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Name: hotchip

[ Original Post ]

when i was bulimic . i felt horrible and i knew that it was really bad for me and i wanted to stop. but for some reason now that im restricting i feel like there is something missing. i dont miss purging AT ALL. i hate it . but i miss the feeling i get after i do it . it took away my sadness . its really strange that sensation i would get after purging . and i liked it so much.

it might seem weird but i enjoyed being a mess cause puging seemed to make it all better.

i officially stopped purging august 1st . so its almost been a month.
i have tried to stop before buts its been hard. but now i feel that i can do this.

im feeling better but its like my life seems to "right" for me . like its too good to be true. but in reality its not .

the only things that have changed is my horrible depression . it tortured me day in and day out . i couldnt function. it was bad. and my purging .

i still have those thoughts and im restricting alot . i have already lost 10 lbs. since i stopped purging . and there is nothing stopping me from continuing. ↓

Name: Caera | Date: Aug 31st, 2007 3:55 AM

yea...thats the thought that kinda scares me...like, my goal is 90 and after that i don't rly plan on losing more cuz it would scare everyone too much, but then i ask myself...what do i do when i get there? i wont be able to just start eating normal again, cuz i wont want to risk gaining all of it bak....thus i'll keep restricting myself and i'll only keep losing weight...

anyways good for you! it mustve takin an IMMENSE amt of willpower to do what you did, more than im sure other people have, and i only wish you luck for the future =] ↑

Name: hotchip | Date: Sep 1st, 2007 3:35 AM

oh thanks . i was really hard. but i mean its only been a month . i heard about ppl falling back into after years of not purging . i have to be strong though. im trying...

i never really made a goal weight . i just want to lose weight. im just 5' 2" . prolly the image im thinking would be around 85 .

i get so scared thinking about the next time im going to eat . = [ ↑

Name: Vanny | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 1:15 AM

omg me too (sry i havnt replied in forever btw (its still caera))! i'm always dreading dinnertime when i'll just have to make up another excuse for my parents =[

haha and yea my goal weight's already changed since aug, now its 85 too yaaay

and yes i know you can keep going without purging; personally i can't imagine what the urge must be like cuz i'm emetophobic and have never been able to make myself sick =[ ...how've u been doin with it? have you still not purged?

and wow 10 lbs! i keep fluctuating, which is keeping me from my goal, losing ten lbs sounds amazing....

Vanny

btw the way if you ever wanna talk like about your depression and stuff, you can talk to me anytime ↑

Name: hotchip | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 2:09 AM

= [
just last week i began purging again.
its a coincidence that you wrote back today cause today i stopped again
and well , im going to keep trying

i fluctuated as well since i purged.
and i gained back 5 lbs.
that made me really mad.
but im still restriciting.

me and my best friend both want to lose alot of weight.
and its weird cause me and her always knew that we had problems with eating and want to lose weight even though people tell us we look fine. but just the other day we got everything off our chests and tw im starting a exercise regimen with her. = ]

how about u ? ↑

Name: cherisalorraine | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 3:05 PM

you really need to get medical help from a dietician and a psychologist. you are going to get sicker and sicker the longer you follow this path. please dont continue to do this to your self. there is nothing wrong with being thin but please find a healthy way to do it ↑

Name: Vanny | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 8:06 PM

im restricting a lot too. i'm gonna do my best to fast this week and then next wk my exchange student comes, so i'm gonna have to eat since shes gonna be with me all the time, but as little as i can without anyone getting suspicious.

that definitely helps to have someone (especially ur bff!) with you thats going through the same thing! schweet.

and yes keep trying; maybe that exercise regimen will help to distract the urge to purge (hey that rhymes! lol)

i'm 104 rite now; i hope to be 93 before halloween and 85 sometime in november.

peace!

~Vanny ↑

Name: hotchip | Date: Oct 1st, 2007 10:08 PM

yeah . they only thing is that she is skinnier then me already and well i guess that motivates me .. but at the same time it makes me jealous.

i havent had the urge yet . so today was good. = ]

do you have aim ? ↑

Name: Vanny | Date: Oct 2nd, 2007 12:52 AM

ya! i kno wut u mean! like my friend melamie is an absolute RAIL, and just hanging out with her gives me thinspiration. she's like 83 lbs it makes me so depressed lol.

my aim is macabre91 =] stay strong! ↑