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This all happened so fast, I really don't know where to begin. About 2 weeks ago, I started to feel like I was pregnant and I took a home test and it was positive. Just 2 days after I began bleeding. So, I was thinking that maybe the test was wrong. I made an appt. with my doctor and he took some blood. This was last Tuesday. He had me come back in on Thursday for more blood to see if the level of hormone would go up or down. Since I had had my period regularly a month earlier, we were assuming I was about 2-3 weeks along. But, the hormone level was very high, indicating I was furthur along, but he didn't say how much along. The level was 2400+. Since, the level was so high, he decided to do an ultrasound that revealed that the sac was not as big as should be. But, he just said it didn't look good, but that I was indeed pregant. He had more blood drawn and gave me my rogham shot since I am RH neg O. He scheduled me at the hospital on Monday for a more powerful ultrasound that would be able to tell what was really going on. Then on Sunday I began to really start having pain. At this point I have been bleeding like a period for almost a week. Sunday night, the pain subsided with the help of Ibuprophen. But, Monday morning, the pain began again and the medicine was not helping. I tried reading the Bible, especially the book of JOB to help me through. At about noon, I began to get so bad that I was out of myself, screaming, and hitting the wall. I had stripped to a nightgown because I was tired of pulling the underwear up and down everytime I was in the bathroom. I was out of my mind with pain. Then my mom came in and said that maybe I should go to the ER. I told her that I could make it. She called my doctor who said to go to the ER. So, somewhere between hearing her talk to the doctor and her saying he said to go to the ER, I stumbled out the my moms van (in nothing but the seethrough nightgown) barefoot. I did not realize my mom had not seen me leave. She rushes out to the van and yells at me because she needed to get my dads oxygen tank going first. (They were staying with me during the day while my husband was at work) and he needed his oxygen hooked up closer to the nursery to watch my two older kids while mom took me. Luckily though, my husband pulled up just then because he was taking off an hour early at work to take me to my ultrasound anyway. So, I got out and got in his car as he was pulling in. At this point I am still unaware that I am in a seethrough nightgown and no underwear. This would have been funny in any other situation. When I got the the ER it was like I was possessed. I was not aware of anything except that I wanted morphine and that I was extrememly thirstly. I was yelling at the nurses and couldn't understand why they wouldn't give me a taste of water. At one point I snuck over to the faucet and wet my fingers and put in my mouth. This was in the inside waiting room they take you to after checkign you in and before putting you in a room. They were very slow and I was very much in pain and impatient and out of myself. After what seems like hours, they finally got me to a room, where I had to still wait more. The pain was at this point starting to briefly subside. When the ER doctor finally came in, I was in pain, but it was more tolerable, so he didn't get yelled at as much. He put me on morphine, naseua medicine to reduce the vomitting and he consulted my doctors. (The practice I go to has 4 doctors...the one who saw me before this was not the one on call at the hospital) So, the doctor on call for delivering babies came in and decided to do a D&C. My problem was that I was not dilating normally. A condition that is also the cause of my emergency C-section that I had with my first child, who is a healthy 2 1/2 yr. old boy right now. But, anyway, they did the D&C. In the recovery room, I found out I had a 12 week uterus. I do not know the cause of the miscarriage. One nurse said it could be stress related after I told her about my dads lung cancer and my nieces kidney failure and the other 10 things happening in my family or to those I love right now. This miscarriage just adds to the list of 'How can this all happen to one family'. Two other things going on: we are in the process of filing bankruptcy while about to lose the house the bankruptcy is supposed to save, and my cousins husband has a brain tumor and was given 6 months to live. He is stil alive more than 6 months later and undergoing treatment at Duke in NC. Plus a bunch of other stuff happening right now, so the nurse said that the miscarriage could be stress related. How do I feel? I am sufferign Insomnia, which is why I am here typing a novel about this! I feel empty, numb, in shock. I am experincing mood swings. I will be crying formaybe 3 seconds and then....it stops and I am not sad...just empty. I don't know at what point the baby died. I am having thoughts that maybe it was still alive when they did the D&C. I am strongly against abortion even for medical reasons, so this would be murder in my eyes. And I am just realizing that I actually do not know when the baby died. It just happened so fast that it was like a blur. I am trying to rely on God to help me through this. I believe the baby had a soul at conception. My sister pointed out that the baby had an automatic seat in heaven. This helps. But, I just don't know what I am supposed to feel. I named the baby right away. My husband and I were going to name our next baby girl, Jeanytha. We hadn't agreed on a spelling yet. When I first told my parents that I was pregnant (the day before the miscarriage began) my dad asked was it a girl or a boy. I told him I thought hat I was only 3 weeks along but that I had a strong feeling it was a girl. I had been correct on both of my other pregnancies. I knew my boy was going to be a boy at about 3 months and my girl at about 4-6 months. I did not understand exactly why I would know at 3 weeks, but when I found out I had actually been 3 months along, I understood, she was a girl. So, I told everyone that her name was Jeanytha. It has now been just a few days since the miscarriage. I am doped up on medicine, in pain emotionally and physically, getting alot of help physically with the kids, but don't feel like I am getting the emotional support I need. I don't even feel like I deserve it. I emailed my pastor and am still waiting on his reply. THis is discouraging to me. I really need some sort of support group to help me. I know that Jesus is here with me, but I also need some human emotional support. If this had been my first pregnancy, I do not know how I would have coped even as well as I am now. I have two beautiful children to look at each time I think about the loss. I am keeping them in my heart to knwo that they are here in the life and that I need to be there for them. That is helping me get through each day. But, I feel like I am in survival mode. Eating, breathing, just to get to the next day. I am not even sleeping to get to the next day. The medicine is making me sleep in the morning, but that makes the people helping me to have to take care of my kids instead of me. And I can't break the cycle. I don't know what to do to live for the moment and to realize that this hurt will go away and that my 2 kids need me more than I am giving to them right now. They have em physically, and my love is there, but it is like through a tunnel. There, but hard for them to touch, when I am in this state of void and empty and numb. Jesus, be here for me. Please help me get through this. Please help me and any other women or couple going through this same thing or any other sitution they need help with. Please just help us get through this and to know you are there. To know you are our personal Savior. Jesus, I need you. We need you. Please help me get to the day when I will look back at this an realize what the purpose was. To look at my 2 kids and my future kids and to see what your divine purpose is. If I get pregnant again with a child who would not have been possible except for this miscarriage, help me to see soul that in heaven that made it possible for that blessing to exist. Thank you Jesus, Amen. ↓
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| Name: Munira | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 1:38 PM |
I wish you all the best and i hope you get through this.
I had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy and i found that very difficult to get grips with as i had moved from England to France and i had no one but my husband who didnt wish to talk about it.
But thank god i'm pregnant again and i hope everything will be fine. ↑ |
| Name: chicksy | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 4:25 PM |
| Very touching story. I hope that you will soon began to feel better and whenever times get down and out always remember that God will never put more on you than you can bear. Take care of yourself and God bless you. ↑ |
| Name: moshecathy | Date: Jul 21st, 2006 6:17 PM |
Im so sorry for what you are going through. Atleast you have your faith that really helps. One of the people in this forum actually posted this web site a few days ago. I'm sure it will help you or ba of a little comfort. God bless you my sister.
Http://www.ispokewithmychild.com ↑ |
| Name: MOM2B | Date: Jul 22nd, 2006 2:48 AM |
| I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my baby at 10 weeks. I am still sick about it. ↑ |
| Name: ARMANISMOM | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 6:37 PM |
Hi JKM78 I went through what I call an X files pregnancy myself that I lost at 16 weeks when they did an ultrasound.The weird thing is there was no baby for me it was just the sack and placenta that grew. I was showing and had all the symptoms of a healthy pregnancy and the doctor could never find a heart beat.
I did have the ultrasound and later had to have a DNC to remove the sack and placenta. It is very hard to get over especially since I lost a set of twins at 12 weeks one was eptopic. The other thing I wanted to address to you is by filing bankruptsy IT WILL NOT SAVE YOUR HOME]]] They are lying to you. I am a Foreclosure specalist. My company can get you a loan to bring you current and get you out of foreclosure without having to refinance and sometimes save you from even filing Bankruptsy. Email me and we can talk about this more. After this loss I would hate for you to have to lose your home as well.
[email protected] ↑ |
| Name: christiansmommy | Date: Jul 31st, 2006 11:28 PM |
| BE STRONG MY SISTER, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO GET THROUGH THIS. EVEN THOUGH I HATE FOR THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN, IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER TO KNOW I AM NOT ALONE. I JUST CAME HOME FROM GETTING A SONOGRAM AND THEY TOLD ME THE BABY HAD PASSED AWAY. THEY COULD SEE IT BUT IT WASN'T MOVING OR GETTING BIGGER. I AM DEVASTATED RIGHT NOW AND DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I AM ON THIS COMPUTER. MY HUSBAND AND 3 YR. OLD SON ARE UPSTAIRS AND ARE TORN UP AS WELL. BUT THEY WILL NEVER FEEL LIKE I DO. I HAVE TO GO AND GET A D & C SOMETIME THIS WEEK. I TOO PRAY FOR THE LORD TO COMFORT ME IN MY TIME OF GRIEF. AT LEAST I HAVE SOMEONE NEW TO MEET WHEN I GET TO HEAVEN. :( ↑ |
| Name: becky | Date: Aug 1st, 2006 9:29 PM |
| i really feel for you, i hope everything works out, i have never miscarried, so i cant know what your going through,, but god bless you ↑ |
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