able to unless you sign a paper saying he can. My ex claimed our son this past yr...well so did I b/c I didn't sign the paper...well the IRS contacted me to let me know that someone else claimed him and wanted to make sure I was his guardian. I told them yes I was and they said ok. They are now going after him to get their money back they gave him. I know in some states people who were married have to switch off yrs...if you were never married it's not the case...don't let him tell you it is. Hope this helps ↑ |
| Name: kwadwo antwi | Date: Jan 14th, 2008 1:32 AM |
| how are you§ by the grace of god i know you doing fine. hone the reason is that, i want to chat with you so that we can descares something about searious marriege partnership so get my email [email protected], [email protected], [email protected] i mis you in hart thankyou ↑ |
| Name: caucajun32 | Date: Feb 5th, 2008 8:37 PM |
Regardless of child support or him being not the best father up till this point, he should never give up parental rights,you can ask, but you probably will have a shouting match start, unl;ess he is willing too do it.
Ya'll are probably both still young and he can't foresee what giving up parental rights can effect his and your daughter's future.
Your ex may very well become the father you would like him to be, yet maybe not anywhere near the time table you would like.
I am dissabled yet can't get SSI Dissability, I work for cash for my daughters future step father. He dosen't pay me enough to pay my daughter mother child support, yet when he tells me he can't pay me for the second week in a row, I know it will be helping their household where my daughter lives.
If my daughters mother would ask me to give up all parental rights, I would react in a very poor manner. ↑ |
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