We have been talking about starting a family and this month we tried and he is now freaked out by it all (even though he is 30) and now wants to wait until this time next year. He has also said that if we 'accidentally' fall pregnant in the meantime that it wouldn't bother him in the slightest... so why wait until next year. I took another pregnancy test today and WHAMMO! Still negative. I am very concerned that our relationship will falter with him wanting to wait. I understand he want kids but just not now. I know that when we have sex I will be thinking about it, and that when I am fertile I will be thinking about it and when I get my period I will be even more pissed off with him. In fact I cant see myself having sex for another year until he wants kids because I am that hurt, angry and upset., but still hopeful that I wont get my period this months and be pregnant.
I worry if I do fall pregnant over the next 12 months that he will think I am deceitful. If we have sex when I am fertile I think he will doubt that it is to concieve rather than for love.
Talking about this is hurting our friendship and relationship, and it hurts so damn much.
I dont know what to do. Neither of us can 'win' this situation.
And what happens when we start trying if I have difficulty falling pregnant, I will resent him for this.
I feel like I am being childish and I am probably right but it hurts me so much and it is tearing me appart.
HELP ME. ↓
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| Name: tylersmom06 | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 7:50 AM |
| lilflower do you have email or instant messenger? ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 9:07 AM |
| Yes but I would prefer not to list it incase others I know see it listed here, because lilflower is obviously not my name. ↑ |
| Name: tylersmom06 | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 9:17 AM |
lilflower... that's fine... we have moved to another forum.. I was gonna email you the site but if you still want to chat please come join us!
http://groups.msn.com/BabyTalk ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 11:24 AM |
I totally understand your feelings!!!
It took me 3 years of waiting with my hub. It was way worst then pulling a tooth to get him to agree on a date to start. I was also very hurt, and felt exactly how you feel. I was angry and depressed because I was getting to my mid 30's and no kid yet. Do not forget, you are also in the relationship, therefore you should have a say so. This is your dream and that is very important to you. He needs to anchorage that, and not just turn his back and say “in a year from now”. I remember waiting one month was a torture let along a whole year!
What is his reason for wanting to wait another year, would a year make a difference from how he feels now and why? If you find hard time talking about it, then maybe you can sort it out with a therapist.
You are not being childish at all. The desire to have a child is something we women cannot control. It is plant in our heads and hunts us until we achieve that goal (just like guys cannot stop thinking about having sex). I felt like I could never feel complete with out having the experience of being a mom.
Your feelings are completely legitimate!
By the way, if he says if you 'accidentally' fall pregnant in the meantime that it wouldn't bother him in the slightest...Sounds like he wants a child but does not like “the trying to have a child” part. Some guys (my hub is one of them) do not like to mix sex and having kids at same time. Maybe he rather leave that part to you, and when you are pregnant he will be fine with it. My hub is so happy right now, even more then I am in some ways. Just tempt him to have sex ;) guys love sex like girls like flowers :) they also like variety. Most guys do not like to sex for the purpose of having kids. It makes sense for us girls because we like to be romantic about it and make it right, but for them it could be a turn off mixing the two things together.
Good luck, and we are here for you :) ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 11:36 AM |
Am I trying to sabotage my marriage?
I need honest advice. ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 12:35 PM |
| VeggieMom2B I just realised we are a great duo, I made you feel good earlier and now you have lifted my spirits. Thank You. :) ↑ |
| Name: VeggieMom2B | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 5:51 PM |
Lilflower, sounds like you are on an emotional roller coaster right now, which is typical when you first get pregnant. Maybe you are already? When was the first day of your last menstrual period? How long is your cycle, and when did you start getting sick? Have you taken home pregnancy test yet?
Some guys biggest fear is giving up sex when and after you get pregnant. I have very little sexual desire right now because I am feeling sick or tired most of the time. That is inevitable. Guys fear that just like we fear of never having kids. It is like Ying & Yang. I do not think you are sabotaging your relationship. You are just being you. However, maybe your hub have some fears about having kid. Maybe he can be more specific about his fears so you can address them. Both of you should be able to talk and express your feelings in a respectful way. That is easier for women because we are more able to talk out our problems while men will emotionally close themselves. If you having real hard time, maybe counseling would help? It helped me and us in the past.
Just hung there, you will see, things will turn out fine :) ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 26th, 2006 10:10 PM |
29 day cycle, last one started 2 Oct. AF due on Mon
We had a DMC last night and we talked about what the fears were and worked through it and are ready to go for next month. ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 28th, 2006 8:34 AM |
VeggieMom2B, I haven't got sore boobs leading up to my menstrual cycle like this since I was a teenager, and that was some time age. Over the past week they have been sore, my nipples have been somewhat more erect than before (in normal situations, not sexually related), I have been getting headaches and cramps and still have felt nauscus at times. I tell you I am feeling more preggers all the time, but I hope that I am not more sensitive to feeling this because I want to fall pregnant. I am due for my AF on Monday. I so don't want to get it. Fingers crossed for me.
Do you think I am preggers? Crazy? A drama queen? or premenstrual?
lilflower xoxoxoxoxoxoxo ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 28th, 2006 8:36 AM |
| Others also free to respond. ↑ |
| Name: l3itchyl3unny | Date: Oct 28th, 2006 9:12 AM |
Just as im reading this, i know im younger at 21....but from a objective view, i just hope that you dont try and fall pregnant on purpose because you want it so bad! - and then live with the thought that the conception of your child was deceitful and you didnt wait until it was a mutual decision between you and your partner
You arnt being childish what so ever, but would it really damage you if you did wait the extra year?
What would you do if your partner this time next year decided he didnt want kids for another 5 years...would you actually leave him?
Have you talked to him and let him know exactly how your feeling about this?
I do wish you the best of luck. Keep your head high and fingers crossed you are pregnant this period ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 28th, 2006 12:57 PM |
l3itchyl3unny you must have missed reading some of what I previously wrote. It said that we discussed it and resolved the issues surrounding the year, which means that we want to fall pregnant next month if we arent this month.
Also there are more important things that being pregnant (come on it is enjoyable but also terrible), there are more important things than having a baby, what is important is being a family, and a family that loves, cares and supports one another, and that is what I am looking forward to, increasing our family to 3, and that just begins with falling preggers. (Not meant to offend anyone) ↑ |
| Name: lilflower | Date: Oct 29th, 2006 5:28 AM |
| Geeze this is so confusing. My body is telling me so many things and by boobs have been so sore, and even my hubby agrees that he has seen changes in my nipples. Tomorrow is the day AF is to arrive, I hope she doesnt arrive. Fingers crossed for us (and others who are trying). ↑ |
| Name: A Mom To Be | Date: Oct 30th, 2006 5:21 AM |
| You sound like me, good luck. Tell us the result. ↑ |
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