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Hello, my name is monica white and i am from leicestershire england, ive been with my boyfriend for 4weeks and have just done a pregnancy test, its positive. my boyfriend is 26 and i am 16 what do i do now? help!! x ↓
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| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:02 AM |
| Tell the police, it is statutory rape. ↑ |
| Name: monica91 | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:04 AM |
| i dont understand why its rape? im 16 and consnted to having sex with him ?!?! ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:05 AM |
| You are 16, you are not an adult. ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:05 AM |
| Also go see your doctor. ↑ |
| Name: monica91 | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:07 AM |
| Are you from ameica? if so what age are you allowed to have sex? because you cannot get done over here as i am 16 ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:38 AM |
Unfortunately, 16 is the age of consentual sex in the UK and it doesn't matter if the man is 50. How sad that you are just a child having sex with an adult. He's almost old enough to be your father. I still feel this is statutory rape because he is an adult and knows what he is doing is wrong whereas you are only a child and can be easily presuaded.
Imagine for a moment that you could have a baby girl. When you are a mere 32 year old single mother and your little girl who is only 16 comes home and tells you that she is pregnant with a man who is only 6 years younger than you. I don't think you would be very happy.
Do you honestly feel that this adult will be there for you forever? Probably not because he'll be looking for another 16 year old to have sex with. He is obviously a pervert that prefers sex with little girls than with a women in his age range.
Nothing we say here will have an impact on your decisions because you have already been taken in by this man. How sad. It would be hard no matter who you got pregnant by, be it a 17 or 18 year old, but they would at least have the same mentality as you, and are just horny for sex compared to a predator. This man should have more brains and you're going to need your parents for support because he won't stay long.
The law in UK is bad, too many lax laws and no one really cares to go after anyone because everyone here is afraid of "confrentation" , it's madd!!!! ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:54 AM |
A Mom To Be,
In England, it is legal to have sex at 16. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 10:57 AM |
Monica91,
Make an appointment with your GP; he or she will want to confirm and date the pregnancy.
Then you are going to have to seriously think about whether or not you want to continue with the pregnancy. If you do, you'll need to be booked in for your first antenatal appointment at your chosen Maternity Hospital.
If not, it's better to have an abortion sooner rather than later ... But again, that is a very personal decision. Speak with your boyfriend about what he wants to do, although legally speaking, he has no control or rights over your decision. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 11:01 AM |
Daisy,
My fiancé is almost 10 years my senior, and we started dating when I was 17. That doesn't make him a pervert and it doesn't mean that two people of different ages cannot engage in a long-lasting relationship. I have been with my fiancé 6 years now, and we're expecting our first baby. He's a good man. There is every possibility Monica's boyfriend is also a good man. Please do not prejudge simply because of an age difference. As long as it is legal and Monica consented, this man has done nothing wrong, just as my fiancé did nothing wrong in having sex with my when I was 17. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 11:20 AM |
| I never dated guys of my own age for as long as I can remember. It's a biological fact that females mature much quicker than males, and I always found guys my age lacked in every appealing quality I looked for in a partner. Even now, other 23-year-old men and thereabouts, I find boring and childish. I've had to grow up very fast in my youth, and perhaps that is the reason I preferred older men. I tried to date guys my age, but always found them tedious and immature. So most of my boyfriends have been at least 7 years my senior, the oldest being 13 years my senior. Indeed my sister's boyfriend is 12 years her senior; he's a fantastic man, and they have a lovely 17-month-old son together. Similarly, my fiancé is almost 10 years my senior, and we're about to have a son together. Monica has said nothing to suggest that her boyfriend is a bad man who won't stand by her. She admitted that she consented to sex, and the law agrees with it (I don't see any harm in it either!) So calling him a 'predator' is not something I think is fair. He's now 50; he's 26, and even I would find a 26-year-old too young for me. !! The only condemnation I might have made was that Monica and her boyfriend should have used contraception, but it's too late to voice this opinion given that she is already pregnant. Monica honey, I wish you and your boyfriend the best of luck, and hope you make the right decision for yourself. :) ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 11:47 AM |
briseis, I respect what you say, but compared to what I have seen and heard, it normally doesn't work. I don't and never will agree with an adult man dating a child. What does a grown man see in a child just beginning to live her life? I've lived in America where children are protected whether the sex is consentual or not, children are too young to make that kind of decision about having sex with a man. It seems that most children who chose to be with older men are lacking that father figure.
You paint your relationship rosey, but it's not. I still worry about your safety and your baby's. His behavior isn't very mature, hence the reason he would go after a child. A mature man would never go after a child so you only have the appeal of dating an older man by age who truly acts like a child.
As soon as a man hears the age, he should end any attemps to get in her pants, but that would be a mature man. Where are the parents when all this is happening?
Would you feel comfortable with your son being 26 bringing home a 16 year old child possibly having sex with her in your house?
Your fiance has a strong hold on you and probably had that same hold on you at the begining of the relationship. So many women feel they don't want to be single especially a single parent, but you'll be better off. That right man is out there somewhere.
Don't get me wrong, every relationship has it's fair share of problems, but most don't hit or feel they have to control their wife or girlfriend. I have a feeling that he is the reason you don't have a good relationship with your parents and I have that same feeling about monica because these men are controlling and will isolate the girls from their families and contact is no longer that great.
I'm sorry if you're upset with my words, but it frustrates me that me prey on little girls and have a hold on them. ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 11:49 AM |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 4:02 PM |
Daisy
I respect your opinions too. Perhaps you're so shocked with the UK laws because you've not grown up with them being the norm, whereas I have. I don't think having sex with a 16-year-old qualifies a person as a pervert, unless they are decidedly older, which Monica's boyfriend isn't. In fact, legally speaking in the UK it doesn't, and I've seen many successful relationships work where one of the partners is quite a few years older than the other. I've actually seen more relationships break down where both are of a similar age. I don't agree that 16 automatically means you are a child. It's adolescent; shes gone through puberty, and has the body of an adult, perhaps even the mind of one. I certainly did. Not all 16-year-olds are immature. I was living on my own when I was 16, and caring for my dying aunt, after years of caring for my mentally disturbed mother. I was also going to school, and working as a piano and violin teacher part time, before I went to University of my own accord, got a Student Loan, and I got a degree. I've always been very independant. So I don't think you can generalise 16-year-olds. Some are emotionally advanced. Some aren't; this is true, but some are.
I don't agree with the American law that it is fine to go die for your country at 18, but you still can't drink alcohol till you are 21! I don't agree with the American law which claims that you can have a drivers permit at 14! That is shocking! There are in fact, some States which allows 14-year-olds to marry!
As for my relationship, it has had it's ups and downs. Every relationship does. I can't condone some of my fiancé's behaviour. Even now, it concerns me, but my fiancé is proving to me that he is a changed man. People are not trapped in a cast-iron existance. They can change, and where a partner can accept that ... well welcome to an adult relationship.
I don't agree with your remark that I only have the appeal of dating an older man by age; that has nothing to do with it. It's maturity I go for. The ability to have an intelligent conversation. The ability to commit, to work hard, to not go drinking every other night, to not take drugs because their friends do. To not become fascinated with cars and breasts. To want to engage in a committed and loving relationship, with does not limit on just having sex and having fun. I want more than that. And although I tried to find it in guys my age, I never did, but I found it in my fiancé. And here we are 6 years on.
If my fiancé heard my age and turned away from me because of it, or similarly my sister with her boyfriend, we wouldn't be together, and that would be a crying shame, because regardless of what you think of relationships with age gaps, I wouldn't be without my fiancé today. I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else. And my sis and her bf are fantastic together.
Would I feel comfortable with my son having sex with a 16-year-old when he's 26? Well the law in Northern Ireland states that you need to be 17-years-old to have sex, so no. I'd rather it was legal. But if he brought home a 17-year-old and they were having consentual sex, then no it wouldn't be an issue, as long as they were using contraception, and as long as they were both happy.
I don't feel my fiancé has a hold over me, Daisy. True, I was relectant to throw away a relationship I've had for 6 years, and the father of my son over one incident. Certainly, if he didn't express any remorse, didn't apologise, and didn't swear never to do it again, I would have done. But he did. And I believe him. I wouldn't put my unborn baby at risk if I didn't. I'm not a bad mother. I've been in circumstances much worse than that, and I've walked away. However, thank you for your concern. But if I thought my baby was in danger, I'd pack my bags and leave right now. I feel that I am with a man I can trust, and I am bringing a baby into this world with 2 parents under the one roof who do love each other.
Try not to generalise people's maturity or how aware they are of their decisions by how old they are. Certainly you can do that to a point, but late teens is a sticky age. Some 16-year-olds are more advanced than 26-year-olds, even 36-year-olds. There is every possibility that Monica and her boyfriend, like thousands of others, will go on to have a successful and beautiful relationship together. It's not guaranteed, given that they are only 4-weeks together! But it's possible. That's Monica's decision. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 4:30 PM |
Oh, I missed one of your comments. My relationship with my parents had long since gone bad before I met Mark. I've never had a good relationship with my parents. They were and are appauling parents. That has nothing to do with Mark; you are prejudging Mark for things he has nothing to do with because of one incident? That is most unfair ... The reason I don't have a good relationship with my parents has got nothing to do with Mark.
Anyway, I've been digressing. You have prejudged Mark for something he has nothing to do with. I also feel you are prejudging Monica's boyfriend without his having done anything wrong, which is why I responded to your post. But I don't have any argument with you. :) Everyone is entitled to their opinions. ↑ |
| Name: monica91 | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 5:26 PM |
Thankyou for your comments ladies, i see there has been quite a debate going on. welll.... to set things straght, my boyfriend is not a 'sexual predator' and i am not a child, i may only be 16 but i have a head on my shoulders and can think for myself!
Me and my boyfriend are using contreseption, i am on the pill, but it obviously has failed, i do not, and never will want an abortion, im sorry if this offeds anyone but i believe in the fact that abortion is murdering your own child!
Back to the age thing, i am 16 and my boyfriend is 26, but sometimes i feel like the adukt in the relationship, we are both on the same level. i think that i am a mature 16 year old, i like to have a laugh but can also be very serious, i have to younger siblings that are 7 and 10, and i look after them most days of the week as my parents work to put food on the table! i get my brother and sister dressed for school in the morning, make thier breakfast, do their lunch to take to school and tidy the house if my parents are at work in the morning, if they work in the evening, i prepare dinner, wash their school uniforms and iron them and put them to bed! i am like a mother myself! i do not look like a 16 year old either.
I am keeping this baby and bringing it up with his or her father as i think if it is possible to have a father figure in a childs life, then it is essential.
would love to hear your views now you know a it more about me.
thankyou monica x ↑ |
| Name: NoahsMama06 | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 6:36 PM |
Daisy...
My husband and I are 15 years apart and that has never posed a problem for us. We started dating when I was 20 (he 35) and we got married when I was 22 (he 37). We had our son when I was 23 (he 38) and will have this next baby in October (me 24 him 39). I would change absolutely nothing about this. I dated men my own age and never found anyone I clicked with. Brian and I just seemed to fit. I really believe love knows no age and in the end what really matters is that you love each other and treat each other with respect, honesty, and sincerity. You, nor I, nor anyone else, has the right to judge who another person may love, and while she is only 16 she's old enough to make decisions and accept responsibility for them. ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 6:54 PM |
It doesn't matter what you have experienced in life, most of what you do are chores or things my 12 year old can do. A 16 year old is a 16 year old, that's not an adult.
Noah's mom, you were 20 not 16, there's a big difference there. I myself have dated a 40 year old man when I was 23, but I was an adult. I never complained soley on the age difference but that fact that a 26 year old wants to be with a child.
Funny that it's against the law to look at naked pictures of teens and children, but if you want to have sex with that 16 year old and they agree, it's not against the law. It's sad and I'm sorry but I would never allow my child to come home with a man as her boyfriend nor would I condone my son dating a 16 year old when he is an adult man. It's flat out wrong and quite disturbing.
Also, in the US, you have to be 16 to drive and it's very restricted. Also, briseis, I never said you're a bad mom, just that I fear for your safety and your baby's. You did state that he has been violent with you in the past, not just this once.
The bottom line is....it's your choice, your decision. I just think it's sad that this man didn't think otherwise when choosing to sleep with a 16 year old. I do commend you on choosing to keep your baby no matter what, I don't believe in abortion either.
I've given my 2 cents and you have done the same, just another subject I disagree on.
Wish you all the best. ↑ |
| Name: NoahsMama06 | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 7:00 PM |
Daisy
In the US you do have to be 16 to drive, but you can get a permit to drive when you are 15.
I don't mean this to be nasty or anything, I'm just genuinly curious... You say at 16 she's a child and isn't old enough to make these choices and as a 26 year old he should understand that, so do you feel that when she is 18 and an adult and he is 28 that it is alright for her to consent? Do you think those 2 years make that much difference in whether you are a child or an adult? I think you have to look more at the person than the number... some 16 year olds are more mature than many 18 year olds. Just curious ↑ |
| Name: Coartney | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 7:09 PM |
| wow lets all argue over the twit ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 8:25 PM |
Daisy,
Like I said, we're all entitled to our opinions. But I agree with Noah's mum. Age is just a number, and it does not always indicate the level of maturity. You do not automatically become an adult when you are 18. If you behave like an adult at 16, then in my eyes, you are a responsible person, and capable of making adult decisions. Life experience can have a powerful impact on how adult you are. Some people never grow up ... Things are not always so black and white.
Monica,
I applaud you for keeping your baby. I wish you, your boyfriend and your baby all the very best. It sounds like you are as I hoped you were; a person who takes responsibility for her actions. Good for you. :) ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Jun 18th, 2007 8:38 PM |
Daisy,
Thanks for caring about me and my baby. I'm touched. :) ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: Jun 20th, 2007 8:24 PM |
| congratz monica, i wish you and your boyfriend all the luck in the world. having a child is a beautiful thing and it only gets better when they grow up. i still look at my son (he is 7) and i get watery eyes because i love him sooooo much, now that i have my daughter (she is 3 months) i couldnt be more happier i love them both soooo much. they are both my world and i wouldnt trade it for the world. being a mother has changed my life and i love every second with my children. i could not picture my life without my kids and fiancee, they are more important to me than anything. ↑ |
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