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Ok, so I need to know if I'm crazy or completely rational. I've always been an untrusting person, never put "all my eggs in one basket", but ever since I've become prego, I don't trust my fiance one bit. He has NEVER done anything to hurt me, I admit it that last year I hurt him, but I'm really scared. I feel so helpless being pregnant, as bad as this sounds before I knew if he ever did anything I could just go out and meet someone easily, now that I have a new life inside of me everything's different. I don't want to bring a child into this world if I can;t even trust her father. It's just that I got a strange phone call, but he swears on his dead mother's grave ( I know like that makes a difference). I've just seen so many women get burned. SO to sum up this long story, should I lchalk these intense feelings of distrust to pregnancy or are my fears rational, even though there's been only one instance in five years that seems a bit odd. Sorry just need some advice ↓
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| Name: Aharris | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 12:44 PM |
| Well I am in a same situation as you are. I would just say to trust your heart and to be aware of things going on around you. Don't be blind for one second because even the nicest person can do wrong to you. Just make sure you keep your eyes open. I feel I can't trust my fiance is because when we were dating he cheated. He said it was his immature years but since i have become pregnant i find it more and more hard to trust him. I think that it could be the hormones but i am not even sure. So make sure that you are aware. Good Luck! ↑ |
| Name: ambernkenny | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 12:52 PM |
| Kristy I cant tell you one way or another what to believe or not believe.I mean if you feel really strongly that he is cheating on you then it may not hurt to investigate deeper into your suspicion.Just be careful,you dont want to end up loosing everything you have over a bad hunch.I'm not worried about my fiancee cheating or nothing,but here lately he's been going online for a couple hours a night looking at XXX pics,and ive asked him about it and all he tells me is,"im not lookin at none of the other women,they dont get me going,its just the things they do that turn me on" i know its normal for guys to want to look sometimes and what not,but i mean im going to have his baby in September so i dont know what to think of the whole ordeal...any advice? ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 8:04 PM |
Aharris, I'm so sorry to hear that you're fiance cheated on you. How old r u and how far along? I'm 22 by the way and 18 weeks. See it's the other way around for me. Last year I cheated on him, he was my bf then. I had like a 4mth rltnshp w/ another man. He had always been so good to me, and then BAM, I broke his heart. I have all of these abandonment issues, and I thought it wouldn;t hurt so bad if he cheated on me if I did it first; if that makes any sense. So now I'm just waiting for him to do the same. I want to tell you though, just b/c he cheated once does not automatically mean he'll do it again. I've often heard the quote "Once a cheater always a cheater", but I've been put in situations again, and didn't do ANYTHING!! I hope that y'all can work it out. Sometimes people just make stupic mistakes; it doesn't mean that they're bad; they just have a lack of willpower.
amberkenney,
Porn pisses me off soooo much!! My fiance used to look at it, and it tore me to pieces. I've suffered from eating disorders for 10 years, and it just hit a nerve w/ me. To make you feel better though, those girls aren't very beautiful. I'm worried about getting bigger and showing more b/c what if my fiance doesn't find it attractive? I mean if I was a guy I wouldn't find pregnancy sexy. I would tell him that it really bothers you and makes you feel insecure. By the way how old r u? Alot of guys, my fiance included, realized porn wasn't important enough to ruin our relationship over. It was one of the reasons I cheated on him though, b/c I felt like I wasn't enough for him. Put a password on your comp. so he can't get one or do something. DOn't let yourself suffer over some skanky sluts! ↑ |
| Name: connie | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 8:38 PM |
Your insecurities will drive your fiance away. You have allot of hormones right now being pregnant. I would talk to him about how you feel , make sure he understand what your going though.
Since you are prego you do have someone else to think of beside yourself.
Stay happy and healthy. ↑ |
| Name: Munira | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 12:31 PM |
| I have been feeling the same way i dont have any reason to be an trusting but like you i have alway never been able to trust my husband because he cheated alot on his ex. and it hasnt been as bad as it is now. For some crazy reason i seem to feel like i have lost some of my power. ↑ |
| Name: Aharris | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 12:33 PM |
| Kristy84, when he cheated I wasn't pregnant and it was in the first stage of us dating. I am 22 years old and i am 29 w and 5d. Well thanks for your advice. I just know that i have to be aware. I hope everything goes well with you and your boyfriend. ↑ |
| Name: ambernkenny | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 12:39 PM |
Hey Kristy,
I'm 19,and my fiancee is 23,we've been together going on 3 years now,and im 32wks. pregnant. I have asked him why he feels that he has to look at it so often and what not,and he keeps telling me "baby dont worry them girls aint got nothin on you,i dont look to see the other woman,i just look because i like the things theyre doing in the pics" i mean i dont know if i should be letting this all bother me so much or not.i mean i know "boys will be boys" and there are ALOT of men that look at that kinda stuff online.i trust kenny,i mean im carrying his child and all,and maybe im over-reacting i dont know. I dont feel i should have to put a password on the computer tho,if hes going to stop looking i want him to do it willingly on his own,i dont want to seem like a bitch (i do that enough with all these damn moodswings lol) does anyone here go by the theory of "you can look but you cant touch?" im just so confused...Anyways,I hope things get better for you Kristy,and i'm always here if you ever need someone to talk to! ↑ |
| Name: EthansMom0213 | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 1:30 PM |
I can't tell you whether or not you feeling should be taken serious because I to had felt this way when I was pregnant with my first and I'm starting to do it again with my second. He's never cheated on me as far as I know or lied to be about anything (again as far as I know) and he constantly tells me, "When do I have time." Everytime he says, "When do I have time, " I want to look at him and say, "I don't know but if you have to ask you must have time somewhere."
With my first I started to not trust him when I received a phone call. My husband was at school (he was going to night school at that time) and I got a call from some lady asking for Marc. I said he wasn't home. She was like, "Do you know where he is?" I said, "Yes." She was like, "Do you know what time he will be home." I snapped and said, "R U his F***in girlfriend." Apparently she was calling from some company, I can't remember what since I was so angry that she was asking so many question. I told her, "First of all, don't every call this house again and Second, it's very unprofession to call anyone and only asked for them by their first name. It's not as if you have a personal relationship with him," then I hung up.
This time around he's been working long hours at work. He goes into work between 6 & 6:30AM and I'm lucky if I see him before 6:30PM every morning. Then at 9PM when my son goes to bed, he is on his computer because he is taking an online course for his masters degree. I think right now I am just feeling forgotten.
So it could be hormonal and I wouldn't do anything crazy. Just talk to you fiance and let him know how you are feeling. Maybe he can help reassure you that nothing is going on behind your back. Maybe there is something that he can do or change to help you realize this. If he becomes defensive well then chances are your feeling may not be all that unrational. If there is nothing to hide there is nothing to defend. Just let him know that you want to talk to him about how you've been feeling and that you hate feeling this way, but just don't seem to be able to shake the feeling. Let him know that you don't understand why you are feeling this way. If this is your first pregnancy he may just be dealing with his own stress of the baby and is doing something that is causing you to feel this way. ↑ |
| Name: ANGELA | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 4:50 PM |
HI KIRSTY
WELL I WOULD SAY YOU CAN NEVER TRUST ANYONE 100 PERCENT, BUT WHAT EXACTLY WAS THE STRANGE PHONE CALL? AND AT WHAT TIME DO YOU FEEL HE MAYBE UNFAITHFUL, HAS HE CHANGED TOWARDS YOU SINCE YOU'VE BECOME PREGNANT, IT CAN CHANGE MEN MY PARTNER HAS LOST INTEREST IN ME NOW AND HAD BEEN SEEING SOMEONE ELSE JUST A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO AND WE TRIED FOR THIS BABY IT DIDNT MAKE SENSE TO ME HE WOULD DO THAT, I WOULD NEVER HAVE THOUGHT IT. ↑ |
| Name: Kristy84 | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 10:58 PM |
Angela,
No he hasn't changed at all, and there have been no signs except a phone call where a girl called and asked for me on my cell phone, but she said she had the wrong Kristy. So I called her back on my home phone, and then later that night the same girl called and asked for Michael. Michael talked to her and she said she had the wrong michael but it was still weird. He called her back and asked why she called for me, and she was really apologetic, and said she was really sorry for ruining our night. It didn't sound like they knew each other, but of course I was suspicious. I haven't re\ceived any other phone calls and I checked the cell phone records and he hasn't called her. I'm kinda over it now, but still there's doubt in the back of my mind.
So your husband just cheated on you? How far along are you? I'm soooo sorry!!!! How are you handling the situation? It may just be the pressures of being a new father. Are y'all still together? Let me know about your situation. ↑ |
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