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Name: Sasha

[ Original Post ]

I can't stand this anymore. Everytime Id binge and purge I swear its the last time. But it never is. I don't understand why food is such a big deal to me. It's just something you put in your body to give you energy. Not me though i put it in my body so i can throw it up I always think of how long my body will be able to keep up like this. eventually il start puking blood or my esophagus will get holes in it and ill have t o be fed through a tube. I don't understand myself sometimes this disease is sooooooooooooooo complicated and fucked up. This disease is so selfish the only thing i think about is me me me how can I be skinny how can i starve myself for longer periods of time. I hate myself ↓

Name: lucie | Date: Jan 23rd, 2007 10:50 AM

hey sasha don't be so hard on yourself. It is literally out of your control- it is the voice inside that tells you to do it.

I have stopped making myself sick and its a very very hard journey but the thing that made me have to stop was my parents finding out!

lucie ↑

Name: Catwoman | Date: Jan 24th, 2007 7:26 AM

It sounds like you understand the complications if you keep throwing up- it will literally ruin your life! I suggest making a list of all the bad stuff that WILL happen if you keep on doing it. Stick it on your wall or somewhere you can see and everytime you have the urge to binge and purge, look at the list. Maybe even get images that will gross out you so much that will hopefully postpone your bingeing and purging.

I know it sounds like a very easy solution, but I can image how difficult it must be. But I think it's a step forward if you've realised that this devil (whether it's bulimia or anorexia) WILL eventually destroy you! ↑

Name: bex27 | Date: Jan 25th, 2007 8:37 PM

Hey I dont have anorexia but I have been a drug addict where i got my self down to 43kgs without even realising. I put myself thru rehab 5 years ago and now I have 2 beautiful girls and am drug and alcohol free. Do you have any children? Any goals in life that you cant achieve because of your disease? maybe you could focus on small goals with your purging like putting it off longer and longer until you find its time to eat again and you havn't purged? Like I said I dont have this disease and I'm not an expert but if you focus on the future a bit you may start to see a positive side to life that does not include throwing up. Get some support from someone - anyone or maybe look at some intervention. ↑