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Hi everyone! I need some advice here. I am usually one the divorced family forum, but tonight I am about to enter single motherhood. My fiance and I have a 10 month old son. He also has a son and another possible child. The ex was seeing someone else when she got pregnant, but would only sign divorce papers if he agreed to pay childcare expenses for both children. Over $200 per week during the school year and more because of summer daycare for both children. I just found out that I was pregnant again and he wants to have another baby, but thinks that it is best right now to have an abortion because of financial reasons. He has lyme's disease and is getting sicker by the day. I haven't brought much into the household since our son was born, but I told him tonight over the phone that I am having 2nd thoughts about his wishes. He told me to keep the baby, but he wanted me to sign a paper that states that if we break up he is not responsible for the care of that child. Of course I flipped out. I told him then he shouldn't be paying his ex either. Now I feel like he wants an abortion because of the two children he has from his ex. I don't think I should have to agree to not have a child because of his other "obligations". The truth is, we both wanted another baby, just not right now because of our financial situation. I wanted to explore how we could make this work with another baby. I feel like I am going to end up on my own with 2 small children. My 1st pregnancy was tough because he was out every night and I felt neglected. At this moment I am very angry. I am the only caregiver to our son and already feel like a single mother. Any advice? ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 26th, 2007 5:53 PM |
| Have the baby and hit his sorry ass up for financial support for you and the kids!!!! If he can take care of her kids he can certainly take care of his own with you!!!! His suggestion to you is nothing short of a slap in the face in my opinion! I'd make his ass pay dearly!!!!! In fact I'd make him sweat a little and tell him it's TWINS!!!!! :) ↑ |
| Name: RachelL | Date: Feb 26th, 2007 7:04 PM |
| I dont know about having the baby and trying to take him for child support. Because he can always sign his rights away. And you would be stuck with the 2 babies by yourself neways. ↑ |
| Name: JESSE | Date: Feb 27th, 2007 1:26 PM |
| Thank you for the advice. I am afraid that I will regret not having this child, right now, I think I might end up leaving him anyway, and I know it will be hard, but I shouldn't have to be making this decision based on him being an ass, because I will resent him for the rest of my life. Rachell, you are so right. If he can take care of her kids, he should be able to take care of mine. Then he tells me that he is going to go for custody of them. That was a slap in my face. I told said to him, why is it she can have her kids and I can't have mine? My worry is who is going to take care of my son when I can't. I don't have anyone to help me. Not even him. You can't force a person to take care of a baby when they say that they don't even have time for themselves. I really wish I could move away and never have to see him again at this point. I am so angry. ↑ |
| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 27th, 2007 3:11 PM |
| Jesse do you have relatives that live away someplace you could go stay with to get away from him and who would be able and willing to help you? ↑ |
| Name: webmaster | Date: Feb 27th, 2007 3:53 PM |
May I say first that bringing a child into this world is a great responsibility that should be an agreement upon both parents. This does not happen alot of times these days though. May I suggest that a more stable relationship be established first. No disrespect intended. I say this because infants and children suffer emotionally the most from broken homes from their childhood and into early adulthood. There are support matters, custody, visitation
issues for 21 years! Then to follow, parenting indifferences, lifestyle indifferences, etc. I could go on and on. This is why I simply suggest a more stable foundation in the relationship, financial would be second. I hope this helps. I personally hate seeing my 3 children upset when their mother doesn't make a visit or call. My daughter who is 11 years old crys her eyes out for hours sometimes. All because I did not establish a stable foundation within the relationship that was rocky when she was discovered in the womb. Now all three of my children suffer due to my mistake. Good Luck. ↑ |
| Name: bjl07 | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 4:56 PM |
First, in response to webmaster's post, there are very few of us that would have rather our mothers chose to abort us, and not given us a chance to live. No matter what the circumstance, there are so many people who rise above tough childhoods and make it just fine. The decision to have the baby needs to focus on that baby, not a guy who hasn't done the right thing in other situations.
Have you ever heard of a pregnancy resource center or pregnancy care center in your area? These are places that can provide not only materials support to you, everything from furniture to diapers, but the women there can be there for you emotionally, too. The worst is feeling like you are in it alone. Just knowing that someone is there with you along the way can help so much. These centers are not just for single Moms. Many of them provide parenting classes. They may even be able to provide you with a free ultrasound, depending on the center. There is a number you can call to find the closest center to you, it is 1-800-395-HELP, or their website is www.pregnancycenters.org. I am also here for you!
Let us know how you are. Yes, this isn't how you planned it to be, but lots of life is like that. You aren't deciding whether to be a mother, you already are.
Listen to your gut, don't ever feel pressured to get rid of the baby. There is a new human in existence now, never here before and never will be again. The heartbeat started at 21 days. Not many people realize that. Letting this child live, and even giving it up for adoption, is a decision that is life-giving. You are giving that person life. ↑ |
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