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I am a single mother of two great little boys ages 4 and 1. After their father left before my youngest was even a month old I started to fall for a close friend of mine- he had been seperated 6mths from his wife before we started casually dating and by the time i realized it , it was to late. I had fallen head over heels and so had my oldest son who has no contact with his father any more. We were together for 8mths when his wife said she wanted him back, he felt he could not throw away a relation ship of over 10 yrs and i supported him though i love him and it hurts to loose him. To add to complications i have found out i am 2mths pregnant. The major problem on top of this is my oldest son, he is hurt by the men in his life leaving and yesterday i realized how hurt he is, when we were watching a cartoon with a mom, dad, and baby. He looked at me and told me"no daddy" "I don't want a daddy" I am now worried and heart broken. I keep trying to do the right thing but now i am simply lost, please any advice will help ↓
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| Name: nwass | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 3:31 AM |
| If he is telling you that he does not want a daddy it means that he feels heart broken for you both. He is upset at the fact that men keep appearing and disappearing in his life. But at the same time his heart is broken because your heart is being broken. Make sense? He is starting to come to his own rationization of male and female interactions on a relationship level and it the future isnt looking to bright in his eyes. Although he may learn the "seriousness" of a good relationship because he can see that it upsets the woman. He also may learn from the males that he can leave a relationship at the drop of a hat. I may sound rude, which I'm not trying to be, but stay single for a while. I know its hard, but dont bring men around the children until you KNOW its working, without any strings attached. As for your pregnancy, the oldest is at an age where you can focus his attention on being the "man of the house," have his take part in your everyday responsibilities so that he can learn a positive role as a man. ↑ |
| Name: silentraven22 | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 3:44 AM |
| Thankyou and i agree with the no dating for awhile, i can't bare to see my son hurt. He loves being a big brother and i have even told him mommy is having another baby. He said its okay is long he gets another baby brother -Thanks again it helps just having someone listen ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 15th, 2007 9:26 PM |
| hiya im 21 with 2 girls a 4 yr old and a 7 month old. My kids dad left when i was 5 months pregnant with my 2nd and i have not seen him since. My oldest has been hurt in the past by men coming in and out of her life although i was seeing the in a romantical sense they were just friends that she had got very attached to and then they dissapeared of the scene. It hurt me to see her like that and now makes me very weary about who is around my kids. i met a great guy 7 months ago but only let him meet my kids after we had been together 6 months things are going good now. My suggestion is reassure him you wont leave if he feel like you will and when you do get involved with another man give it a while b4 you let him meet your boys then you can judge what kind of bloke he is. Also if you havent told this bloke that you are pregnant and you are keeping the baby you should tell him things might go ok. ↑ |
| Name: silentraven22 | Date: Feb 16th, 2007 5:19 AM |
| yeah, he knows. I told him. He says he doesn't know what to do, he can't leave the family he is trying to fix(they have a 9 yr old daughter)but he wants to still be friends and help when he can and be part of the baby's life in some way, just not a father ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 20th, 2007 7:20 PM |
| nice of him how do you feel about that? ↑ |
| Name: silentraven22 | Date: Feb 21st, 2007 9:27 PM |
| honestly i feel completly lost. I love him and want my child to know its father, yet it hurts knowing he doesn't want to be with me and the baby. That i am not good enough. Sorry i just feel like crying. It hurts when he calls(really hurts that he still tells me he loves me)yet it hurts when he doesn't. When i see him it is like a knife in my stomach. And sense his wife doesn't know about the baby, i have to keep the baby a secret. And because i keep his secret i feel cheap and well. like i said i am completely lost and i don't know to do. I also worry that it may get to confusing for all my kids. And though he'd be in the baby's life. it'll never know thats its father. i just don't know ↑ |
| Name: sunshine | Date: Feb 21st, 2007 9:58 PM |
| maybe you shoulg take a break from any males in your lfie and make your sure your son knows you are never going to leave him and that he only needs you, i cant realy help much on this subject but i have msn if you want to chat? ↑ |
| Name: mel211985 | Date: Feb 22nd, 2007 4:10 AM |
| i know exactly how you feel there i found out that my kids dad had got married behind my back he still phones me to tell me he misses me and that he loves me i know he is lying and that he just wants sex coz he is still with his wife. My kids wont ever see him because they have to remain secret, he will never tell his wie and i wont ever get the chance to tell her. My youngest is 7 months she will never know him because he refuse to be know as her dad for fear of being caught out. But i realised my kids are better without him as he is unreliable and a liar. If this bloke cared about you in the slightest he would step up to his responsibilities i dont understand what the problem is he wasnt having an affair as such they were seperated so his wife has no reason to complain. ↑ |
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