Ok finally I'm done w/ housework....gosh if I could keep my butt off the computer I'd prob. get ti done faster but anyhow.....
So heres my delima of the day, as you all know my oldest child will be 9 next month, I don't remember that being such a tough age for little girls but apparently it is these days. I was eavsdropping (sp) on the kids convo the other day....shame on me but in my defense I was sitting right there in hearing range so I listened....anyhow I ALWAYS make a point to talk to my kids and get the low down at school and whos friends w/ who this week ect ect ya know.....well I thought I knew most all the important stuff bar minor details. Anyhow I overheard that my daughter who will be 9 next mnonth has a boyfriend......wayyyyy to young. My first instinct was to ignore it because I thought if I said anything or forbid it, she'd want to have one more ya know......but I did randomly ask about it and she denied it at first but then the other kids kinda made her fesss up by outting her to me when she tried to lie. I talked w/ my husband about it and he said he overheard the same the other day when we were shopping but he had forgot to say something to me.....he said it's just kid recess stuff...ignore, it's not like they will be hanging out over here or going places together. Ok so we did and now that her secret is out she talks about him openly all the time more than what we're comfy with so last night my husband heard enough and was kinda hard on her, he asked her what a boyfriend was....of course she has no idea....so he says your to young to have a boyfriend and if you dont know what it is how do you have one? Well it wasn't so much what he said he was a little to stern imo with her....she stormed off to her room and I like their bathtub upstairs instead of mine which happens to be by the girls room and I was in it at the time she stromed off so I asked what she was doing, and she said nothing I said yes you are whats going on....I was gentle w./ her because I knew she was upset anyhow she said I'm looking in my dictionary.......I knew what she was doing but I played stupid.......what are you looking for I aksed her, nothing (of course) is what she said.....I said yes you are and I called her into the bathroom so I could talk w/ her she admitted that she was looking up boyfriend and started crying she said dad says I cant have a boyfriend untill I know what one is........I asked her why she wanted a boyfriend lol these are her exact word because......well why do you like ..........(dont wanna mention the childs name) she says because hes nice to me and hes all that lmfao......ok! Well I said yeah he does seem real nice why cant you just be friends with him.......she didn't wanna open up to me at first I had to say you can tell me im your mom and you can tell me anything and plus we're both girls and the flood gaes opened and I was enlightened!!!!!! The class shes in has divided right down the middle between the girls.....2 groups of friends if that makes sense......the other group is not so nice to my daughter and the 2 other girls she hangts out with, the ring leader has told them I'm the hottest one, and the most popular and I can get all the boys to like me!!!!! These girls are in 3rd grade!!!!! Anyhow my daughter says this girl has the hot clothes and is pretty and steals all their boyfriends, and has now stolen one of the girls from the group........I first asked what hot clothes were....sry I didn't know they made hot clothes in girls size 7 8 and 10..........my daughter says she wears short shorts and tight shirts and has cool headbands and wears lip gloss.......well if you want i told her we'd go buy some headbands she liked but i didn't think she needed to buy stuff just because other ppl have it ya knwo.......but i said ima have to pass on the lip gloss and short shorts, you have beautiful clothes and your a beautiful girl I told her.......and you guys seriously not because Im biased at all morgan my daughter is a doll......she shouldn't be feeling like shes the ugly one ya know....although I dont want her to have the same attitude as this other little girl.......I hope its not a self esteem isssue, anyhow I asked her why they have to be in groups anyway why cant they all play together and apparently these girls are sworn enemies, and morgan will not go over and try to play w/ them which im not sure if thats better anyhow or if they should try to be friends......my point is i dont want morgan to gain this girls attitude by hanging out w/ her.....wow this is getting long, lol so imo from the convo is that the whole boyfriend thing has come about so she can be cool like the girls in the other group and she only has one because they do to.....and she swears she likes this boy blah blah blah........but we were firm on the no boyfriend issue that he had to be just her friend for now....i cant control what they do at school, ...........i guess this is all normal catty girl stuff but i was so not prepared
ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!! ↓
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| Name: NIKKIS | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 5:55 PM |
oh girl i do not have any advice whatsoever! my nephew is 11 and still thinks girls are icky! my sister is very lucky!
i do want to say i think you are doing the right thing by staying firm on the no boyfriend issue as well as no lip gloss or short shorts. i think parents these days tend to not be involved enough in their childrens life and that includes what they wear and who their friends are. this stuck up little 9 yr old girl would definitely not be a good friend and i would tell your daughter while she should never hate anyone a person like that who trys to controll her friends is not a good friend to have anyway. i know its hard i always wanted to be one of the "cool" kids and never was until i was a senior in high school, but that is just because it wasn't until then that i was happy with who i was. so all you can do is make sure your daughter is comfortable in her own skin and that she is confident. the rest is out of our hands.
hope that helps... :) god i am sooo dreading these days! ↑ |
| Name: mother2five | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 6:37 PM |
She whinned a bit about not being the most popular and I had to finally just say .....do you know what happens to popular girls when they get older but she only almost 9 so i couldn't give details I just said not so nice things.......
She also asked me again later that night what a boyfriend was and I told her we'd talk about that in a few years that right now she had to concentrate on who morgan is and enjoy being a little girl ↑ |
| Name: mother2five | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 6:42 PM |
| Thanks Nikkis.....I hope I just instill the right values and attitude in her, I want her to be her and have doing so ya know.......not a prissy little plastic bitch ya know ↑ |
| Name: Opheiliamath | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 8:06 PM |
I think you handled the situation very well according to they way it seems you and your husband want to raise Morgan. Kudos to you.
In my opinion though, i'm not sure if you told her or not, or maybe I skipped over it in your post. But tell her straight out, you cannot have a boyfriend at 9. You are too young, and like your husband mentioned, she doesn't even know what a boyfriend is.
This is a perfect oppurtunity to work on self esteem, and having her understand its ok to be diffrent. Also talk/teach about how not everyone is going to like you but its ok, because at the end of the day they are WAY more people who love you just the way she is. ↑ |
| Name: Opheiliamath | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 8:07 PM |
| And you are right, this might be normal catty girl stuff...but I suggest you nip it in the but now. Because the cattyness gest worse as they get older. ↑ |
| Name: zoey9810 | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 11:04 PM |
| LOL i think its soo funny that she went to get the dictionary LOL.. but i think you are right how you handled it,, No short shorts, Lip gloss or Boyfriends till a few years from now!!! ↑ |
| Name: DRB | Date: Apr 17th, 2008 11:37 PM |
honestly she is wayyyy too young....and i am trying to think what i would have liked to hear from my parents had i had a boyfriend at 9..and well.....i dont know..i didnt have a boyfriend until i was 14...but i remember those little cliques from elementary all the way up to highschool (and sadly even now that i am a somewhat adult...the marine corps is FULL Of them...sad huh?)
i thik you handled it very well. I think you should indeed use it to help her build her self esteem..i wish i had known when i was younger how attractive i was...i thought i was ugly..and i am HOT..LMAO..well not currently but i was..and will be again.. ↑ |
| Name: KarenM | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 12:53 AM |
Good lord M25 I so have no advice for this one...I've never had to even consider this kind of thing. I do however agree with the goyles and think you handled it marvy!
[note to self: if I have a girl, add this page to faves for future reference!] ↑ |
| Name: smashlee | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 2:36 AM |
hi m25,
i have cousins much younger than me they are 11 adn 14...(almost 15 god forbid), wel they are both girls and talk to me every now and then.. not only that but i snoop on their bebo pages ( lol dont mock me) just because i am very protective of them and i feel that my aunt and unlcle are very naive to watt hey can and are geting up to.. they are truly gud girls.. but this is how it is in schools today! even here in NZ... its just this is young girls and its geting younger.. i mean your daughter is 9!
but they do mention these things to me aswel.. and my god wen you read my 14year old cousins bebo page.. its (excuse the language) f*ck this and sh*t that.. its like.. omg you youg girls are talking like half of your vocab is swear words! it truely is disgusting...and they al talk about boys too!
and the younger one.. wel she jsut folows suit.. not always though she just tryies to fit in with her older sister and friends.. and thats my point.. tis the fitting in! i think you and your hubby are doing the best thing.. talking to her about the fact that she does not hav to be the same and shes great for who she is!! ↑ |
| Name: mother2five | Date: Apr 18th, 2008 8:06 PM |
| aksed her agin yesterday when she got home from school how did it go trying to play w/ all the girls together and she said she didn't even try....... and on top of it the so called boyfriend wont even talk to her now, he runs off if she trys to talk to him and plugs his ears.....SUCH A MAN!!!!!! LOL Anyhow in a way Im sorry this happened to her because it really has hurt her feelings but imo its better she was getting to obsessed w/ him. So good redence (sp) bf!!!!!!! But when I truied to tell her maybe that was the best thing she threw her papers down on the floor and said NICE MOM and stormed off to her room.......please dont tell me shes getting ready or near to start her cycle......ohhhhh i cant do anything right for her these days we either make her mad or make her cry??????????? And we always even w/ out trying end up being assholes in her eyes........ ↑ |
| Name: NIKKIS | Date: Apr 19th, 2008 4:47 PM |
dude jen now that you mention it, it really does sound like she may be starting her cycle soon. girls now can start as young as 7 i think.
good luck with that ↑ |
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