My husband and I have been married for 7 years. He has 3 children , 20, 12 and 7 from a previous marriage and I have 1 ,age 15. I have raised the children as my own, the 7 year old since birth. My husband had slept with his ex wife while we were dating and had split up for a brief time in which case she became pregnant. To make a long story short, he already had custody of the other 2 children due to severe abuse so we gained custody of the baby shortly after she was born. The 7 year old knows no one but I as her mother and the 12 year old does not remember her biological mother and father ever living together nor her ever being around but also thinks I've been the one that has always taken care of her. This has been the only thing that keeps me from divorce. The kids and my love for them. My 15 year old is autistic, adhd and bipolar and my husband has never dealt with it. We are constantly arguing because any time I try to talk to him about a problem I'v had with the kids during the day and what measures he thinks we should take, he becomes very angry if its the girls that have misbehaved he instantly starts yelling and bringing our autistic 15 yr up ranting about the way he is and avoids anything to do with the disciplining the girls. He wants nothing to do with our son unless his friends are around and he's drunk and wants to act like he cares. Other than that he does not allow him to speak to him unless I give him that look of " are you kidding me?" If he laughs too loud or makes sounds that are too loud he becomes angry and yells at him guiding him to his room where he has to stay. When he is able to come out he is sent back as soon as he thinks he's been too loud once again or has said something he thinks is inappropriate. He becomes very angry just at the sound of his voice and instantly wants something done about it. He says he's sick of hearing about the kids and the animals and anything else I think I need to talk about everyday. He says I need to put our 15yr old in an institution, because he can't follow simple directions and do things with out having someone guiding him through it. He also says that if I take privledges away from our daughter or daughters then he needs his taken away too even though he had nothing to do with it, his reason is that its simply not fair. Although he doesn't think the same should be true for our girls when our son loses privledges. He should watch them having fun and learn a lesson. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm tired of waiting for him to love my son as I love all the children. He expects a clean house yet I can walk from a cleaning a room and he will walk behind me and make a mess and leave it. Spilled food and drinks and say he forgot to clean it up if I say something about it. If not he'll just watch me clean it up without a word. I get his clothes for him, make his lunch and coffee for work, do all the house work , repairs and appointments,shopping, lawn care and homeschool and care for the children. He does nothing for me or the kids. In his opinion he does enough he works. He drinks every night, usually til drunk but not sloppy. Usually a case a night. He spends all of his time after work either hanging with his friends drinking or sitting on the porch drinking talking to his friends on the phone til the kids are in bed and then comes in an eats and goes to bed. If he decides he wants to have sex he bellers remarks from the bedroom about how he wished his wife would go to bed the same time he does. I'm not interested. How can anyone be put in the mood by someone who's only interest in you is if you've got his laundry done his clothes, coffee and lunch and no conversation unless he has no one else to talk to and needs you to listen. You must instantly always be in the mood and ready with no type of or sign of affection before hand. I feel used, cheap and paid.
I love my kids, all my kids and fear that I will not see my girls if we divorce since they are not biologicaly mine but his. But I find it harder and harder to stick it out til the kids are grown. I feel like I'm to abusing our 15 yr old by staying since its obvious he does not nor ever has cared for him and stays so angry with him. Sometimes I worry that our son might turn to suicide from depression, although doctors say that I will probably never have to worry about that with him in his state. I just want to be happy. I was in nursing until I had to quit my job to stay home and care for our son and worry about what I'll do. I've looked for home type work but have found none. I dont want to be without my girls. I'm feeling weak HELP! ↓
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| Name: Kindred_Soul | Date: Mar 3rd, 2008 3:17 AM |
| Hi, I read your story and empathise you. I am going through a divorce myself. I would like to tell you that the signs of an abusive relationship are all the same, and the signs of an abusive man are also the same. Your husband, excuse me for saying sounds like a very selfish person and not somebody of a strong character. Dont be scared. Go with your gut and heart, do the right thing. Thats what will count in the long run. Being alone can be scary, but it also builds strength and character and eventually you will realize that you made the better decision. Dont be afraid of losing your girls. If they are attached to you, they will find a way to connect with you as they grow older. You can even fight for visitation rights for them. You can argue your case in court. Dont take abuse in life, because you have no other way out. Its the worst way of being a victim. ↑ |
| Name: girli_bird | Date: Mar 4th, 2008 4:18 AM |
| I really feel for you. Many aspects of your story are like mine. My husband and I have been married for five years. He has 3 children from a previuos marriage and I have one. My husband is verbally abusive too. You have a child that is autistic. Rasing a child that autistic is difficult enough in the best conditions, then you add the bipollar and adhd, and a husband who is not only unsupportive but abusive to this child there is a big problem there.This is going to effect him, the girls, and you. I wont tell you to take him and leave becuase I so understand how you can love the children that aren't bio yours as if they were. But I will tell you that none of you can cont. to live like that. Do you have coustody of the girls too. If you do then talk to a lawyer and see what that chances are that you could continue with coustody, or even if you don't, if the mother is no longer in the picture, what about addopting the girls then yu would have legal right to them. However, adopting them could be bad also if by some chance you would have to pay him chid support. ↑ |
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