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My mom had seven children and now, looking back, I can see that she was agoraphobic. I'm now experiencing generalized anxiety since I quit my part-time job to stay at home with my 4/12 yr old and 2 year old. Anyone else out there experiencing this? Maybe I'm just not cut out for this. It feels like I have too much time to think about myself. I try to stay busy, but I really don't think that keeping up the house is all that interesting. ↓
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| Name: Maxie | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 5:51 PM |
Housework its almost tooooooo much fun for anyone is'nt it????!!!#@**! With this post here a few days, see the responses you will find.
To be honest I'm not certain what generalized anxiety is... but by the sounds of the rest, I sort of get the picture.
Ann, I had been working since I was 13. Not hard luck story...just fact. Point is, it was all I knew. I had my first child at 38 on my own. At least by this age I had grown up enough to accept the responsibility....thank goodness!!! Anyway I did return to work for a period of about 5 months only. Then I swithched course and stayed at home. Choice made with my now husband.
Yup at first it was great. Only because it was diffrent than what I was used to. And naturally because I had the time I dreamed of with my daughter. Then came baby number two.
I have been home now for six years. And so sad to say its only now that I am accepting it and begining to enjoy it.
My children are two years apart so at one time its was babies and me. To make matters worse we finally decied to get married. Who do ya think did all the prep and ready??? My family lives a thousand miles away and his is.. rich high and mighty. We wed in our back yard (was'nt up to snuff aparently) so I was on my own and most brides do this too.
One month of bliss later we took a Sunday family drive. We found a house. Ooooh the house was still standing and very sound. Beautiful land but the inside was thrashed. Old grow op it was. You just cant imagine!!!!! To explain the interior disaster would take half the day...whos got time. The short version... we had a 20 yard dump bin dropped and loaded it full. We should have gotten a 40 we made so many trips to the dump. My kids were then three and seven months. Looking back I truly dont know how I managed!!??????? But I did.
Reno, reno, reno! Thats all I have (along with my husband) been doing along with taking care of my children and trying endlessly to make a home from a pit. Our neighbours love us! Land was cleared. Me, myself, built my first pond and stocked it. I do drywall, electrical, I repair everything from my kids toys to my husbands tools you name it hon...I do it. And can I mention during all of this I found I had post pardem. At one point I was a total mess and exhausted.
After the esentials required to this home have been done and until we do the two aditions we want, I found I had tooooooo much time to think. Not that I ignor my kids but the adult conversations were nearly null and void. I knew no one here and the family stuff his and mine left me quit nearly alone and sometimes very lonely. We didnt even have the internet until a week ago. Not until my daughter started pre-shcool did I meet anyone. And it was short and sweet because we live in the country and school was in the city. No real connections made aside for the odd extra play date. And might I add, usually at my home, child dropped by parent and quick exit sought! But for the sake of my child I endured.
In the mean time laundry, dishes, toy pick up, dusting, vacumming, the usual drill had me near break down. LOL!!!!!! How boreing. Its about as far away for interesting Ann as you are experiencing.
I wrote a post under "my six month old is driveing me crazy" I believe it was called. Now not that I know anything but you are just two years into your last child. I know what I went through at that point and havent any idea if it would apply to yourself. But just take a moment and read it if so inclined. Actually there are two posts there from me its the second that I'm on about. It may not just be the housework hon.
Regardless, I truly believe that if you can manage to stick it out remember... they grow. You will reach a point where either you begin to accept it and honestly really enjoy it...or you will truly know that work is a better for you. It really does take time to figure this out. Eventually you only have one to take grocery shopping and then at least two morning to yourself after that if you choose pre-school for the youngest.
For the time being...just know you are not alone. A good many of us have been where you are now. Get on the net when you things a twirling around in your head. Once you get them out it doesnt have a chance to turn into more than it is. And that can happen so easily.
See if you have places to go in your area where the kids could play and you find conversation with other moms. Just get out of the house once a day for an hour or so. Taking them for a walk and forget about the pile of jobs at home. They will always be there if your in the house or not. And each day just a new pile in a diffrent spot! LOL!
If nothing else from this post...believe this You are Not Alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best wishes Ann. ↑ |
| Name: Ann | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 6:08 PM |
| Thanks for writing back, Maxie. I am truly surprised that I didn't get more responses. As a (now former!) registered nurse, I see women that are on anti-depressants ALL the time. I truly thought that more women would write in about the social isolation of staying at home, and how that can contribute to feelings of anxiety. I know I'm not the only one. Maybe it's too hard for some people to see inside? I stayed home for the first two years after my second child was born. Going back to work for the last 10 months (part-time) was rewarding, yet frustrating with the whole child-care thing. That's why I decided to stay home again. Probably won't be long for me, though. I had my first child at 35, second at 37. I, too, had worked since my teens. Probably this just isn't my cup of tea. I know that I need to do something, probably volunteer work at this point. ↑ |
| Name: E | Date: Jan 20th, 2006 7:49 PM |
Ann - I think not many women responded to you because you approached it with a clinical label, and not many women - in my opinion - consider their feelings clinical, though undoubtedly in some cases they would better seek help.
I personally have a feeling of mild isolation - but I am not a social butterfly to start with. Any social interactions have posed some hurdle for me to overcome. In addition, having had children so late in life I treasure it so much more, for example I can't side with lots of loneliness and frustration expressed here by the younger moms. I can't get enough of looking at my son's first steps - that's the best ever sight, in my opinion. Still more, I had had so much experience being single for so many years - I feel like I know it all and seen it all and nothing can surprise me in any workplace. Only these developing lives can. ↑ |
| Name: Maxie | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 2:24 AM |
Good idea Ann, you could do it at your own pace and when time permits. Registered Nurse, oh my golly, anyone, any area would love to have your assistance! Sky is very nearly the limit.
Or...not that you need more education but for fun and taking your mind off the daily grind...school. If you felt you need a sitter for the hours your at it find one. I believe you can do almost any thing online these days. Something might interest you other than the medical field..?
Being at home just isnt for everyone. My sister is one of those folks. She loves her daughter dearly but couldnt wait to get back to work.
As for me I am holding out for the next couple of years...then I want my grade twelve (long story and boreing) then study law. Always has interested me though I could not see myself defending a child molester or killer of any kind. I'll cop out and go for contract law. Debates are always fun...especially if you know what your talk'in about.
Your smart, you'll find a way and who knows after a few days posted, you'll likely hear from more of us.
Let us know how its going. Day to day or week to week whatever, whenever I'll be looking for your posts.
Type at ya later! ↑ |
| Name: lonely | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 3:26 PM |
well i was going through this, anxiety, i was prescribed some medicine to relax and sleeping pills cuz i couldn't sleep at nights. I just started working and its not gettin better, i still get those out of breath attacks and dizziness, And everytime i'm at the doctors they tell me visit a psychologist, maybe we should?? I got 2 kids 2yrs and 9mths and i'm 5 mths pregnant, But the main reason is probs with hubby.
\good luck ↑ |
| Name: amanda | Date: Jan 21st, 2006 7:52 PM |
| Go out there and work and let a nanny raise your kid, than you'll feel happier alike you're doing something fo youself ↑ |
| Name: Ann | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 4:50 AM |
| Thanks for your response, Amanda. I'm not interested in having a nanny raise my children, though. When I first had my kids, I worked every weekend so that my husband could be with the kids. I was trying to start a what I felt was a relevant discussion for me, which is the anxiety I'm experiencing right now. The simplistic answer of having someone else raise my children doesn' t feel constructive. ↑ |
| Name: Chris | Date: Jan 22nd, 2006 5:57 AM |
| Hi Ann, I read your post before today and didn't respond but I thought I would respond after reading some of the other post. I think staying at home with our kids can sometimes be a double edge sword. I can honestly say when I was working I thought how wonderful it would be to stay at home with my son. I would read, play with him etc....... All those wonderful things us Moms are supposed to do. While pregnant with my daughter I was laid off from my job and we discussed my staying home. I thought how wonderful my life would be. But I find that I have more time to stress about everything about my children. I think it's because I do have more time on my hands and I am able to see what they are up too at almost every minute of the day. Don't get me wrong I enjoy being with my kids and I know that this is an oppurtunity of a life time but I think that's why we may have more emotional problems because we feel guilty for having certain feelings. Other ladies don't want to hear our complaints because we're being ungrateful. I think that no one's life is perfect. We do the best we can with what we have but hang in there with what ever you decide because as women we will always have anxiety and panic attacks we have the hardest job of all being women. ↑ |
| Name: paula | Date: Jan 27th, 2006 3:15 AM |
| hi ann i have suffered form anxiety for the past three years since my son started school i am slowley working through this with the help of meds . i have a thyroid condition and this is aparntly causing the condition but i felt that i had to much time to run and rerun them in my head i love the school holidays as life feels much faster and less time to think about being alone. ↑ |
| Name: kylie jorgensen | Date: Jan 30th, 2006 7:00 AM |
| i know how u feel house work suxs and u know u need to do it but there are days when u just don't want to do it so i just do the basics (washing up,basic clean) so don't worry there are people out therehow are feeling exactly like u. ↑ |
| Name: Mandy | Date: Jan 30th, 2006 11:41 PM |
| I have a 14 and 5 year old and i stay at home. im a full time carer to my 5 year old and my husband.Sometimes i get panic attacks if i stress out too much, but you have to change your way of thinking to cope with it.Being home all day dosent worry me though,i potter in my garden,play the computer ect. You have to develope a hobby, and things will eventually get better in the end...they always do. ↑ |
| Name: Lisa | Date: Mar 28th, 2006 11:16 PM |
| I suffer from anxiety,depression and agoraphobia too.It aint fun either.Meds and counseling.....Both suck!!Bipolar runs in my family too.i only do what I have to outside the house and cant wait to get back home.Ive also gained alot of weight over the years because Im (afraid) to get out and enjoy the nice weather.So I sit all day every day.I have been like this for several years.The only one who can change me is me,I know that but fear stops me in my tracks from doing anything.I feel worthless everyday because I am non-productive.Im not sure where to turn because a counselor cant hold my hand and walk me through life.So I am just here thats all.I lost friends because I refused to go out and have fun with them.Prozac helped a little for depression but Im yet to find anything for my anxiety that works.Let me know here if anything helps you.Whatever you do dont let yourself get fat.Its harder than hell to lose it!!! ↑ |
| Name: lili | Date: Mar 28th, 2006 11:55 PM |
| Ann, I am currently on zoloft for depression and anxiety. I have 2 kids almost 2 years apart and have been a sahm for almost 6 yrs now. I worked for almost one year a while ago and I was actually happy then but my parents moved and I did not trust anyone else to be with my girls so I had to quit. The anxiety is usually over somethinf bad happening to someone I love or getting sick myself, what is yours about? I was on zoloft for a year then I weaned myself off. But after 2 months had to start up on it again. Today is one of those not good days for me. I kow what you mean about the housework. I feel like all I do is clean up and play taxi driver all day. I love my girls but I have no life of my own anylonger. The thing is I would not even know where to begin to get a life at this point nor would I have the energy to socialize. I just feel tired and alone. ↑ |
| Name: Kathy | Date: Apr 1st, 2006 2:50 AM |
| Just curious- how many are on any anti depressants while being a SAHM? do they help? are there side affects? Are they expensive to get even with insurance? did you go to pcp or did they refer you to mental health providers? ↑ |
| Name: Patti | Date: Apr 3rd, 2006 6:06 AM |
| I just found this forum. I started having panic attacks after my second child. I was 28 when they started- 31 now. I'm a stay at home mom. I'm struggling right now to get off effexor which is another whole story! But I sometimes think I just wasn't meant to be a mom. Everyone says I am great mom- except a few jewels in my hubbie's family. But the STRESS from the noise, the crying, the "i want, I want, I want" It really is enough to give you panic attacks. There's never any down time for us. They say make time for yourself. Uh, yeah right! When? and WHERE? A friend of mine told me in the American medical Journal it stated that 1 out every 3 Americans have panic disorder. I truly believe when my kids start school I will time alone and the panic attacks will subside. Hang in there! ↑ |
| Name: TO Ann | Date: Apr 6th, 2006 10:55 PM |
| i used to have anxiety and depression until i quit thinking poor me all the time. when you are a stay at home mom you just have to get up take care of the kids,and handle your business. i have 6 kids and i am very young. also you have to remember you kids won't be little forever, so i know it is hard, but try to put yourself aside for a while and remember it is your kids turn to be little and have someone take care of them. they didnt ask to be brought here so they deserve the best mommy, no matter if your home or at work, always give your best they will grow up better people, remember your raising young adults. ↑ |
| Name: VIVIAN | Date: Apr 10th, 2006 6:31 PM |
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GO TO MY SITE
http://tinyurl.com/m4m4w ↑ |
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