Yes, as an EMO i do naturally have problems with life but recently, its a bit over the top. Id like to know your point of view and how i could make the situation better ...
At first, my father left when i was at the age of 5. After leaving, he tried to kill my mother and kidnap me from school (god thanks the school didnt let me out).
I am german and live in gran canaria (spain) since exaclty 11 years and go to an english private school.
Because of the fact that i am german, ALL people in school have been leaving me out, insulting me and bein mean since i am actually 4.
Now i am 15 years old and in there past 11 years, i have had 3 friends as everyone is continuously excluding me. Since a while i have also got problems with people having a go at me because i am emo and because of the music i listen to. Teachers are constantly winding me so high up i just want to run away and die.
Example: 4 months ago, we had a new girl in class and she sat next to me in English lessons because she knew no one and my teacher said: You shouldnt sit next to that girl, she is a bad influence and has mental problems (WTF what am i doin?? that teacher didnt even know me that time and aleready made his mind up about me). My french teacher is constantly screaming at me because i dont understand it. He thinks i should ask him if i dont understand certain things but as soon as i DO ASK, he feels like giving me a detention. My school director is constantly getting mad at me because of my clothes (we have school uniform ... thats mad!). i dont know what his problem is but he has given me 5 detentions in ONE day!!! apparently its because of the way i talk, behave, act and so on. i even got a detention once for my handwriting!!!!!!! I get batteries thrown in my face in the bus, i get chewin gums thrown at me, i get people battering my head on the bus windows but if i tell the teachers/director, they say they will talk to the other students but what happens? nothing!
In school, people are constantly insulting me as a Nazi, the daughter of hitler and even calling me things like slut and bitch.
how can i cope with this? my mother doesnt let me change school and she doesnt listen to what i tell her.
i dont get on with my mother either. As soon as i reach home, she asks weather im SAD! I mean is she listening to me when i tell her what people do to me in school? She is telling me to ignore the others but how am i going to ignore people bashing my head on the windows? I have once locked myself into a school bathroom for 5 hours and when i came out, no one had sympathy/empathy or even tried to calm me down, no ... everyone screamed at me!!
my mum has now got a new boyfriend who is giving me orders and bein totally mean.
My mom doesnt care what i do, im locked in my room the whole day because shes being happy with her boyfriend.
Please help im seeking tips/info because i really feel like suiciding and i cant cope!
if i dont do anything at all, my mother screams at me and if i DO do something, its either wrong, badly done or i wasnt supposed to even have touched it.
The other day i screamed at my mother to leave me alone and stop enclosing me away from my friends (ive only got few anyways) and then she slapped me! My mother has aleready slapped me a couple of times and even hit me in the sides. I dont want to talk to my mother because she gets mad at me and makes things worse. If i dont talk to my mother, she screams at me too.
When i was younger and used to cry, my mother said: if you keep on crying, youre in serious trouble!
i cant cope with life no more because in school everyone is being mad at me and as soon as i reach home, im being screamed at!
No, my mother does not know im emo and she doesnt know what emo is.
i hate my mother taking decisions without including me and so, i HAVE to do what my mother decides and if i dont, she will take my pc, television and everything out of my room and lock the door!!!
help ... ↓
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| Name: tattudemom | Date: Apr 29th, 2007 3:33 PM |
As a mom myself and someone who was emo (depressed growing up) before there was such a term, I just want to give you a big hug and tell you there is hope. I'm not so sure your mom doesn't know you are emo even if she doesn't call it that. It sounds like if she's asking you about sadness and threatening you if you cry, she realizes you're depressed but handling it wrong. She might not be able to relate if she's never felt the way you do, so she thinks like so many others do that if you hit it head on, it'll go away, such as when she tells you to ignore the kids, don't cry, etc. I've had people tell me much the same thing all my life. My grandmother has even told me if I put on makeup that it would make me feel better! I tell her unless I go around looking in the mirror, how is that supposed to make me feel any differently?! She has good intentions, but is totally oblivious to what I'm feeling.
I understand why you'd not want your PC taken if that's one source of socializing. You're still young enough to have to put up with bull for a while longer. But, in the meantime, have you sat down and written your mom a letter describing exactly what you've written here? She may get the full picture if you do so whereas she only hears bits and pieces if you try to talk. Tell her exactly what you're feeling, even down to being suicidal. Tell her you need real help, not being told to get over it. Tell her you need counseling if you think that would help, antidepressants, a change in school, more freedom to have your few friends over, whatever it is you think might help. Tell her she should be your biggest advocate and you're asking her as your protector and the one who should love you most and convey just how unhappy you are. If that doesn't make her realize, I don't know what else to tell you except that it might feel good to get the emotions out and if you get in trouble, at least it would be worth it to speak your mind. Otherwise, I'd focus on your few friendships (which you're lucky to have if they're real ones). Sit towards the front of the room in class and on the bus if you can to avoid sneaky brats hurting you. Try to focus on the tasks at hand in school to get through the day, and if you need to come here and/or to other sites for cyber support, do so daily. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help from this distance, but know that I know where you're coming from. I wasn't separated physically from any groups in school because I faked it enough to fit in. My problem was that in my mind I was lonely and depressed even in a crowd and self-medicated until I was old enough to get real help from a doctor. If your feelings are based on your social inadequacies, medicine might not help, but therapy would. Feel free to email me at [email protected] any time you want. Sometimes just having someone to talk to can make a difference. Take care. ↑ |
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