I just need to vent.
I am currently 11 weeks pregnant. Here is my story.
I dated the same guy all threw high school from when I was 16-21. We were living together and we split up soon after my 21st birthday which was in April of 2009. It was a very mutual clean break up. I would see him around here and there , we would talk but not much. He would stop by to see my parents usually when I was not around. There really were no feelings left for each other. At the time of our break up we both had just had enough.
Well in December, we had what I will call a few rekindlings.
Needless to say my expected period for January of 2010 never came.
I called him a few days after I had a confirmed blood test and told him we needed to talk. He took the news pretty well. He was shocked as was I but he was "okay" .
Its funny I know what we did so I know this sounds stupid when I say it but I never thought that I would get pregnant. We were together all those years, hardly ever used condoms and I never got pregnant. I don't know, I guess all happens for a reason.
In the beginning he was very good and supportive about it. Almost excited I would say. He would spend a lot of time with me. Help me out , bring me food. Whatever I wanted. Said how he wanted to work stuff out get a place this and that. I wasn't ready to just jump on board because I never thought it was necessary to be together just because we were going to have a baby together. BUT I was willing to try. What could it hurt?
HA if I only knew. He has done nothing but make me absolutely miserable and fill my head with lies. He says he is going to do this and that.. Spend time with me at this time and never does. There is always some kind of lame excuse and everything is always my fault. He aurgues with me . It hurts me so bad some nights I literally cry for five hours strait. Ive never been so miserable in my entire life. I feel so alone. I know at times i am irrational and make a big deal out of things that I shouldn't. But I liteally can not help it. I think these hormones make me partially CRAZY plus I had to give up my beer (which I had a pretty strong habit of drinking,) my pack a day of cigarettes and my anti depressant pills. Giving up all that stuff is enough to make a normal person wacky let alone a pregnant person. SO considering all Im going threw I think im pretty reasonable.
My friends tell me to just say the hell with him and not speak to him. THATS what I want to do but its so hard. The thought of spending the next 6 months of my life life this is horrifying. I hate that I have to do this alone, I hate that no one understands. I ESPECIALLY HATE how vulnerable I have become. I formally was the strongest person I know. I never let anyone treat me like crap, I didnt take crap from anyone. I just feel like he takes every thing from me I have.
On top of having emotional issues like this. im sick too nauseated , headaches , so tiered . I literally feel like im burning out and im only 11 weeks in.
This wouldnt be so bad if I just knew what to expect from day to day. I hate the lies and trickery . I just dont know what to do.
Final note * Im not trying to whine and complain I know if I didnt want to get pregnant I should have made wiser decisions. I made the choices I made, and there was no way I was going to abort it. Im simply just venting about how miserable Ive been so far. WHen this baby comes however its all about him/her. I dont care how he acts its only his loss. This child will never know how nasty his daddy was or how hurt he made me. Im going to do my best to raise this child to have a happy warm childhood to look back on, like I did. ↓
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