Hi everyone,
I just needed to come here and talk with other moms. I am so angry and so sad at the same time.
My hubby kicked our daughter out tonight - she is not quite 17will be Dec 19th. Let me try to make a long story short- Her dad and I have been togeather since we were very young- I am 33 and hubby is 37- but we have been a strong family since day one- up until the last 2 yrs really. Not on our part because we have always shown love and discipline to our daughter- we let her start to date when she was 16 - It seems as though when we started to let her date and since she has been in the highschool her whole attitude has changed- she walks around and says she bipolar- says she is just kidding but I tell ya she gives off a pretty bad attitude and the mouth on her recently it is terrible and really this all amounts to how disrespectful she is with her mouth towards her dad and me too- and at times the things she says to her 12 yr old brother it is just sad. She says things like suck my dick- and fuck you and addresses us as dudes not mom and dad- I mean yes she does say mom and dad but not all the time. Also too it has come to my attention she is very controlling in her relationships - with her friends that are girls but also too the few boys she has dated too. With her it is like her way or no way at all. I mean a part of me is happy to know she can be strong person- but then I get scared too for her because her mouth. That is what broke the camels back tonight with her dad- she was disrepectful and as I stated she has been like this now for about 2 yrs and my hubby said K (to me) I have had enough- because enough is enough- we provide for her and we are here for her- she takes much of what we do for granted like it is always gonna be there- ya know? actually she does act kinda spoiled but if we ever spoiled her with anything it was with LOVE but not with everything she has ever wanted...Anyhow I forget to mention she has been talking about the day she can move out that has been talked about too for the last 2 yrs- she says things like why can't you just let me learn so mabey I want to learn the hard way- well so tonight she had a disagreement with her dad was very disrepectful and he said you can just pack your stuff and go- let ya find out what the real world is about girl...he said your my daughter and I love you but I am not having this in my house- this disrespect- now you can find out the hard way! - ---- Moms out there I was trying to be supportive the best I could but found myself breaking down balling so hard- worrying about her all at the same time - what if this happens and what if that......Only one good thing out of this - is the person she called to pick her up is a good young man- she dated him 2 times he has a good head on his shoulders- he knows we love her so much - but he also knows how disrespectful she has been to us. THe first thing he said when he walked in the door to our Daughter is Jamie you sure you want to do this- because he knows what it is like trying to live on your own. SO if anything I thank God that he was the one that picked her up and hopefully can talk sense into her head. Then again mabey she does have to learn the hard way- but it really scares me - see here I go again the water works - Dam ya know she is my kid and I gave birth to her and I feel like she is screwing up her life- What is a mom to do???? please any advice with anyone with similar situations or even a young girl that was kicked out too can reply- all i know she had it made here - all we wanted was respect and no cussing and bad talk constantly....please respond anything is appreciated. ↓
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| Name: marija | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 6:28 AM |
Hi Katherine..strange this i was just about to post something similar.
I kicked my daughter out about a month ago because of that same thing DISRESPECT. I got tired of walking on eggshells and talking to her about her behaviour with her siblings. We have a large family and since my two older stepsons have left home she has been at the top of the pack and has been abusing that position. She has nothing nice to say to anyone she grunted at me and her dad. Like you this behaviour has been building for at least a year. She has gone from being a polite, bubbly teen to a sulky, abusive and smug young woman. I can pinpoint the moment it started going downhill to a single friend. (this friend lived with her grandmother was the only child there, had money of her own (alot of it) and was allowed to date and go to parties from 14years onwards) this girl i though was nice and i got on very well with her grandmother, so warning bells werent ringing until it was to late to break off the friendship ! She nearly always got everything she wanted and than one day about two months ago she was told that she wouldnt be going to a particular party as i did not know the kids and it was going to be unsupervised. Well she lost the plot smashed her bedroom up and called me and everyone else who even looked at her ...every name under the sun. ENOUGH i told her to pack her bags and go and find another family to abuse. She organised with my brother if she could stay there, (i dont get on with my brother) she has been there 4 weeks now (the longest most heartbreaking weeks of my life) She wants to come home, my husband wants her home but i dont want her back...yet I want respect and i know that she is a child still but she hurt me really badly and i am not about to let this become a new game for her. She hasnt apologised and i wont tell anyone its what im waiting for because i feel she should know and understand where it all went wrong and when she does she will know what im waiting for. The waiting is horrible but i feel that you have to make a stand to show her that her behaviour has hurt everyone and it wont be taken lightly...even if it means me having to cry everytime someone mentions her name.
I have it easier than you in the fact that she is staying with family and believe me i couldnt be happier that she is with that particular brother...everything in his house is his way or your out...so i know she will be suffering as she has always been able to do as she wants and my sister has been on her case about what happened so i also know she wasnt treated like porcelain when she got there.
i hope your daughter comes back soon and a better person for it, i know thats what i want for mine.
If you would like to talk about it some more you can email me at
[email protected]
chin up i hope you feel better soon ↑ |
| Name: Katherine1 | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 3:21 PM |
Hi Marija,
I am so sorry to hear about your dilema. I pray that your child will come to her senses too. It is so hard these days, It is like you blame yourself and ask where did I go wrong? But you know I am realizing like my husband said alot of the way our daughter is being right now- either she will change her attitude and come home and give us the respect we deserve as her parents- or she will find out the hard way. My hubby tried to make me feel better last night by saying "K" think about this...if this is the way Our daughter wants to behave and she does not realized what her actions and disrespect are doing to all of us around her- and not to mention the fact she has talked about leaving for the past 2 yrs- then either she is gonna do this now or when she leaves at 18- --- well My hubby just called and said - I want an answer today before I get home- he said I am giving her a chance to rectify herself either she will be home before I get home and we shall go from there or if she is not home before I get home then that is my answer- she is fully aware so I guess that is that. I am still really sad- because I know that she can be very disrespectful yet her and her dad are so alike they clash ya know. I just keep praying. And I will pray for you too and that your daughter gets her head set on straight and comes back home with a better attitude. Thank you so much for posting- what you posted helps me to know that there is another mom out there that understands what I am going through. God Bless you sweety and take care- and yes I will email you soon. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Nov 15th, 2006 11:43 PM |
good luck Katherine,
I do know one small comfort and thats... we are not alone by a long shot!!.
You see it happen to someone else and really the only thing you can do is cross your fingers that it wont happen to you! when it does...its like someone has hit you with a plank of wood. You think you have been a great mother and would do absolutely anything for your kids and they grow up and throw all of that back at you as if it were nothing, i think thats what hurts the most, the fact that your love isnt good enough. ↑ |
| Name: madi | Date: Nov 16th, 2006 2:14 AM |
Hi Katherine,
I'm not certain if your still reading any helpful ideas about your teenage problem so I'll be brief and if your still interested then I will elaborate on my situations. I've been to hell and back with the rotten attitudes, gutter talk, disrespectfulness, you name it.
I will tell you the crap began when he turned 15 and went on for many yrs. He's now 33 yrs. old and the best husband and father you could ask for. I was the one who made the rules so he hated me. I also have dealt with kids at a high school and earned their respect. I used tough love, no one taught me how to do a thing. I wasn't about to let our son whom we loved dearly rule our home. He got along with his dad great, had a happy home, I'm married now 38 yrs. Like I said I don't know whats going on now with you so if you want some pointers let me hear from you. ↑ |
| Name: granny2be | Date: Nov 17th, 2006 1:03 AM |
| I didn't get kicked out, I CHOSE to move in with my BF (now husband) when I was 17 and pregnant. Had to grow up fast. Best of luck for you and her both, I know it has to be tearing you up inside. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Nov 20th, 2006 12:29 AM |
| Katherine1,It wasn't right for your husband to kick her out like that. She is still under 18 and you are still responsible for her. I hope nothing happens to her. Have you heard from her at all yet? You should look for her and bring her back home where she belongs. I know she should be more respectful but she is still a minor. Kicking her out really isn't a choice until she is 18. Go find her and hope she is o.k. ↑ |
| Name: tweetybird4 | Date: Nov 29th, 2006 2:45 PM |
| Hi Madi---I'd like to talk more with you, if you are willing. I, too, am struggling with my 13 year old, who thinks that what his step-dad and I say is b.s. Yet, his father does nothing but condone his behavior. In fact, he is constantly telling him that he doesn't have to listen to us by saying to the children, "Just who the hell we think we are." Well, I say, I'm still your mother and you will give us the respect we deserve. I have other siblings inside the home that don't treat me the way my 13 year old does. Yet, once again, the father does nothing but badger all three of our kids. He thinks he's Mr. Wonderful and tries to be Disneyland Dad by letting do whatever it is they want to do with no responsible parenting skills. My son worships the ground his dad walks on. There no room for reasonable thinking with either of them. So, how do you complete with another adult, who twists and tries to change every responsilbe moral you are trying to teach your children? Unfortunately, I'm to the point that I'm willing to let my son go live with his dad permanently. Both him and his dad and have stated to me repeatly that I am doing nothing but making him hate me which is going to last forever. I provide strict rules so the children won't get hurt or make serious mistakes down the road. Yet, I try to be fair across the board with all of them. No one gets special treatment. My daughter gets more priviledges than her 13 year old brother because he lies and has a deceitful attitude. When I ground my daughter from internet time on the computer, her father will take her to her grandmother's house, who will give her the time because they disagree with my decisions. They feel I'm being too harsh. Maybe I'm being too protective but the punishments usually don't last very long. It's one thing to have a rebellious teenager but it's another when you have to deal with an immature adult. A judge awarded me custody of my son at least until May 2007 which I'm sure the father will try for a custody change again. My son has done nothing but fight this household and I have a strong feeling things will only get worse. If he's being vocal now, what's he going to be like when he gets older? Another problem I have is hoping that my 7 year old son doesn't follow the 13 year old's footsteps. Lately, I've noticed a slight change in his behavior, too. I realize that the older children get the more vocal they become. I just hope and pray that all my efforts will pay off one day. Any suggestions?????? ↑ |
| Name: Yawmom | Date: Dec 2nd, 2006 11:21 PM |
wow--lots of talk.
I didn't have the disrespect as far as name calling or any of that. My son skipped school, wouldn't get a job and was hanging around the wrong crowd. I had given him plenty of chances, plenty of warnings and finally had to do the tough love.
I kicked him out, with the option of either finishing school or getting a job he was more than welcomed to come home. He was angry when he left, I prayed and cried all the time. I swear it's harder on the parent than the kid. Well, he's been gone for a year but he does pop in and we hug. He hasn't grown up yet, still ok going from place to place bumming around.
I get very depressed, yet I know I made the right choice since we haven't chased him out of our lives. We only want the best for him , actually want it more than he does.
Teenagers and disrespect go hand in hand, to a point. I've got another older boy and he rarely gives me trouble.
You can remind her that you don't treat her the way she treats you--mutual respect has to be maintained. Hang in there, kids know you love them. Keep the communication open. And even when you want to reprimand them do a mutual respect for each other...although acknowleding there are rules to be followed.
All you can do is love them, try to reason, talk and talk, pray and try to keep the door open. Although he's not home we do have a better relationship than when he was. I'm hoping that someday everything will "click" and he'll have to face life the way it is. ↑ |
| Name: ConFusEd.TeEn.MoM2be | Date: Jan 7th, 2007 9:05 AM |
| hi im 15 and my mom has kicked me out and i also have ran away..thats why im pregnant now.Sorry to tell you but getting kicked out might of been what your daughter wanted since she so eagerly to move out.Im a teenager and i can say that im probably disrespectful half the time, Its becuase i just want to do what i want, i dont want to listen to nobody rules. the only thing i could probably say is get your duaghter home and keep her home dont kick her out it wont solve nothing it may make the situation worse, find a family member she can go to when she gets like this and u cant take it any more ↑ |
| Name: babey_g_311 | Date: Jan 12th, 2007 10:41 AM |
| I was 16 when my step dad kicked me out.....although he kicked me out cuz I called the cops on him for beating my mom.....but anywho getting out of that environment made my life sooooo much better, now im 20, married to a wonderful guy, we're expecting our first baby girl any day now, I have a 3.75 gpa in college, we have a nice place and 2 nice vehicles.....we're doing better at our age than some 30 or 40 year olds are,lol......although it doesnt always turn out that way sometimes it does.....just thought maybe if you come back and read this it might make ya feel a little better to hear a positive story or for other moms in a similar situation ↑ |
| Name: when they grow up | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 12:46 AM |
I know that it may be really tough for all you moms right now… but I want to let you know that if you stick it out you will not regret it. I am 23 and about to graduate from university (with straight As), I am getting married this fall and can not be happier!
When I was a teenager I caused my parents hell. What your kids have done is nothing compared to what I did. But my parents never gave up, they never kicked me out (although I was almost sent to military school and had bars put on my window to keep me from sneaking out). Most of my friend’s parents gave up on them, they got kicked out or their parents just quit caring and let them do what ever they wanted. I was the only one of my friends to graduate high school, enter university, turn 20 without having a child (most have 2 or 3 now).
I know that being a parent is tough. It must really suck to have a kid like me, but you know what, if you stick it out, your kid will turn into a really great adult and you will have a great relationship with them. TRUST ME!! MY fiancé was kicked out when he was a kid and if the stories he has from his teenage years are heartbreaking. You kids may have done some bad things, but they do not deserve for you to give up on them. Being a parent isn’t like being married, you can’t just get a divorce because it is getting tough… when it is tough you need to stick it out. I pray for each and every one of your children and hope that you will realize that the decision to kick them out will influence the rest out their lives. ↑ |
| Name: PosersNFakes | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 9:33 PM |
| i like willys they r cool ↑ |
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