| Name: nat | Date: Jul 19th, 2006 9:37 PM |
| hi im 14 and i wear skirts and tops that show abit of my belly but ur daughter is going well past it tell her she needs to wear clothes that area curtain lengh take her out shopping and if she doesnt tell her shes not going out or when shes at skool or owt through her clothes away you dont want her wearing or dont give her money to go shopping with xxx hope this helps xxx if not mi addies [email protected] lol i no im abit to young but oh wel just trana hope xx ↑ |
| Name: Sarah M | Date: Jul 20th, 2006 3:16 PM |
| You get those lcothes and throw them out everytime she gets them you are her mother and why she is under your roof you can tell her what she can wear or not and if she doesnt like it then reffer her to a program for teens who are dressing provacative because she is in danger doing that with all the weirdos out there ↑ |
| Name: Lauren | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 5:02 PM |
| The first part isn't really that unusual but sneaking out could be dangerous. You need to let her know it's very naughty and for that you need consequences. Next time I'd have to suggest you think about giving her a smacked bum. 13 isn't really too old for it. When I smacked Emma she was mainly concerned with exposing her front to me, so I let her wear a little thong and just smacked the bared bit. This works because you can use the threat that if she wriggles around, the panties come right down. ↑ |
| Name: Shauna | Date: Jul 23rd, 2006 5:15 PM |
| At age 13 you should have control over her money, how she gets around, and what she wears. I would say give her "big girl" clothes to charity and take her shopping for age appropriate clothes. Try to meet her in the middle. I wore heels at that age, but I was very short and still am very short. Mini-skirts should be a definate no-no. Belly tops, mixed with pants should be okay. Heels with normal length skirts and sweaters, things like that. The only people who would enjoy seeing a 13 year old dressed in clothes like that are people who belong in prison and horny little boys. As for sneaking out...tell her you will start sleeping in her room with her if you have to. ↑ |
| Name: FASHION ALERT | Date: Jul 26th, 2006 7:56 AM |
| Hello, haven't you heard? LONG shirts are in now? Mini skirts? No way! Those half skirt half pants are in.. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Aug 6th, 2006 7:35 PM |
| She's only wearing what you're ALLOWING her to!!!! YOU DO have the power to change that you know!!!!!!!!! Believe it or not but 13 IS still considered a kid the last time I checked! Be a strong parent not a pushover (big sister)! ↑ |
| Name: bladerunnerx16 | Date: Aug 10th, 2006 12:16 AM |
go out with her wearing that kind of stuff and wear it when you are picking her up from school, friends house, whatever.
If she says your embarassing her, say now you know how I feel! ↑ |
| Name: loveguide | Date: Aug 14th, 2006 6:34 PM |
| set limits. you are not a bad mom for doing that. and remind her that its her choice you just want her to make the right one. you are the mom, shes only 13 and you have control over her. if you need any more help just email me at [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: sally24 | Date: Aug 16th, 2006 3:17 PM |
| You said her father gives her money first you don't talk but this seems a matter of importance , I would talk to your ex so he knows exactly were his money is going perhaps he won't be so eager to give her more , you can't do this parenting thing alone if your ex is involved then you need to parent together. Second she is 13 how is she getting around ? do you live within walking distance of the mall ? a bus system? if this is not the case then the freinds mothers that are driving her to the mall need to be informed and if she is having freinds drive her to the mall she does not need to be hanging out with people that old. Have you tried to sit down and talk to your daughter when you are both calm and not pissed off at each other and explain to her why it is not appropriate for her to dress this way and why she feels she needs to ? ↑ |
| Name: Ryan | Date: Aug 30th, 2006 7:29 AM |
I am curI am a 39 year old father of a 16 year old son and a 20 year old daughter. I am also a college student and am currently writing an essay on normal teenage rebellion. Through conducting a lot of research on the subject in the past few weeks I have run across many cases just like you describe with your daughter. I have also read through a lot of the “advice” people have offered you here. I must say, and I do not mean to offend anyone, but most of them seem to be way off base from what “the experts” suggest on the subject. I also take into account my own experiences as a parent of teens, my own recollection of being a teen, and last but not least good old common sense.
Your daughter is suffering from what can only be called “NTS” (Normal Teenager’s Syndrome). It’s a very serious condition that, if not treated properly, can have catastrophic consequences, not only for her, but for everyone living in the household.
Okay, don’t panic, I made all of that up; even the NTS. But if there were a more appropriate name for it, I haven’t heard it. You daughter is doing exactly what teens are supposed to do. She is rebelling against the rules; your and societies. This is the time in her life when she is experimenting and trying to find who she is, where she fits in, and who she will ultimately become. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Okay, I know in your eyes there is, but you have to ask yourself a few key questions. Is she really doing anything that is hurting herself? Is she failing in school? Does she have friends? Do you know her friends? Does she drink or do drugs?
Imagine that she wakes up tomorrow and dresses exactly how you would like to see her dressed. Has this changed anything else about her other than her appearance? What I mean is, does the way she dresses, make her a bad person, student, friend, or daughter? Mom, I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that if you want to raise your child into a perfectly happy, healthy, and well adjusted adult, you’re going to have to go with the flow for a few years. Her tastes in clothing, music, friends, etc… will most likely change several times over the next few years. Some of these changes are going to be tough for you to take. The good news is that if you are supportive, and truly listen to her feeling, desires, needs, etc…, she will no doubt grow out of it. If you try and take things away from her that she sees as important, she will no doubt rebel all that much harder. You need to start letting her make some of her own decisions, and let her know you trust her decisions. As long as she isn’t putting herself or anyone else in your home in danger, then you really don’t need to intervene. She is expressing her need to start the process of becoming independent. It’s a process that takes a few years, and will result in her making many mistakes. She will need to know that she must take responsibility for the consequences of her mistakes, but as her trust builds for you and yours for her, you’ll see that there is really nothing so wrong with letting her make some of these decisions for herself. She will come out the other end of the teen years perfectly fine. Talk to her about your concerns about her clothing, but most important, listen to what she has to say on the subject. She needs to start the process of growing up and not needing you, but at the same time she needs to know you are there (sort of standing by for support).
I wish I had more time, because I have oodles of incite on this very subject. Just keep in mind that the key to it all is giving her “some” leeway to make her own decisions, show her you trust her, and always be there to not only communicate with her but to let her communicate with you. Remember to pick your battles; if it’s not negeatively effecting her health, safety, and school work, then you may want to lighten up on the rule and negotiate a solution that works for both of you. Best of luck to you and your family. ↑ |
| Name: rain | Date: Aug 30th, 2006 8:49 AM |
| I do find your advice interesting, I don’t think Julia is here anymore, this post was from April, but, you did not say anything about setting boundaries and rules. You only spoke about going with the flow. I don’t think a 13 year old should dress in tube tops and mini skirts. She is obvious trying out her newly issued sexuality. And it is up to us as parents to help lead her in the best direction. This is not just about being like everyone else. As mothers and fathers we have to teach young girls to rein in that need to flaunt to much. Yes, we have to understand their need to dress their own way, but only if it is decent. ↑ |
| Name: ryis36 | Date: Aug 30th, 2006 11:18 PM |
Like I said, I wish I’d had more time. The issue is much more complicated I'm sure. And I agree with you about the boundaries. But, when dealing with teens on issues of clothing, hairstyles, music, and anything else that won't kill them, the boundaries should be discussed and agreed upon between the parents and the teen. For a parent to tell someone who is trying to find their own sense of self and have a hand in setting their own rules, "No it's not acceptable, so the answer is just no," isn't going to get them very far. They will accomplish nothing more than lack of mutual respect and trust between them. Then you have a teen that won't share anything of themselves with the parent because they see the parent as unreasonable and someone who can't be trusted with inside information. The parents need to sit down with the teen and negotiate rules, boundaries, and consequences that are acceptable to all. It's a give and take for both the parents and the child, but typically when the teen is deeply involved in the process, they feel they matter, that they are respected, and they are more likely to give respect. Studies show that when rules and consequences are negotiated between the parents and the teens, teens will bend quite a bit on what they will except, and oddly enough, even accept stiffer consequences when the rules aren't followed. It's important that the rules are negotiated, are very clear to both parent and teen, and that the penalties are understood up front and adhered too. Once the rules and consequences are in place, it’s important that everyone sticks to them. Parents that later give in or make the penalties less harsh than agreed upon, risk teaching their child that there are always ways around rules and consequences, thus undermining the child’s self respect and respect for others.
That's all the time I have for now boys and girls, but I look forward to checking back,
Ryan ↑ |
| Name: MollyO | Date: Aug 31st, 2008 3:52 AM |
Well, on the subject of belly shirts, I've heard of some mothers who, if they're daughters insist on showing their bellies, tickle their girls' stomachs as punishment. My daughter once bought a belly shirt without my knowing when she was about 15 and tried to walk out of the house with about 8 inches of her stomach showing, so I gave it a shot. I had her lie down on the couch and held her arms above her head with one hand and tickled her with the other hand. amazingly, it worked. she hasn't tried wearing those kinds of shirts again! (i suppose this only works if your daughter's stomach is insanely ticklish like mine). it's not physical punishment and it's effective, so if she tries it again, i won't hesitate to act the same way.
Give it a shot if you still have problems. ↑ |
| Name: tracycaldwell | Date: Sep 9th, 2008 12:20 AM |
| I like MollyO's idea of getting the girl down and tickling that exposed tummy until she goes out of her mind. I'll bet that is a very effective way of getting her to understand that showing off her bare tummy is not such a good idea. I have a friend who did something similar with her 14-year-old stepdaughter after the girl went against her parents' wishes and got her navel pierced. My friend got the girl down and ticked her right in the belly button for about 15 minutes. The girl happens to be horribly ticklish on the tummy and in the navel, and so it really got the point across. ↑ |
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