well here is the thing i know you all are sick of me asking stupid questions about me and my hubby but i need some advice again. I have been married for 2 1/2 years and found out we were pregnant at the beginning of this year. Things in the beginning were great with me and the hubby then, we get into a fight and he tells me that he thinks we got married to young and he never got to expirence the adult single life. I was like oh ok well let me just put a hold on being pregnant! Then after the fight we decided to make a clean slate and not bring up things in the past like him cheating on me before. So we have been good since then but i went to get on the computer and looked in the history and he was on Myspace. The thing about it we both have a page on there. I have nothing but friends and family from back home on my friends list andthats all that i talk to. My hubby has nothing but local girls and a couple of his guy friends. he says that he is hardly on there but its become a daily thing.
My thing is that he lied saying that he hardly goes on there and in the history shows that he is emailing someone but i do not know who it is. but i dont want to start a fight if its nothing. But it is eating me up inside i want to know who he is talking to. something doesn't seem right but things have been going so good i don't want to screw it up can anyone give me advice on what i should do? ↓
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| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:34 PM |
| bump please someone have anything? ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:36 PM |
Christen,
I feel so bad for you! The sad part is your story sounds like so many that I've heard before. How old were you when you got married? I'm 22 and have been w/ my fiance for nearly 5 years. So you could say we were way young when we got together, but we both were extrememly wild beforehand, so it was natural for us to settle down at a young age. Now first off, I can't say "once a cheater always a cheater" b/c I was the one who was unfaithful to my faince, so I can give a different point of view than some other women. I too felt that we got together too young, and that I had my whole life in front of me. I met a guy off the interent; it's so easy that way b/c how is your partner going to know. It would be obvious if you were going to a bar, but the internet offers an easy way for married people to meet. I had a 4 month relationship w/ this man before I slept w/ him. I broke my fiance's heart,. but he wanted to stay w/ me. ALbeit, I'm in therapy for this b/c I feel like such a piece of sh*t for what I did. I lied to him and said, "Oh we just talk sometimes, he's nobody". He was practically my 2nd bf. I would talk to him on my breaks at work and see him occasionally. If your husband is lying to you, it's b/c he doesn't want to stop whatever he's doing. Why else would he lie? I would be freaking out to, but chances are if you found all of this evidence, then something's not right, and from his prior behavior, he might be up to no good. If he won't tell you the truth, and you know for a fact that he's lying, then as hard as this sounds you might want to reevaluate your relationship. Do you really want to bring a child into this world when all you're doing is worrying about your husband ot fighting w/ him? Please don't let yourself be taken advantage of. ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:43 PM |
| i know its just so hard we were 19 when we got married and we are both about to be 22 i'm so scared i'm prepared to do it on my own now. BUT i don't want to. I love my hubby so much but like you said i can't be taken advantage of. But i just want to catch him because he tries to turn it around on me. and like i said he has some guy friends on myspace too so i can not prove who he is talking to. i have even thought of changing his password to see what he is up to and who he is talking to. He tells me that i'm the perfect wife and everything like that it makes me want to cry as i'm typing this. and he says that he loves me and everything but in our fight he said a lot of hurtful things like he wasnt happy with me not then and he never was, and that we got married to young and he doesnt enjoy coming home to me. But then he said it was because he was stressed out about everything and i didn't give him enough time to think about things. so do you think i need to just ask him who he is talking to? ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:51 PM |
| Yes, you do need to ask him first b/c after all he is your husband and you should give him the benefit of the doubt. We're all young and I know that I've said some very hurtful things to my fiance out of frustratio. Just to clarify, our roles are kinda reversed; he's the sweet caring one and I'm more of the mean guy:) Chances are though that there is some truth to what he has said. He probably does worry sometimes that y'all got married to young. I mean i know I have. Can you honestly say that you've never thought about it either? I'm sure that he does love you soo much and also thinks that you are a "perfect" wife, but that doesn't mean it's going to stop him. He might feel like he doesn't deserve you b/c of cheating on you previosuly; at least that's how I feel. There are so many "ifs" when you get together young. Who's to say where we're going to be in 20 years...it might be w/ our current partners and it might not. All I do know is that there's no reason for a pregnant woman to have to worry about her husband being unfaithful. You first just need to talk w/ him though and then we can worry about "what if". Remember, "innocent until proven guilty" Sometimes it's hard to follow that mantra especially when your hormones are raging. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:55 PM |
| Do you have AIM or msn? I hope that you're not upset...I know what it's like to worry. I think all pregnant women worry that their partners are cheating. Try to take a deep breath and relax...I feel so bad for you:( ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 8:56 PM |
| i know but that just makes me feel like crap thats why i come here for advice i love my hubby and would hope that he is being completely faithful but i don't know if thats the case or not and if it is then i will feel like the jackass for questioning him. but i don't know like you said there are to many "ifs" but i guess if i want to know bad enough that i just have to ask because if not then i will be miserable for the whole time that i don't say anything. He looks at porn a lot to but i don't have a problem with that because i haven't been in the mood for sex a lot and if thats what works for him then fine but the whole chatting to other women has got to stop or i'm kicking him out. ↑ |
| Name: mommyagain | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:01 PM |
| I agree with Kristy, but I will also ad this... no one should ever have to worry this much in a relationship. I was the same way, my exhusband had cheated on me so many times, we were very young also, But when I left him he wasnt even cheating. I never really got over all the hurt and mistrust. Now that I am divorced it is seriously a relief that I dont have to sit here and stress over emails and phone calls ect. I am not saying get a divorce but I am saying put your happiness first. I can promise you it will be better for the baby if mom is happy even if that means mom and dad are not together. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:02 PM |
| Don't every feel stupid for asking your husband a question. It would be one thing if there wasn't any "evidence", but there is. Also, he lost the right to care what you asked him when he cheated on you. Man, I can't deal w/ porn. The whole lusting after other women thing isn't something that I can handle. But yeah I would worry about the chatting more. By the way how far along are you? I'm 20 weeks and my sex drive is way low, but my fiance doesn't have access to my comp so I guess he'll have to use his imagination:) ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:06 PM |
| no i don't have aim or msn but i'm here now for the rest of the day. i am 27 weeks and i have a big baby because at 25 weeks she measured at 29 weeks we are having a little girl. When he looks at me i know that he loves me but i can't stand that he always has something he feels he has to hide. and when i comes out that i was snooping he tells me its none of my buisness, but it is it is my buisness because i'm married to him. i just don't understand men and my sex drive is way low and he says that pregnant women should want sex mroe which isn't the case with me! ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:18 PM |
| VArations in sex drive are different for every woman. Some women want it all the time,and others barely at all. Sex kinda hurts for me; it's just too much pressure, so we don't do it as much as before. I actually feel guilty about it, like sex is something he deserves; give me a break:) Hell yes it's your business. There's a woman on here who summed it up very well. If you're doing something that you don't want your partner to see, then chances are you're up to no good. It's no fair b/c do you keep anything from him? It sounds like a 90/10 relationship to me. Eventually I think most women get to the point where they're just sick of giving everything and receiving so little in return. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he does love you, but love can only take you so far in a relationship. You also need trust and honesty. I'm having a little girl too and the last thing I would want to teach her is that it's ok to let a man walk all over you. Not saying that you are, but my mom stayed in a bad marriage for 13 years, and finally it all fell apart and when it did it was horrible. I don't get men either, but then again sometimes I don't even understand myself. All I do know is that I'n bringin =g new life into this world and that's bigger than my fiance or I. If the fact that your husband is going to responsible for a new life, doesn't make him appreciate what he's got and change his ways, then do you honestly think anything will? ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:30 PM |
| no if that doesn't nothing will and thats why i keep telling myself to stay sane until after the baby is born and if things don't improve once he sees our precious little girl then i'm kicking him to the curb and i know that having a baby is the best thing that i could give him, and with that once i give birth i will feel like i can do anything by myself. ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:54 PM |
| i guess i will find out tonight as to what is going on in his pee brain. i just don't understand it it must be the fact that he is thinking with the wrong head. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:58 PM |
| LOL, that's what they think with. And honeslty it doesn't improve with age. I've said it before the only thing that distinguishes a gentleman from an a**hole is his ability to control his urges. Just be strong christen. The last thing you want him to think is that he's in control of the sitiuation. When he tells you that "It's none of your business, and don't worry about it", you can tell him that your his wife and if this is how it's going to be then don't let the door hit you on the way out. Once a man sees that his woman is serious and not just whiny, he'll open up either that or run away for a couple hours. We really always do have the upper hand you know. ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 10:01 PM |
| lol i wish i felt that powerful when i went home lol. I mean i get great advice here and i feel so strong like yeah i'm going to do this but when i get home it starts off good then i just fall apart i dont' know whats wrong with me i know i'm stronger than this. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 11:21 PM |
| You love him that's what makes you weaker and you'd much rather just live happily ever after. I mean on your wedding day did you imagine this bs happening? He's the only that you love and the only one that can break your heart. You're going to be nervous and your heart's going to be in your stomach, but I promise in the long-run you'll feel so much better at least knowing the truth, whatever that may be. WOndering and questioning is so much worse than knowing the truth even when it seems like it has ruined your life. ↑ |
| Name: babey_g_311 | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 2:46 AM |
| I went through a situation like that with a boyfriend before my husband....I know how hard it is and how much it sucks to have that feeling, its the worst feeling in the world.....the best advice I could give you is to sit him down and talk about it.....if he denies it but the signs still point to it use your gut instinct on whether or not it would be a good situation to let your child be in......like if he were cheating on you it the strain would show on you and your child would feel the affects too....sometimes its better to be single and not worry, than to be married and miserable....best of luck I really hope it all works out.. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 2nd, 2006 9:05 PM |
christen,
I was just wondering if you got a chance to talk to him. Don't feel embarrassed to say if you didnt though; I totally understand. Sometimes it's just easier to avoid confrontation. Are you feeling any better? I hope that you are...if you get a chnace let us know how you're doing. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 12:01 AM |
| HE"S CHATTING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN............HELLO!!!!????That's probably what's got him in the good mood! Ask him if you can sit in on a friendly session of him and his good girly friend. If he says no then you know somethings up. If he says yes make sure he tells her all about you and the baby! If it's really nothing,he will have no problem telling her while you're sitting there! ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 7:45 PM |
| the thing is she knows about me and the baby on the whole myspace thing his profile says that he is married and a proud parent and i'm #1 on his friends list but some girls just don't respect themselves to respect others. But anyways i di dhave a chance to talk to him and i found out that it was my own insecurities that was driving me to think that way the girl that he was talking to(even though he has some questionable ones on his profile) was a friends girl friend and they were at there house together he showed me the conversation and it was about me and how excited and nervous he was about the baby. i felt like such a jerk. but then he looked at me and said that he loved me and wanted me to get over this because it was hurting our relationship to keep thinking about how things would have been if this happened in the past(comparing) so thank you for the advice and i'm still going to keep an eye out though. i just won't make it that big of a deal next time. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 8:24 PM |
Christen,
I'm really glad that it was something like that, and it's especially good that he had the convo to show you!! Don't feel bad about making a big deal about it, you're pregnant after all. We all freak out sometimes, and you had a right too; it seemed pretty suspicious. I'm sure that you feel way relieved now, but don't ever feel bad for "freaking out"...it's what we're here for:) ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 8:30 PM |
| thank you so much. He has been so much more attentive towards me which is all i wanted i mean i do everything else so thats the least he can do for me. I love him though he is like a drug for me and i don't know what i would do without him. =) ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 8:37 PM |
| I feel the same way about my fiance. I couldn't imagine my life w/out; he's my best friend in the whole world. I'm trying to make him not the center of my world if you know what I mean. Getting pregnant has made me so insecure. I'm so scared he's not going to be attracted to me anymore, so I'm just setting myself up for disappointment. That's no way to have a relationship. It's just that I used to have a "perfect" body, not that I'm fat now, but I am 5 months pregnant, and I'm so scared about how I'm going to look afterwards. I'm scared my boobs are going to hang to the ground after breastfeeding. DO you ever have insecurities like that? I'm just trying to not be so dependent on him, which in turn makes him pissed off b/c he thinks I don't want to be w/ him. Grrr relatiionships are so complicated especially when you're young. I'm really going to try to instill in my daughter that she doesn't need to be in a serious relationship when she's young. I wouldn't change a thing about my life with him; even the bad times, but sometimes I think it would be easier to be single college girl:) Do you know what I mean? ↑ |
| Name: christen | Date: Aug 3rd, 2006 8:51 PM |
| i think about not being attractive at all after the baby seeings how i was a bigger girl to begin with. but it just looks like i have gained weight in my stomach so hopefully i can tone it up then if i need to i'll get a tummy tuck lol. ↑ |
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