Last time I posted I was looking for any other women on bed rest to chat during the day with. That night I gave birth to our beautiful baby girl Mia Elizabeth. It's been just over a week now. I hate this pain so much. It's my 2nd loss. My first one was almost 14 yrs ago, I do have 3 children in between. I am happy I have those three children, please don't get me wrong, but I wanted this baby too! I feel for women who lose their babies and have none to hold, but no matter how anyone puts it, I can hug my other 3 as tight as I want to, I still put my hand on my tummy to "hold" Mia and she is not there anymore. My heart is breaking.
I think we may try for one more but I will have an abdominal cerclage this time around. We haven't made the decision yet. We are way too emotional right now. We are hoping to have her ashes back to us at the beginning of the week. I want her home with us. The night we lost her, we held her the entire night. She was so perfect and beautiful. I never wanted to give her back, I just wanted her to breathe. I am sorry if this is painful for some of you to read, I don't know where to go to cry and share my feelings. People think I am going crazy, but I"m not, I am just in so much pain. ↓
|
|
| Name: a.philo_3ks | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 8:32 PM |
| I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. I CAN IMAGINE WHAT YOU MUST BE GOING THROUGH. ↑ |
| Name: slenna | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 9:10 PM |
| Hello am so sorry for loss and rally i dont know what to say as i havent been through the loss of a full term baby, ive lost a baby at 9 weeks and i was torn to piece so only god konws how you feel i will pray for you ,your family and your loss and hope the pain will easy in time as i konw the pain will never compleately go. God bless and good luk in the future. I hope ive not said anything to upset you. ↑ |
| Name: jennifer early | Date: Oct 21st, 2006 11:50 PM |
| i cant imagine your pain. i had 3 miscarriages but they were very early on. i dont know what it would be like to be as far as you. stay strong. maybe trying again some day will bring you a little peace. good luck. ↑ |
| Name: jamcarant | Date: Oct 22nd, 2006 5:30 AM |
| I am so very sorry for your loss. The baby that I lost was 19 weeks along and I was in a coma so I didn't get to hold him., I really don't know how you're feeling, but my heart goes out to you. ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 22nd, 2006 6:00 AM |
This is sad!!! I cannot even imagine what it feels like! My litle sis went threw this.
My heart goes for you and for every mom who lost a child!!!
VM2B ↑ |
| Name: oopsybaby | Date: Oct 22nd, 2006 2:09 PM |
| I'm sorry I should have clarified myself. My baby was 18 weeks, but perfectly formed. We had a level 2 ultrasound the day before which showed her perfect little heart beating, showed her drinking, and playing with her knees. She even sucked her thumb. Anyone who has ever lost a baby whether it's 3 weeks or 9 months feels this same pain. We are told we'll be mommies, or be mommies again only to have that taken away from us. We all grieve in our own ways, some people don't feel it proper for a mom to grieve when the pregnancy was a miscarriage and the mom didn't even know what she was carrying, or that we gave birth to a baby that was only 1/2 a pound, some people feel that the grief will pass quicker in these instances but it's incorrect. I grieve heavily for my PERFECT 18 week old little girl. She had 10 fingers and toes, ears, eyebrows, a beautiful pouty mouth, her bum was so tiny, but it was there, everything was there. Just so small. I miss her so much and woke up once again to say hello to my belly just to realize my bump is gone and my heart breaks again. I am sorry for those of you who have lost your little ones and never got to hold them or love them or memorize every feature about them. I am thankful that I did have that. Thank you for all of your kindness. ↑ |
| Name: firewife | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 12:18 AM |
| I have shared your pain and I want you to know that my heart is aching for you, may God give you peace in your time of mourning, I am so sorry for your loss. ↑ |
| Name: jamcarant | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 6:33 AM |
| I thought you were farther along. It doesn't matter how far along you are, I know. My parents told me that all he needed to do was grow. I didn't remember him, and they buried him before I woke up. Be thankful that you have people who share your experience to talk to. I know that none of it probably makes it any better, but just know she is being taken care of. ↑ |
| Name: AnnD | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 12:30 PM |
| I am so very sorry about what happened to your little baby girl. It truly is a tragedy and every time I hear one of these stories, it terrifies me because there is no rhyme or reason to it. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Try to take good care of yourself right now and take as much time to grieve as you need. You might want to check out the pregnancy loss forums at www.justmommies.com. They have very supportive ladies over there. My heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you. ↑ |
| Name: jenp | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 3:45 PM |
| Name: jillw | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 3:47 PM |
| I am so very sorry to hear about you loss. I am 18 weeks right now and I can't even imagine how painful it would be to loose my baby. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I am glad to hear the the hospital was caring and let you hold and say good buy to your little angel. God bless you. ↑ |
| Name: christiansmommy | Date: Oct 23rd, 2006 11:54 PM |
| I AM TRULY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. I LOST MY BABY IN AUG. I WAS A LITTLE OVER 2 MONTHS ALONG. I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS. ↑ |
| Name: BabyKandy5503 | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 12:49 AM |
| I feel ur loss...I lost my baby also and I know how u r feeling! My heart goes out to u and ur family..I will keep u in my thoughts and prayers! *hugs* ↑ |
| Name: Minta | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 8:25 AM |
| well i havnt had a baby then lost it, i have lost 2 pregnancys and i can only guess that what you are going through is a lot worse but we have been in the same boat as you are right now just in a dif part. i am 17 wks pregnant and it has been just over a year since i lost my last one. i found talking to ppl and crying helped and i DONT think your crazy if you like drop me a line when ever you want. my heart goes out to you and your family ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 12:00 PM |
You are not "crazy", infact I would say that you were crazy if you were not grieving this loss. Miscarriage is a natural thing as you now, and at times like this we as humans look for reasons. In your case there is no reason other than "this happens". I cannot begin to comprehend the level of pain you are going through. If you are concerned at how others may be viewing you (family and friends) I suggest that you might wish to try to go outside of this group and go to a counsellor for a few sessions to talk it through. It will be hard but it will be no worse than what you are already going through. I know that this is a very sad time for you, but please make sure that you take time out from your sorrow to enjoy the gift and miracle of your current children who also need you at this time.
My best wishes to you. May your heart start to mend and God bless you.
Whatever you decide to do in regards to further children I wish you all the best and strength.
- Lilflower xoxoxoxoxoxoxo ↑ |
| Name: oopsybaby | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 1:42 PM |
Thank you all for your help. I have decided to seek counseling, my husband and I together as we are both having difficulty from this and I see so many people grow apart following a loss. I think I will need to see a psychiatrist for some meds to help me as I am at the point where I just want to fall asleep and not wake up . I am not suicidal by any means just feel like a zombie and waking up every morning with my hand on my belly crying is not working for me.
I got Mia's ashes back yesterday. It felt good to hold her, although it was a cold statue I know she was inside. Sounds crazy but it felt good to kiss her goodnight, touch her picture and tell her I love her.
I want to thank you all for your kind words, they do help. I think I need to find a forum however to talk about this with other woman who have gone through this. I don't want to scare anyone who is pregnant and possibly be the cause of stress. I will stay here on this forum too because I think we will try to get pregnant again in the spring. We are leaning more towards absolutely doing it, but haven't made the final decision yet. Again, thank you everyone for your support, I appreciate it. ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 24th, 2006 11:45 PM |
Oopsybaby, best wishes to you and your family. It is encouraging to know that you are seeking help.
May God bless you and be with you over the coming months.
- lilflower xoxoxoxoxoxoxo ↑ |
|
|
