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I am a single father with an eleven year old daughter. Her mother recently died and she is taking it quite badly. I feel like I don't really know how to connect with her. I used to work a lot before my wife died and didn't see much of my daughter. Now i have taken a leave of absence from work to spend some time at home. How can I connect with my little girl? ↓
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| Name: tiffany | Date: Aug 10th, 2005 2:24 AM |
| I Would Suggest That U Sit Her Down Or Take Her Out On A Father Daughter Date And Start It Off From There. Thats All I Can Think Of Right Now. Let Me Know How It Goes. [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: preggers | Date: Aug 11th, 2005 10:45 PM |
| Allow yourself the permission to realize that it may take some time to "re-connect" on a level that makes you both comfortable. My suspicion tells me that it won't be as hard as you may think. This is a very sensitive time for the both of you and you'll need each other more than ever. Get to know your daughter in her own world....ask her what she would like to do, ask her if she'd like to talk, make the lines of communication as open as possible without any judgment...she may not take you up on the offer right away...but give it time...be persistent in letting her know that you're there for her, and perhaps share some of your own feelings first about your loss. Kids that age sometimes aren't the best at explaining their feelings, but you'd be surprised at how much they're really holding in. Be patient with her, and be open and honest. Things will come around as the situation begins to slowly but surely settle. And my apologies for your loss. ↑ |
| Name: bigdaddy | Date: Aug 13th, 2005 8:30 PM |
Ask around for a good counselor, marriage & family therapist, or psychologist specializing in [i]children[/i] and [i]trauma[/i].
I had a Little Brother (from the Big Brothers program) who lost his father to lung cancer when he was a baby. The best thing I ever did for him (he is in his 30's, now) was to find his father's long-lost brother and get him to sit down with the boy and tell him about his dad (his mother couldn't do that). I held him for four hours while he sobbed through four hours of stories. On our next outing, he smiled at me fot the first time I could remember.
Because you both shared time with mom, you can talk about the good times (over and over again). Just be sure to always acknowledge the bad times as well.
Your daughter may always have issues. NO matter how hard it gets, It would be excellent if she can grow up with a recollection how hard you tried over the years. Do not give up!
And remember: This is just one guy's opinion. Good luck! ↑ |
| Name: Anne-Marie | Date: Sep 9th, 2005 1:04 PM |
Hang in there Dan. Like most things we are not good when we first try, you will just have to hang in there. Give it your best shot, you cant expect her to get over her mother's passing and be able to develop a new relationship at the same time she is too young and emotionally wounded at the moment.
I am sure over a little time you will both learn how to reach out and support one another in your father/daughter ways. Let her come to you. Let her know how much you love her mother and that she will always be strong in both of your hearts and any time she wants to talk about her you are happy to - that may be a door opener for you.
Another may be to do something creative with her, young girls like otoexpress themselves more often than talk to a man so maybe an activity which can bring you closer is an alternative to the confronting and daunting proposition of face to face discussions.
Perhaps do a collage or story board of your late wife, including pictures and stories and memories shared that she can remember, get her to draw, help her design it or maybe she can use the computer with you to create a website that you can both add to.
The key I would suggest at this moment is to no try too hard, you might scare her away. It's harder for you I imagine because you dont know what it feels like to be a female at that age and cant take into consideration the hormones and normal feelings she is experiencing and have no one really to explain them to you.
She is exploring the world through young eyes soon to be a young woman and her understanding of men is complex at this stage, so I would say befriend her to a degree but let her know she has you to lean on, you are there for her anytime, even the middle of the night. She will be feeling scared so you must be her big strong daddy as well as her comfort.
I am sure you will figure it out and I really wish you all the luck in the world. I would love to hear how it's going. Take care :) ↑ |
| Name: Simon | Date: Oct 4th, 2005 1:24 AM |
| Just genuinely take an interest in her and what she is doing. ↑ |
| Name: christina | Date: Nov 6th, 2005 1:34 PM |
| that little girl is lucky to have you! my father was an alcoholic growing up. i am 19 now and i have only seen him twice in my life. have patience with her. with you being gone so much during her childhood, especially if she hasnt had any other male role models in her life, it's going to be a hard change for her to open up to you just because youre a male. patience and sensitivity are the two best qualities to have in this situation, or at least that's what ive found helpful throuhgout the years when dealing with a similar situation when i was your daughters age. the people who i opened up to the most were the ones who didnt pressure me to talk to them or spend time with, but just came across to me as they genuinely cared for me and not because they felt like they had some sort of obligation to be there for me. i dont know. i think im rambling now. i hope that helped a little. all i gotta say, is that i wish i had a father like you who would have taken an interest in my life. she really is very lucky to have you... and because of your loss, youre lucky to have her in your life too; she will probably help you more than you'll help her! all the best. ↑ |
| Name: sally | Date: Jan 6th, 2006 10:27 PM |
how sad this is and how hard it must b 4 both of u, she is very lucky to have u 4 a farther.Do you have other family support like aunties nanna etc? as it wont b 2 long b 4 she starts going through puberty etc and will probably feel more comfortable speaking to another female.
The best thing you can do now 4 your daughter is let her know u will b there and b patient with her, always talk 2 her because she has had such a geat loss in her life. I truly wish both of you the best ↑ |
| Name: jame | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 4:27 AM |
| i'm so sorry for your loss. I can tell you my mother passed when i was 16, and it was terrible. I'am 25 now and i can tell you my dad is my best friend. The best advice i can tell you is be close to her. Assure her that you will always be there. Do things with her that maybe her mother did. Try to bond as much as possible. Laugh with her. I know this is hard to say, but she has to grieve. Look at some pictures of her mother together. Talk about good times. Ask her what her feelings are, because she won't tell you. I hope all goes well. if you ever need someone to talk to, email me [email protected] ↑ |
| Name: draconos159 | Date: Feb 4th, 2006 5:16 PM |
why don't you ask her to go to the cinema with you, ask her what she wants to see and where she wants to go after for dinner, i am a young boy who is going through some dificult times of my own as are family has nearly been killed once, and the only thing i know that helps me through the tough times is my remaning family still being thier for me. if you do things like this every other week or so soon she will start talking to you and when that happens you need to stay stroung for her, and if all that fails try having family time where you sit down and just talk over a take away meal and a nice quiet film.
please take this into consideration, draconos159 a 13 year old boy ↑ |
| Name: Angela | Date: Mar 12th, 2006 12:52 AM |
| I think that the best thing to do is to talk with your daughter about her mother and let her see you cry over it. That way she will not feel so alone in her own grieving and she will feel closer to you and then you two can talk and become more open with each other and then your relationship will build from there. Then, when you've established a strong foundation, you could ask her if she would like to go some where and maybe the two of you could go to Disney land or somewhere fun so you two could bond more and bring some happy memories into your lives. ↑ |
| Name: thats me draconos159 | Date: Jun 30th, 2006 8:39 AM |
| i wrote that and amy norris has forgotten my birthday 25/06/92 ↑ |
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