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| Name: briseis | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 9:50 AM |
| The choice of words men use when they are angry are shocking ... but they often don't mean them. How could he possibly call you a bad mother? Where does he get that idea from? The baby isn't even born ... I know how it feels when you feel 'unloved'. I sometimes feel like that ... and I've felt it moreso this pregnancy. During pregnancy, you tend to feel more vulnerable, and the men in our lives don't tend to appreciate this. The more we ache for love and support, it seems the more we're criticised for asking for it ... When I have to ask my man for love and support, he immediately jumps into defensive attack mode. I think there is little point in asking him if he wants you to go away, although I very much doubt he does. And even though he probably doesn't, he would tell you it didn't bother him either way. He'd be too proud to tell you the truth ... Your man sounds similar to mine in some ways. Grossly immature, got his priorities mixed up, has to be told what to say and do to get things right ... When I was half way through my pregnancy, my fiancé pointed at my belly and told me our baby and I were both mistakes. Of course, he didn't mean it ... He apologised afterwards, and he's aching for our son to be born now. He always was. There are certain elements about your hubby that will never change, because that's just the way he is. He's a man, and cannot help it. The more we try to change them, the more we weaken the relationship. But you must feel loved and supported especially throughout this time, because as your pregnancy progresses, you'll find you crave his support more and more. The only way to fix this is to talk to him, but don't attack him or whinge at him. It won't work. But going away is not going to fix this problem ... You'll be away from him and you'll still be arguing with him, and you won't be happy. I think that the reason you're so unhappy is because you don't really want to be apart from him ... You will have to sit down calmly and discuss your problems; you could probably both make a little effort to change, even if it is just picking up the laundry ... If you did, maybe he'd make more of an effort too? But there will always be times when he'll say things he shouldn't. You just need to know in your heart he doesn't mean them and expect an apology. I wouldn't leave. I'd try to fix the problems calmly by talking, and discussing what is making you both so unhappy. That's my humble opinion anyway ... I only suggest talking because I gave my fiancé another chance and calmly talked even though he said some appauling things to me, and I don't regret it now. ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 10:53 AM |
| briseis, I love you. Thank you for your words. Well I decided I would go down to the pub and see him (staff were down there having dinner and watching football). Looking at him and him looking at me, he smiled. We still need to talk but things are a lot happier. Damn pregnancy hormones. ↑ |
| Name: briseis | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 12:03 PM |
| Aw I'm so pleased things are looking up. That little smile between you makes all the difference I'm sure. It really lifts your spirits. :) Isn't it amazing what a small gesture like a smile between you can do to change how you feel? It just goes to show that you 2 are definitely not through with each other. I hope you get talking and sort things out between you. Pregnancy is a very special, but difficult time in your life. But you're right. Damn pregnancy hormones! I dunno what I'll use to blame my stroppy moods on when I finally evict this little guy! :) ↑ |
| Name: FatallyYours | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 12:03 PM |
| -huggles ↑ |
| Name: Randi | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 1:53 PM |
| Well I read the responses, and I really hope everything does look up. Damn pregnancy hormones is right! LOL You just have to talk to him. Let him know what he is saying really hurts you. You ARE extra sensitive right now and he probably doesn't understand that. Did your problems just start? I can't imagine you ttc if your relationship was on the edge... If they did just start, then you know it's most likely a response on both ends, to your pregnancy. It's a huge life changing event and anyone would be lying if they told you becoming a parent did not scare the hell out of them. Life as you know it will be over, and it's hard for many people to adjust to that as quickly. I think it happens more quickly for women because we feel the changes our bodies go through almost immediately (especially if you have been trying forever, morning sickness etc) That's really all I can think of to say. We had the opposite happen. My husband realized how much he really loved me when they thought (at about 4-5 weeks along) that Kaden was an ectopic pregnancy. We were facing surgery for me, possibly removing an ovary and definitely losing the baby we had been excited about. Our bond definitely grew. Then we actually had the baby and that's a different story LOL Wait until your are both sleep deprived and in eachothers faces : ) ↑ |
| Name: Daisy-UK | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 2:54 PM |
| Hey sweetie, sorry you're feeling bad. I, too, understand where you are coming from. I'm in a similar situation except that my hubby thinks our marriage is perfect and that's because I do everything and I am at the end of my rope. There is no talking to him because he listens defensively and doesn't really hear me. So I have decided to write a letter to him from the heart letting him know how I feel and hopefully that will open the door for future communication. I plan on asking him to do the same because I want to know where I can make things better as well. I think you guys will be fine, things can be altered for all the wrong reasons for pregnancy, could be just his fear of being a new daddy weighing on him and he just doesn't know how to behave. After all you have done and given up to get to this magical moment, you'll definately be an awesome mommy and I have a feeling he really knows that. You might want to get him to your next appointment and bring up the hormones and feelings and what pregnancy can do to you, physically and emotionally. It's not easy and I bet when he gets a better understanding of it, he'll cope better. Miss chatting with you sassy lady and I'm happy to hear all is good with your little bub. How far along are you now? If you're not on, Happy Anniversary, a good time for extra making up, wink, wink. God bless hun. ↑ |
| Name: DaneseS | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 3:03 PM |
| ok so everyone has already said pretty much what i would say! I think you need to have a heart to heart but try not to get too emotional...my husband for a while after i found out i was pregnant was a complete ass until i told him something ya know now he is completly wonderful (and will be home sooooooooooooon) i think its just hard for him since its all new..give him some time and make sure he knows how you feel GoodLuck with the belly lady when are we going to get some belly pics up?? you ahve a journal on here?? also when is your anniversary mine is sept 5th... Happy 1 Year to YOU!!! ↑ |
| Name: NIKKIS | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 7:19 PM |
| im glad things are already starting to look up. our emotions tend to play horrible tricks on us while we are pregnant. when do we get to know if you are having pink or blue? ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 11:14 PM |
| He isn't weighed down by the pregnancy, he loves the baby so much and I told him last night it is almost like I am jealous, in real life everyone only wants to talk baby to me and I have already lost my identity, and my husband is so in love with the baby that I feel forgotten. And I am proud of my bump but I feel fat. (15w 5 d today). Pink or blue... well you will have to wait until next year. I am not going to find out. DH will find out. Anniversary is 23/9. ↑ |
| Name: automansgirl | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 11:49 PM |
| I know how it can be to feel like you have lost who you are. I don't have a lot of friends, and the ones I do have are all out of state. It's seems strange to me that people want to talk to me in stores and whatnot, simply because I am pregnant. Don't let it get you down. Be glad that he is in love with the little. I remember when you were trying and you would have to practically trick him into having sex because he was so afraid of actually getting you pregnant! Get used to feeling fat, it doesn't go away. I'm not 27 weeks and all I can think about (other than the baby of course) is losing weight and what my fitness routine and diet will be after he is born. Just remember that you are a beautiful and amazing woman. A lot of what you are feeling right now is from hormones. I can remember feeling that way around that time. I went to Indiana without my husband one trip, and I almost didn't come home. To be honest I think we have one of the greatest relationships I've ever seen, and I still thought about not coming home. Everything seemed so much worse than it ever actually was. Give it about 10 weeks and it will be great because you won't be able to remember anything! Keep your head up, and remember that you can always come on here to talk or to get advice. I think this site and others like it are great, because you can vent to other women, get advice, and make a decision that you have put a lot of thought into rather than playing off our hormones. You're doing great! Once you get a couple more weeks in you feel much better. I did nothing but cry throughout weeks 14 and 15. Week 16 was good. I remember cause I was in Hawaii! Keep smiling hun ↑ |
| Name: automansgirl | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 11:52 PM |
| Sorry about the type-o's ↑ |
| Name: preggers01 | Date: Sep 19th, 2007 3:15 AM |
| Hi Mom to be. Im sorry for what your going through at the moment. But one peice of advice i can give to you is pregnancy is a hard time and most times guys dont seem to understand how hard it is and what we all go through on a daily basis and the rollercoaster of emotions that we experience. Try to understand that he is going through a tough time as well and he is trying to adjust as much as what you are. If you both support and understand each other a little more it will make going through the pregnancy alot easier casue you haev the support of each other. My Partner is the same ever since i got pregnant it took him a long time to understand and it was hard and so often he used to belittle me and say horrible things to me but he never meant them he was just lashing out casue he didnt know how else to react to everything changing. I figured that the only way to help him to understand was to give him a pregnancy book to read and he read the whole thing and he then understood how much we have to go through and since then he has been so supportive and great. So i think your husband is not trying to be mean and hurtfull to you he is just lashing out casue he does not understand everything that is changing so maybe you should just help him understand and things will get better. Take care ↑ |
