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I'm really new to this whole thing. it sounds kinda stupid to say that. I don't think anyone really chooses a day of the week to suddenly just start starving themselves and trying to make their lives better. but as experience goes, i don't really have much. this is probably a ridiculous thing to write about but its just so addicting. i can't remember the last time i ate. its been at least 2 days. i've been drinking things, but not a lot. i just think about the extra 100 calories that i'm downing if take another juice. i'm not really writing this for any particular reason. i guess i just want to talk. i've tried for years now to do something. i've turned to a lot of different methods, and they work for a while, but something always happens that turns me back. i just got out of a relationship, and i'm loosing all of my friends because i just can't talk to any of them. none of them understand why i'm doing this for myself. they would all try to ditch me or make me talk to someone who wouldn't understand me either. i don't know that i'm going to be doing this for a long time either, just for a while till i get things under control with life. i'm a dancer and i really want to succeed in it. and i have competitions going on soon and i don't think i can pull through. i'm so scared that someone will see me and say 'look at that fat dancer' and dock my group points and loose the gold. i don't know, i guess i'm just kinda at the point where i'm so deteriorated that i just don't know what to do. i'm just rambling now, but if anyone kinda feels the same way feel free to chat with me. [email protected] ↓
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