Lately i have been sleeping on the couch, because isabelle just will NOT sleep in her cot in mine and my boyfriends bedroom... it dosnt matter if i put her to sleep 1st then carefully put her in the cot .. either way she will always wake up about 10 - 20 mins later. so pretty much im up all night every 20 mins !!
i find if i sleep on the couch she sleeps for hours at a time and i get a good nights rest.. cause i mean my boyfriend never gets up to her in the night.. ONLY me !
Anywho my boyfriend is complaining of being lonely and depressed about me not spending that time in bed with him anymore because before isabelle came along we used to enjoy our time in bed cuddling..
i feel like my boyfriend is being really selfish and thinking about his own self... im bloody tired.. i clean the house.. even take out the rubbish.. get upto the baby all night long.. and spend all day long with the baby.. and hes complaining im not spending enough time with him !!
MY question is.. AM i being selfish ?? or is it him ??
SHOULD i make more of an effort to meet his needs too ??
i just want a good nights rest.. and if sleeping on the couch lets me.. then i want to =( ↓
|
|
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:42 PM |
| if i sleep on the couch WITH her on my chest... ** ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:44 PM |
No your not being selfish he is!
Your baby is still young and needs her mum it would not hurt him to get up in the night and help you out a bit more though. ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:45 PM |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:46 PM |
| not a problem you sound really down in the dumps today,i hope you feel better soon. ↑ |
| Name: Emma2 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:47 PM |
rosey. from everything that you've posted about him here - my honest opinion is "NO" -- yeah, we all complain about our husbands not helping out enough and how exhausted we are, but i believe that for the majority of us it's not that bad...you on the other hand seem to genuinely have NO HELP. rosey honey. that's not ok. he should be helping you....he should be working...he should be INVOLVED. of course he's lonely and misses you...he's used to being the baby and he's been replaced. in my opinion you could do so much better. you're a cute girl and very bright. you deserve someone who will treat you as an equal, not someone who's sole purpose in life is to cater to your boyfriends every whim.
if i were you -- i'd tell him that once you start getting the help that you need and deserve THEN you'll have time to think about your relationship, but as it is now you only have enough energy for you and isabelle ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:48 PM |
| emma2 i could not have said it better myself. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:50 PM |
| how old is your baby? will she sleep in anything else during the day? like a swing? Lex was like that for a bit, so we brought the swing up into our room and he'd sleep in there for quite a while....also, we found he was too uncomfortable in the bassinet cause he was outgrowing it, so now we have him in the playpen, and he's been sleeping from 10-6 solid....so nice....maybe try giving her a bath and a big bottle just before bed....ALSO...lol...with Anika, we found when she got a bit older she was having problems sleeping in our room, cause she'd hear us, so once we gave her her own room, it was no problem.....don't know what else to say....but i know that if they get used to you packing them around constantly and letting them sleep on you all the time, then that's what they'll get used to...maybe just suffer through a few more sleepless nights and make her fall asleep without you holding her. idk.....good luck to you anyways... :-) ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:51 PM |
damn that made me cry emma =(
im so run down.. i dunno wtf to do. ↑ |
| Name: bmes | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:52 PM |
| also.....i've NEVER let my kids sleep in our bed....i didn't want to have problems wiht that down the road....James and I like 'our' time way too much....with his busy schedule, it's basically the only time we got for just the two of us ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:52 PM |
| shes 2 months bmes.. she will sleep anywhere aslong as its on me ! ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:53 PM |
Andrew had a problem a little while back were he would not sleep,i know he is older than your lil one rosey but try this:
Just sit on the floor next to her cot she will be able to sense you in the room and when she has fallen asleep creep out,it takes andrew ten mins to fall asleep this way and most nights he goes throught the night but even at the age of 3 he sometimes still wakes up. ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:54 PM |
Name: ..RoSey.. • Date: 08/26/2007 10:52:57
shes 2 months bmes.. she will sleep anywhere aslong as its on me ! =
Name: lynne_28 • Date: 08/26/2007 10:53:19
Andrew had a problem a little while back were he would not sleep,i know he is older than your lil one rosey but try this:
Just sit on the floor next to her cot she will be able to sense you in the room and when she has fallen asleep creep out,it takes andrew ten mins to fall asleep this way and most nights he goes throught the night but even at the age of 3 he sometimes still wakes up. =
Oh maybe dont try this then i think she is too young. ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 2:55 PM |
| Well i have to go and check on the roast potato's i really do think that you need to sit your bf down and chat with him about how worn out you are and tell him that you need help,after all she is his baby too,to be honest if he wont help out more then he is not really worth your time. ↑ |
| Name: Emma2 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:04 PM |
| go ahead and cry sweetie -- maybe it'll make you feel better. having a small baby is so hard on relationships -- my husband and i have fought more in the last year than ever before, but we're getting the hang of it. the thing is that your bf has to be willing to work on fixing this problem too. you can't fix it alone. ↑ |
| Name: ..RoSey.. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:25 PM |
| i feel like i cant ask him to help without making him angry because he never even wanted this baby........... im too scared to ask encase i piss him off. ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:27 PM |
Weather he wanted the baby or not should not matter now that she is here!
Dany never wanted me to have andrew,so at the time i said to him "look i am keeping this baby if you dont like it theres the door"
He choose to stay,just like your bf has. ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:28 PM |
He needs to start thinking about you now you had a baby 2 months ago it takes at least a year for your horemones to settle down,he needs to think about that!
Maybe show him this page? ↑ |
| Name: Emma2 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:33 PM |
| are you afraid that he'll hurt you or just afraid that he'll throw it in your face that he never wanted her? ↑ |
| Name: lynne_28 | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:35 PM |
| If he does either than he is not a real man! ↑ |
| Name: Randi | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:36 PM |
| Rosey, don't be afraid to ask. Isabelle was just as much of a shock to you as she was to him. That is no excuse to be a deadbeat dad. He needs to get off WOW and off his ass and get a job. He needs to support you. You need a break to sometimes. ↑ |
| Name: maxieellis | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 3:43 PM |
Ya know rosey as a single mom.....(yes i know your not just go the flow for a minute) i knew that if i didn't make a "schedule" for Olivia......and ensure by the tiny steps that are permitted as they grow where bedtime is an issue......i was gonna have some real serious trouble. I was gonna have to go back to work at some point.....and in order to function well.....i was gonna need to have a good nights sleep.
I would give Olivia a bath and bottle before bed every night...(maybe not a full tub every night might be a wash with a cloth wash down) but always a bottle before bed. Sure in the beginning she would wake up at night....like any other baby...and yes naturally i responded. The point i am making....is as she grew.....she was by a tender age, very used to a "routine." You know your child's cry......and knowing full well she was just fine....but just fussing, I would reassure once....no eye contact.....and leave. Yup.....she might still cry......but i didn't go back in. In no time flat.....if i put her down.....was out completely for a few hours at least by then. As time passed roesy......it was bed at 8:00 and to this day.........its 8:00....SHE doesn't want to stay up any longer. I dont know how much she weighs right now...but by about 12 pounds.....she should sleep better for you. But roesy.....though i know we all do what we need to, to achieve that required sleep.......it is sooooooo much better in the end for both of you...if you put an end to her on your tummy. Already she has found this to be her.........routine. Cant sleep well with out you. YOU NEED for her to be able to do so. When she is weight wise big enough.......its time.
A hot water bottle filled with just fairly warm water.....on her tummy after bottle and burp......may also help calm her. Just while you hold her and rock.......REPLACE the hot water bottle with your hand when you put her down.......just hold it on her tummy gently......and assure.......(and yeah if could take a few minutes) but as she nods off......at some point you will know when to tip toe out.
As for your boyfriend. Well lololol......hell didn't we all enjoy cuddle time BEFORE kids. Ya know rosey......if your brest feeding right now.........well he wouldn't be a help.....and really couldn't be. BUT if you bottle feed her......................just exactly how does he think....she got here??? Men....their precious sleep......well its precious alright....have him take a good look at YOU!!! Sleep might help your eyeballs from twirling in opposite directions humm?? He is gonna at some point have to make an effort to do his part at night........or the cuddles and anything else are gonna come to a grinding halt!!!!!!! By the time Isabelle is down for the night .............so will you be......cuz you know the next feeding is right around the corner. If he thinks hes complaining now..........just wait!!! He needs to GET IT........this is really a job for two people. Took two of you to get her here.......the job isn't over. :) Regardless your age.....sleep depravation......has its effects. Unless he is prepared to get up on alternate nights with isabelle.......in four more months....its gonna be .....a similar story.......but worse. For your own sanitly....for the betterment of a productive day....you need to set a routine with baby.....as soon as she has reached a certain weight. Reasure.....if required ......and then let her learn to fall asleep on her own. The first few nights NOT on mama's chest are gonna be tough. She may scream up a storm night one....but you know. She is bathed, fed, burped, diaper fine, rocked, assured................she will eventually stop crying. ONLY if you dont keep running back.
Your not being selfish..........im sure we all agree. As for time with bf......well, you do what you can.....but this is a new avenue in life....for the moment...just for a moment.....it has to come first. Once its sorted out......you will both be happier. You with proper BED rest......he with attention. Difficult place to be i understand.......but mama.........be strong. Do what you must to ensure everyone sleeps well.....and insist he take his turn on alternate nights......when the time comes.
All the best rosey ....... ↑ |
| Name: Dawn C. | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 5:40 PM |
Emma said it perfectly!! Your BF is not helpless...Isabelle is. Yes he does probably need some alone time with you but for now she must come first. He needs to grow up PERIOD! This is a big change for both of you but he doesn't seem to be doing his fair share...or any share at all for that matter. Doesn't he realize that by helping you with his daughter that he is giving you some much needed rest which in turn will give you more energy to be with him??? Good luck Rosey...I'll be thinking about you : ))
Just a thought...I would do anything possible to break Isabelle of the habit of sleeping on you. Yes, you desperately need sleep now but this is going to cause big problems with her down the road. ↑ |
| Name: momo | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 5:57 PM |
| Rosey i sleep on the couch and have been for the past couple months..my bf isnt bothered by it because he knows it is best..we do try to make cuddle time for us, but it isnt always possible..you know its never enough sometimes..your either a b**ch cause your tired or one because you dont sleep next to him..either way he has to accept one of the two..he cant have both ↑ |
| Name: marija | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 11:12 PM |
rosey...YES he is selfish.......kick him and then kick him again!!!!
at night place isabelle in for a cuddle with him....then go and sleep on the couch and see how much sleep HE GETS!!!! its not like he gets up and does anything?!? so he doesnt NEED the sleep.
Unless he starts to get with the programme (as in being a father instead of a sooky la-la) GET RID OF HIM!!! Life is less stressful and alot more happier when you KNOW its you and only you instead of a newborn and a BIG baby!
hope it gets better soon :-) ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 11:24 PM |
Rosie ,
I have to ask.......Does he work a wierd schedule or really long hours?
If not....yes he is being very selfish! Time to put that to a stop ...NOW! or it will probably get worse.....
If he works really long days or has a weird schedule, I would find some way to get in some you and him time.......He is probably really missing you, and feeling a bit jealous. ↑ |
| Name: winnmom | Date: Aug 26th, 2007 11:30 PM |
| I ask, because when our youngest was a baby, my hubby worked really long days and only slept for about 4 hours a night.......I did not expect him to help out at nights at all........but he never complained about any thing I did either though..... ↑ |
|
|
