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my parents are going through a divorce and my mom kina likes her boss. i like him but when my mom told me that after my parents divorce was over they would get together(my mom and her boss). i want to accept him as a part od the family but i dont know why i cant. i think i was depressed when i found out they wanted a divorce but then i got over it. i heard somthing on my moms boss b-day(because we slept over) and i was tramatized. i felt sick and have ever scince. now i always think that she is alaways with him when ever my bros and i go to my dads or when she leaves. what should i do? ↓
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| Name: mini mouse | Date: Jan 6th, 2007 2:55 AM |
| dragraught...Hey i replied on another topic ...I am sorry you are so sad and confused ...can you talk to your mom about how you are feeling at all? If not who are you talking to ...are you able to be frank with anyone? Your feelings are natural you aren't used of things being so different in your world. This could take some time and a lot of trust that your folks love you and will try to protect you as much as they can. Hang in there. Your mom does love you and her world is changing too...Will talk any time. Mini Mouse you can vent with me... I will try to help Mini Mouse...you are not alone in your feelings. ↑ |
| Name: baby69 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 5:30 AM |
| she has a right to be with anyone she chooses, hun. I can understand that you feel bad about the divorce, but is she happy? Does she do stuff with you and your bros? It doesn't matter if she and her boss are an item, what matters is that the guy is accepting you and not making your mom choose either him or you. How does your bros feel about the situation? Your mom is an adult and she can e with who ever she feels. What you need to do is sit down with her and let her know your feelings. Your mom does love you very much and probably wants a good life for you andyour bros. Hang in there, believe it or not it gets better as time passes. Let me know if her boss is good to you and your bros. I need to have more info to go on about your feelings and how they both are with you and your bros. Good luck, you will make it through this, it takes alot of time and hard work for everyone in a divorced family. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 8:29 PM |
| Dragraught.... You sound more like the man she is divorcing rather than her son. The thing you should be concerned with, is her new man good to you and your brothers. Does he make your mom happy? The part of him being her boss should not be a concern why would you let it be? I would think of the person rather than what he was to her before they got together. I think accepting him as part of the family will take time but if he is willing to spend time with you and your siblings he should be given a chance. Getting to what you heard on his b-day i'm guessing it was a sexual thing, that as you state tramatized you, what the hec is it that makes you feel so sick. Once again is she leaving you for this other guy? This is a feeling that the ex gets not the kid....why would it make you sick? I don't understand, they are adults and can have sex when they want With who they want to there is no law that says they can't. You should have turned on a radio or tv so you did not have to hear them. Listing to it is an invasion of their privacy and kinda sick, Hopefully they try to keep it down when you kids are arround. As far as her always being with him when your at your dads or she's gone, Duh!!!! why can't she be, again are you the ex or the kid. She can be with him as much as she wants why on earth would you think she should not be with him. They are most likley a couple now and once your parents divorce is over they will most likely move forward in their relationship. My advice to you in short here is if he is good to you, try and accept him and her together and for gods sake stay out of their sex life your still to young apparently to understand that yet. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 10:06 PM |
| well help 4 u u dont understand. its harder than u think. its not hearing it. its the fact of knowing that they are when this new guy all of a sudden comes in to me and my bros life. u just dont undersatnd i wish i could talk to one on one. ↑ |
| Name: billy22 | Date: Jan 8th, 2007 11:32 PM |
| I understand what you're saying COMPLETLY!!!!!! There is a time and a place and sounds like maybe you just need to talk to your Mom about what you've heard and how it makes you feel. I am sure she will understand and try to be more discreet about things. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 2:16 AM |
dragraught.....coolname by the way! sorry to get you upset, but you say, i dont understand yet, you dont know me hmmm... well i think i did say to you in my reply at least once that i didnt understand.....let me try to explain.....lets just say that your mom has found someone, just one guy to spend her life with,This a far cry from what happend to me when i was your age.... you see it wasn't one guy for my mom she had several in the first year aaaaaaaaahhhh ! they used to be comin home from the bar really late and i,d here them doing it in kitchen or livingroom makin so much noise they would wake me upme and my bro's and we could not go out to the bathroom because we didn't want her to know we were awake... this really sucked i was very pissed each morning when the guy was gone by the time we woke up...maybe it was better also cause then we never had to meet them and let them try to get you to like them.....!....so maybe friend try to think that your big delema about your mom having sex with (a) meaning one guy that you even said you wanted to accept as part of your family.... might just be that at your age sex seems gross peroid!!!!! because you dont completely know the feeling of an adult sexual relationship when I got older i relized that people do fall in love with each other and as adults they can have sex and show each other affection. Hey your kinda making a way big deal out of normal life....I would think that they would show some tact in the noise if at all possible though. And were do you get off thinking bad about her with him while your at your dads..... try wondering who she was with or how many while you were at dads, this is the road i traveled many weekends by sunday i was a wreck then i would look for clues around the house for signs of what went on while we were away.... well you see my point we all living in divorced familys have things were not used to happen.
All i can say is lots of people have not so good things happen to them in their life .......stressing on something to the point of feeling sick could mean you are way too into the thought..good luck with what you decide....but remember you are the kid and she is your mother, she could be way worse like mine, so love and support the one you have.....OHH and yes DIVORCE does suck even for the ones getting it. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 10:11 PM |
| ok help 5 u i do kinda understand but its still happens i dont know what to do. i made an appointmaent at my schools clinic center to talk to somne about it. was that a good idea? its not for a week but i will try it. i wish i could talk to u one on one so i could explain better. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 9th, 2007 11:27 PM |
| dragraught, yes talking to people is a very good thing...some may have different views on things than you do but talking or venting about things is how we seem to understand, or at least we get it off our chest. The important thing is that we have to be open enough to talk about these things, so dont hold them inside get them out where they belong.......hey dragraught, I have seen in all of your reply's and posts on this forum that you refer to your moms boyfriend as her boss why? even if he is why do you say it like this is a bad thing? I would really like to know what you truly think of him and why. How does he treat you and your bros do they like him and accept him with your mom. does he have kids is he married or has he been? what can you tell me about him? How does he treat your mom and does she seem happy when they are together? Give me more info here and we will continue to work out these issues. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 17th, 2007 1:36 AM |
ok thx umm he is nice and I like him. its just deep down inside i have am feeling that its not right. I dont know why. he has 2 girls one lives with her mom in iowa and the other lives with him. i just got back from a fishing trip with him his daughter and my family. I tink i am accepting there is going to be change but its VERY hard 4 me. i would like to vent to you. i feel like i can talk to you easily. my bros accept him because he always lets them do anything they want. and his daughter is as she says a "maggot". goth like. and i think she doesnt like me as much as my oldest bro. there is a PS2 in her room and i go in to play and i feel out of place. he has been married once and has had 1 other girl freind and som others he liked but he says he likes my mom the best of anyone he liked. my bros where starting to act up this weekend and he said" i made up my mind" and started packing. then my mom said "this wont work srry for wating your time" to him. he started crying and he never cries. he said she was the best he had ever been with or talked to.
Dragraught ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 17th, 2007 2:41 AM |
Hey, I wonderd if you were coming back.... How did the talking at school go? This guy really seems ok if he is willing to take you kids along with him on an event most guys only go with their buddies. Being willing to have allow you kids to share in something he alone, or he and your mom, can do without you shows he want you kids to enjoy the experience as a group. Man I would think that is a good thing. Sounds like he really likes your mom that is good for her and you kids. It is not any fun when your Mom, is out always seaching for mister right....night after night and bringing home who knows who.
Now we need to get out this feeling that you have that its not right, the deep down inside feeling that you say you feel. What is it that you feel is not right, describe what your meaning that you feel it isn't right. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 17th, 2007 2:45 AM |
| OK, Dragraught lets do some venting as you say you would like to do.. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 3:15 AM |
well ok the feeling that i feel is like when u make a decision and u have a feeling deep down that its not the right one and that u should have choosen the other one. i dont know why i feel that way but i do. i forgot my appointment and i dont have another one untill feb 27. i missed my first one. i dont have anyone ealse to talk to but u. i think i am starting to accept that there is going to be change no matter what. i think that is my problem. i dont like making major decisions and i hate major change. i am POed because i had confrences tonight and my dad promised he would be there to take me after me and my mom finished going to all my teachers. he never picked me up. i am waiting for the next time my dad calls me so my brother can answer it and say i dont know if i can talk im not feeling well. thats what he told my brother. but back to the main idea.. i feel kind of sick when ever i think of what i heard. i just start feeling soo sick i cant eat. i dont want to feel this way. i have evn thought about going into the doctors office and talk to somone there. or go to a proffesional. sorry im typing soo much i just have alot to say and i dont have anyone to talk to. I wish i could talk to my mom or my dad but im afraind my mom will get mad or my dad will useit all against her in court. i just dont know what to do. im under soo much stress. i have to whatch my brothers somtimes and ussually for longer than an hour wnd being alone with them for 10 minutes is h$#@. i am starting to fall behind in school and just under soooo much stress my hair is falling out in little clumps. my grows over night though but still. i dont think its healthy. i dont know what to do
Dragraught. ↑ |
| Name: help4u | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 5:23 AM |
HIYA, Dragraught, Well my friend never appologize for typing to much thats what this is all about.... wow your doing good job of venting though!!
Lets see were do i wanna start.....hmmmm first let me say thanks, I'm glad you feel you can chat here with me.
we are all here to try and help each other cope with stuff in our lives.Sorry you missed your appointment, I feel that it will be a very good place to open up and talk things out with someone which could really help you. I'm no Doctor just lived a really sh#$y life when I was young.
While browsing thru here i seen your post and thought hey this kid could use a freind that knows about some of the stuff your going thru and thought i would try to help.
Anyway im glad to here your starting to exept the changes going on in your life thats a big step and a hard one too... beleive me none of us are really comfortable with change or big decisions when we are young,.... and i'm not quite sure i can tell ya that those things will be much better when your older. But I do know from very thing we do we learn and were never to old to learn.
Sorry about your dad does he do this sort of thing often?
From what you have said about your dad in a reply to anouther post and here... bringing up your mom and this new guy to him and what you are trying to deal with can't be good for you or your dad. Besides he could say its wrong for her to do anything with anouther man least my dad always did, then throw in the old while were still married crap, even though it had been over a year since they were together. But it was ok when he ran off with his girlfreinds and did god knows what while we were at moms. Course we never found this out till we were older and he talked about it to his freinds.
oh well lets see here back to your delema. I would like to know why talking about this to your mom would make her angry.... have you tried? If so what about this new guy can you talk to him? man i do know one thing for sure you really are worrying about this stuff way to much if your stressing over these things this hard, your young dude, school and grades, chicks, freinds, PS2 games are what you should be stressing not whats right or wrong with your mom or dad.!!!! As far as what to do i have to say i think your talking about it and getting these feeling out thats good but you need to keep it going. AS far as the sex thing goes dude adults do this, and always will, yes to you its sick and gross but come on man even they call it doing the nasty lol...sorry kinda a joke from me to you. Point is you as a kid can't let what they do get to ya like that. When you get older this will seem so, like why did i even care duh! And by the way if you think you can type alot look at this one wow. Hope to here from ya soon! ↑ |
| Name: ally murphy | Date: Jan 19th, 2007 9:47 AM |
Help4u i think youare being rather harsh.
When my mum and dad split up when i was 7 it was so hard.
My dad had a affair and when my mum meet someone else it was hard coz i didnt want my mum taken away by a "stranger" thats what he was in my eyes.
You must try to understand how dragraught feels i know i do.
When i heard them at it one night i felt the same sick i din't want to kiss or cuddle my mum.
I spoke to a family friend about it and she said if you hear them again walk out of your room so they know you are awake.
Well it was hard to do but once they heard me they stopped and where quiter from then on.
I feel for you so much dragraught i understand your situration.
You are feeling really bad coz your parents have split up and you dont know who to turn to.
You mum has a new man and you feel she wont listen to you.
Well try and talk to her like a adult she will respect you for coming to her and saying how you feel. Dont get mad or upset just be yourself she will feel awrful knowing that you heard her so tell her.
Im here if you need me i have been through the same thing.
How lod are you anyway?
Ally ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Jan 20th, 2007 3:32 AM |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 27th, 2007 3:32 PM |
| ok i understand a little bit more now. i think i am starting to deal with it. i really dont care much but i still do have a feeling deep inside that its not right. the reason ahy i dont like to talk to my mom is that i try to tell her what i feel and then she yells "deal with it"!!!. and i want to talk to her but she gets angey at me and starts yelling ar me. i cant talk to my dad because he can use it against my mom in court and we could have to go with him and i dont want to live with him. ally murphy. she only does it at his house and me and my bros sleep in the living room floor. i let them know i am awake by going into the bathroom alot but they dont care. i could be up half the night then try to talk to my mom and she starts yelling at me. i just dont know why she gets mad at me. i try to talk to her. i dont think she really care about me because none of my other brothers are the way i am. i think it also might have been my dad. he always told me its not right and they shouldnt be doing it. i just dont know. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Jan 27th, 2007 3:34 PM |
| thats exataly how i feel ally. i am 14 ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Jan 28th, 2007 4:03 PM |
| Hi dragraught....I know exactly how your feeling. However, I've been on both sides of the track regarding divorce. I'm sorry you don't have good communication with your mom. That does make things more difficult on you. I will tell ya, your mom is probably under alot of pressure going through the divorce, her job, the so-called new man in her life, taking care of you, etc.... And yes, I'm sure everything that you have been experiencing doesn't feel right to you. It probably never will. You sound just like my son. He doesn't like change...never did! I've tried communicating with him on an honest level but now, he just doesn't care to listen. Compliments of his father complaining about how is life is ruined. I've spoken to a counselor about his behavior and was told that it's just the age. I did try to be conscious of my children's feelings when I met someone new. I tried to make sure everyone was happy and content with my decisions. Perhaps I moved too fast into another relationship but for so long, I've never had anyone on my side, including my immediate family, so I guess, I was striving for the attention I lacked.....good wholesome love. Even though I wasn't searching for a relationship it just happened. I truly found someone to love me for who I was without any change. I can honestly say after all these years, I've finally found it. Now, I want my children to share the same love this man has offered me. He has made me a better person...inside. I've become someone, I never knew existed. Oh, sure, as a family, we have our ups and downs but for the most part, everything seems well. Except for my son. Perhaps he felt he could move up to the position of wanting to take care of me. However, I didn't want him to feel like he needed to do that. All I wanted him to do was to be a kid and enjoy what his life has to offer with the help of my new spouse. I'm sure he will always feel resentment of my 2nd husband. For that, I feel guilty. As much as I couldn't get along with his father, I'm still ridiculed that I ruined his father for leaving him. There where many issues between us that just was beyond the point of working out. Mostly lack of respect. If you can't directly talk with your mom about how you feel, try writing her a letter and leaving it somewhere for her to read. Leave it on the kitchen counter before you go off to school. Write down everything you are feeling. Tell your mom that you don't appreciate having to sleep on the living room floor while at her b/f's house. Expain everything to her. She's probably more focused on how she's going to juggle everything that's going on with her life and is losing sight of how it affects you. I'm sure you want your mom to be happy. However, don't let these changes get the best of you. Continue to focus on your own life and the things you will be able to do in the future. Use what is happening to your best interest. As you get much older, you will see all of this in better perspective. I'm not saying you have to whole heartedly accept things with the b/f and his daughters but try to make the best of things when you are there. Focus on your school work so that you can succeed in your goals. It's hard to accept all these changes but in due time, these things will pass. It's what you have inside of you that will help you to rise above the difficulties your experiencing. Sure, you feel things just aren't right but talking about how you feel does help. Keep in mind, what's happening in your life is not your fault. Don't ever think that. The issue is between your parents which does include you. Perhaps deep down you wish your parents would get back together but sometimes it's not feasable. They may become better people without irritating each other. That's what I felt with my ex. I didn't like the person I was when I was married to him. My children have noticed a difference which has been for the better. It's all going to take some time. So, if all you can do is talk your feelings out with someone, who will listen...it will help you. I do hope you will feel much better with all these happenings. Time is on your side while your trying to be patient. I do hope you will be able to have a good discussion with your mom soon. You take care and please, vent anytime you need too. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Feb 1st, 2007 10:23 PM |
| thx for your help. its just really hard. everybody says judst do that but i tried and my grade went way down. i just cant keep up. ↑ |
| Name: dragraught | Date: Feb 4th, 2007 8:23 PM |
| well if you want to tell me more go onto i dont iknow what to do2. its my other page this on is kinda full!! ↑ |
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