i don`t know what to do anymore. i`m scared, and hurt, and i feel like everything is crashing down in front of me and i`ll never be okay.
i don`t care how emo this fucking post is, i don`t care how emo i`m being. WHATEVER. i have every right to be emotional.
do you want to know why?
probably not but i`ll go ahead and tell you.
TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF MY LIFE, ARE GONE.
wasted, fucked up, and completely useless.
so i`m pregnant. at 18 years old.
so i was actually pretty excepting of this baby. happy about it even. i`m going to be a great mom, and i THOUGHT stephen would be a great dad.
i should have fucking known he wouldn`t stay. i should have known i was living in some fucking dream where i actually BELEIVED the things he said to me. what the FUCK WAS I THINKING.
he used to be so amazing. the most incredible person i had ever met.
but he`s immature, and completely unwilling to grow up.
and i should have seen that before i fucking had sex with him and eventually get pregnant. but i was too in love. and now everything is completely fucked up.
he left me for good. alone with the baby. he says he doesn`t love me anymore. that he`s not happy and wants to see other people. wants to live his life because i fucked it up. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT? me. alone. i got myself pregnant. i "FORCED" him.
I DON`T FUCKING THINK THAT IN TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF OUR RELATIONSHIP, THAT IS EVEN A LITTLE BIT BELIEVABLE.
forced him to have sex with me? forced him to be with me?
HE FUCKING WISHES. because then maybe he`d look like less of a dick for leaving me.
and that`s exactly what he`s hoping for.
well FUCK HIM. fuck the lies he tells people to get them on their side, and fuck him for ruining MY life. his life is FINE. he can go on and be happy and date whoever the fuck he wants to while i`m stuck trying to deal with having my heart torn out, and trying to find someone that i actually LIKE, and can fall in love with, who would be willing to raise a baby who isn`t theirs, with me.
he gets the easy part. and i`m left with nothing.
i hope no one wants to date him. i hope he eventually loses everyone around him because he`s too much of a fake prick who lies about literally EVERYTHING. and god knows, sorry to say but i`m not the only one who`s said it, STEPHEN YOUR BAND WILL GO NOWHERE. justin is a good drummer. gord is a good bass player. and you`re good at guitar and song writing. BUT YOU CAN`T SING. you will NEVER BE ABLE TO SING. you can`t carry a fucking tune. and i`ve tried so many times to tell you that nicely, and maybe it would help your band get farther, but whatever. fuck you and your band that you`ll struggle with for your whole life.
maybe someday you`ll grow up and realize that there`s more to life than dreaming that you`re going to be a famous rockstar and you don`t have to take any responsiblities.
whatever. now i`m alone with a broken heart, and a baby who no one will want to deal with. not even it`s own dad wants to deal with it. or me.
i hate him. i hate how i love him. i don`t WANT TO. i want to hate everything about him. i want to find someone else and rub it in his face. i want him to hurt as much as anyone possibly could. i want him to hurt like he hurt me.
he`ll never see the baby. he`ll pay child support, but he`ll never be a part of this baby`s life. it deserves a GOOD DAD. and he`ll never be one.
i`m so scared... ↓
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| Name: Coartney | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 5:28 PM |
| -claps- good. you dont need him. ↑ |
| Name: baby_girl19 | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 5:36 PM |
| i agree with you coartney ↑ |
| Name: mizzescalante | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 5:52 PM |
agree - and dont ever say you wont meet anyone that wont date you because of your child. dino didnt have children before we started dating also never dated anyone with a child so it was all new to him. i didnt introduce them till we were together for 1 month. 1 month might have been a little soon but i knew in my heart he was the one. he had no idea on how to be a parent nor did he act like one till he became a father himself but he accepted my son as his best friend, i couldnt make dino be a father to my son but eventually it came but slowley. they are still best friends and braylan calls him daddy dino. now we have a daughter and everything is great. you will one day find that special one that will accept you and your baby. i am living proof because dino confessed to me that he promised himself that he would NEVER raise or take care of anyother mans child, that he would only have his children and thats it. but he loves braylan like if braylan was his own.
dont rush love, it will come when the time is right. good luck without that ass hole and the hurt will go away i promise. you will one day realize that he was not the guy for you. ↑ |
| Name: lacirrom | Date: Jun 14th, 2007 6:21 PM |
| you don't want to be with some guy that is so worthless he would leave a women while she is pregnant and abandon her and their child....what a worthless prick! you'll find someone eventually who will love you and your baby the way you deserve. and don't worry, you're just upset right now...the love for your baby will be there and you will love it forever more than anything else in the world! ↑ |
| Name: Double_K | Date: Jun 15th, 2007 3:02 AM |
Wow, I wrote something pretty darn close to this when I was pregnant with my first child (I was 19).....I just KNEW the daddy would be with me and that he loved me and I wouldn't have to do it alone.....well, at 3 months pregnant he left and I didn't hear another peep out of him for 2 years! I was mad, I was scared out of my freaking mind, I just kept thinking I screwed up my life so bad!! WELL you know what: I didn't------just take one day at a time...there is tons of help for single moms out there to get you on your feet. I hope your family is involved, I had a good support system there. Just try not to focus on the negative---there is a little person counting on you!
I am sorry about your bf: Most guys are that age are just idiots---they don't see the bigger picture--there is just one thing controling them and its not their brains or hearts. You really don't need him! Please believe that...... ↑ |
| Name: natilly50 | Date: Jun 15th, 2007 1:08 PM |
| i agree too you dont need him or anyone else at the minute the most important thing now is the baby and you x ↑ |
| Name: Jessi R | Date: Jun 15th, 2007 2:48 PM |
You can't predict the future right here in the present.. you never know, someone may come and knock you off your feet and be that baby's light at the end of the tunnel.. everything happens for a reason, you don't want that "boy" in your life if he's going to be treating his own flesh and blood like that. He's gone so that in time you will grow stronger and the love and bond between you and your little one will be unbreakable.. when you least expect it, I'm sure there'll be someone, someday who walks in the picture and makes it clear to you that it all happened for a reason...
Chin up :) ↑ |
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