Hi,
I am 23 years old and just found out I am pregnant. I am almost 8 weeks. I have to obvisously make a decision soon about what I am going to do. I am in an odd situation. Just to give you some background, I live a guy however we arent dating. We were dating for 5 years and broke up 1 yr and half ago, we were actually engaged. We have lived together since then, we even moved from Mississippi to Maryland together, and we have still continued to live together. We have separate rooms but we still sleep together. Infact we really act like a couple but we aren't. So I got up the courage to finally tell him that I was pregnant, and he wanted me to get an abortion. I have had an abortion in the past but, I dont want to have one again, I can't put myself through that. I want to keep it but that isnt a reality for me either. He said if I keep it he will move out in 6 months (why 6 months I don't know maybe trying to scare me into an abortion that he will leave me I don't know). If he does not only will I be by myself (my family lives almost 2000 miiles away), it will be an even bigger finiancial burden than I can carry. Not to mention the emotional heartbreak of him leaving me and turning into some guy I never thought he would be. Plus, I will have to figure out how to afford daycare ect.... Moving home isnt an option. So now I just need to figure out what I need to do. If I get rid of it the stress and worry is gone but, then I have to live the decision and the depression. Its only something I have to deal with and he doesnt even have to think about. It so cut and dry four him he can pay 400.00 and his problem is gone, and he can still go on the way we have been. He thinks I am trying to trap him into staying with me and I am not. I do eventually want to move out have my own place and my own life. I want to date and get married and have all of this with someone else. I don't want him to stay with me forever, but I would like him to be there for me and help me through this, not only emotionally but also financially. With my job I barely have any time and while my work is great they would let me work from home if I need or wanted to and that might be an option I could look at to save me 1200 a month in daycare. I wouldn't want to work from home but, I would love to be with my child. So I dont know what I am asking I just have a million things are going through my mind. The babies father wont even talk to me about it all and when I mention it he just gets angry. I have looked at the options but, what am I looking at financially? If he does end up leaving me, I don't have friends or family here how is that going to work giving birth ect? What about when I go back to work, sometimes I work until 9 or 10 oclock at night, and granted i could probally do the work from home or even bring the child with me how fair is that to the child. There is alot to thing about to either preapre myself for this child, or the other way an abortion. I just don't know what to do. Also, adoption is not an option. Part of me is like you want a child you would be happy taking care of someone other than yourself and the other half of me is like what about my life I have now, my career ect.. Any advice or input would be apperciated.
Thanks, ↓
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| Name: Lizzi | Date: Feb 28th, 2007 9:00 PM |
| You really are in a pickle! And you are running out of time as far as an abortion goes. Beings you haven't done that yet I think you are leaning more toward having the child. Your relationship with this man makes no since to me really. It's like you are together but yet you aren't. It isn't up to him if you have this baby or not. It is solely YOUR decision. In my honest opinion from what I'm hearing here,I think having this baby might actually make you happy. you already know you can work from home if need be and that's a BIG PLUS!!!!! What you could do is start getting used to the idea of working from home and even trying it out to see how you like it. I think you can make things work out o.k. Maybe over time your boyfriend,(who's not your boyfriend,lol) will be o.k. with the idea of a baby comming but even if he leaves,it's HIS loss! You and this baby can have a happy life together without this guy around. and if he leaves,so be it. You aren't going to be alone forever. One day you will meet someone who doesn't mind you having a child and who will be willing to love you both just the way you are! I wish you much luck! :) ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Mar 1st, 2007 12:25 AM |
| i agree with lizzi by the sounds of it he is probably scared of the responsibitlity a baby brings most men are he could warm to the arrival of the baby and support you 100% although as you already know you are running out of time you need to make a decision fast and not worry to much about what he wants or thinks. im a single parent of 2 and yes it is hard work ive worked whilst being a mum to my eldest and will be returning to work when my youngest is a yr old but my family are just round the corner luckily. Could you not move closer to your family it might kick him up the arse if you stand on your own 2 feet? ↑ |
| Name: sarahgw | Date: Mar 1st, 2007 3:16 AM |
| While it would be nice to be closer to family it wouldnt make sense for me to financially. I love my job here and I make decent money for a 23 year old. If I moved home I wouldnt be able to make that kind of money. Plus, I would have to find a job and that wouldnt be the easiest thing to do in Southern Mississippi while pregnant. Not to mention my medical benefits cover 100% maternity care an no copay which is just great, and my job here is so flexible and the benefits of working everyother day or working from home are wonderful because my job is family geared and really takes care of its pregnant women. So that is an amazing plus. ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Mar 1st, 2007 10:33 PM |
| sounds like a great job well you could just do what you think is best for you if you believe you can look after this baby have it childcare will be ok have you got any friends that you trust? ↑ |
| Name: terry-28 | Date: Mar 3rd, 2007 12:15 AM |
go to your nearest department of human services and ask them to help you. i would not mention this to your boyfriend,
just go.
good luck ↑ |
| Name: gimlost2 | Date: Mar 4th, 2007 9:21 AM |
| From one Mississippian to another. Your situation is not that uncommon. Please give adoption a chance before you decide on an abortion . My adopted son has become a man he is turning 19 and left home tonight. Without him my life would not have been worth much. He is the best thing that happened to me. The chance to raise him, bike wrecks, bloody knees, etc. I was not ready for marriage when i decided to adopt. So for a while i was a single father. I finally married his 3rd grade teacher.. ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Mar 5th, 2007 5:32 PM |
wow...so many other women would scratch your eyes out to have the options you have....LOL
have the baby...work from home...take baby to daycare one day a week to give yourself a break...let the claytons boyfriend( the boyfriend you have when you dont really have a boyfriend!!1..LOL) get used to the idea and figure out that you DONT need him...whatever his hangup ...DONT MAKE IT YOURS :-)))
i think you will be peachy keen to be a mummy...good luck to you ↑ |
| Name: bjl07 | Date: Mar 7th, 2007 3:47 PM |
It sounds like your gut is telling you to keep the child. It seems like one of the sad consequences of legalized abortion is that it has given the fathers permission to put pressure on the woman to have an abortion, and has given them freedom not to be responsible for the baby. I definitely wouldn't let him pressure you into the abortion. Your experience after having had one is the same as friends of mine who had one. Depression and regret. I really do believe it doesn't have to mean the end of your life or plans, just a different course. You have already thought through a lot of what it would take to have the baby and keep it. It is awesome that you have such good medical coverage. That will help so much. Have you ever heard of a pregnancy resource center or pregnancy care center in your area? These are places that can provide not only materials support to you, everything from furniture to diapers, but the women there can be there for you emotionally, too. The worst is feeling like you are in it alone. Just knowing that someone is there with you along the way can help so much. Many of them provide parenting classes. They may even be able to provide you with a free ultrasound, depending on the center. There is a number you can call to find the closest center to you, it is 1-800-395-HELP, or their website is www.pregnancycenters.org. I am also here for you!
Let us know how you are. Yes, this isn't how you planned it to be, but lots of life is like that. You aren't deciding whether to be a mother, you already are. ↑ |
| Name: oklcowgirl26 | Date: Mar 23rd, 2007 3:31 AM |
| I want to adopt ur baby [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: dmt | Date: Apr 5th, 2007 1:03 AM |
I WOULD LOVE TO GIVE YOUR BABY A GOOD LOVING STABLE HOME.
EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[email protected]
m
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