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I have been married a little over 5 years, and in that time my husband has gained 70 lbs. I am so bothered by this because he does not care whatsoever about his health. He hates excercize and will not eat healthy. He was physically active before we got married and stayed in shape, and now doesnt care at all. He has a job where he sits all day. This has completly affected our sex life because I dont feel the physical attraction I used to, and he gets tired so easy, so I have to do all the work. What can I do to make him realize he is unhealthy and this is affecting how I feel about him? I have tried talking to him, but he shuts me down saying things like "you should love me no matter what". Maybe he is right. Maybe I am selfish. I asked him what he would think if I gained a bunch of weight and he said he wouldnt like it at all. What can I do to make things better for us? I really would like him to loose weight! help!! ↓
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| Name: Holly | Date: Apr 11th, 2006 10:20 PM |
| Better get some life insurance on him because a heart attacks comming! Tell him you arent attracted to him at this size and if he doesnt start losing it within a 3 month period of really applying himself and making it a priority,you are going out to search for a man whos in shape who can satisfy you and if you find someone hes in and your husband is out! Tell your husband you will help anyway you can as long as he is really putting forth the effort but if he gives up on his weightloss then you give up on him and will go out to suit your own needs! ↑ |
| Name: Jennifer | Date: Apr 11th, 2006 10:34 PM |
| I have gained alot of weight myself since Ive been married and have to admit my sex life is nothing what it used to be.Its probably down to once every 2-3 months and I know my weight is to blame because I turn my husband off with all these extra pounds. Im disgusted with myself if the truth be known.I have made so many attemps at weightloss and failed every time. If my husband wanted to leave me over it ,I cant say I would blame him.He lusts after women on t.v. and in Playboy all the time,and it hurts my feelings.If you married your husband you married him for better or for worse and honey this is just one sample of the worse.Losing weight is very difficult and if you have never had a weight problem you can never understand what we go through.If you love your husband,I mean really love him,then you will look beyond his weight and see the charming man that you said yes to on your wedding day. If you are still repulsed by his weight then you were never the right person for him in the first place. ↑ |
| Name: dee43701 | Date: Apr 12th, 2006 12:25 AM |
ok my hubby is the same way besides he works road construction so in nice weather he is outside on his feet and walking all day but he gets laid off in the winter so he just sits in the recliner and watches tv he has gain close to 60 lbs since we have been together and he blames it on my pregnancies he says when i ate all the time it made him want to eat anyway i started makeing him eat healthy by i stoped deep frying anything it is baked i put 3/4 of the salt shaker is rice so he thinks he is getting alot of salt but all he is getting is mostly noise i even bought i can't believe its not butter and put it in an empty country crock tub so he don't know the difference i changed from whole milk to 2% starting him off slow. i have even went as far as getting my kids to hit him with water balloons or balls just so he will chase them to get them back there is some excercise i know it sounds mean but we both come from obeise and heart attach families and i am worried about him
any women out there would probably do this if her husband had a heart attack i just don't want it to go that far
so just be creative
all and by the way i have done this for a month or so and he has lost 3 lbs yeah not much but it is a start ↑ |
| Name: Laina | Date: Apr 12th, 2006 5:02 PM |
| Jennifer- Its mostly his health I am worried about, not looks. He is setting himself up to die young. I know a lot of people are overweight and it is hard to loose weight.....I have had 2 kids, I know this, but I believe that if people want to loose weight they will. I think a lot of people are over-weight because they dont take care of themselves. they dont eat right or excersize. Its no ones fault but there own. I know some people have health problems or have to take medications that make them gain, but in the long run.....people are fat becasue they just dont do anything about. ↑ |
| Name: Paula | Date: Apr 12th, 2006 10:27 PM |
Laina,
It is obvious that you DO love your husband! So when he say that you should love him no matter what...respond that it is BECAUSE you love him, etc.
Do you think saying something like the following may help?
"It is easier to love you while you are alive, but if you insists on going on as you do, even though it will be more difficult on me, be assured I will still love you after you are dead too. I just wish that you would love yourself enough to want to stay alive, because with the way you're going, we don't have a whole lot of time left together, and that breaks my heart."
I sort of know what you're talking about because my husband is a big smoker. He smokes in his workshop in the garage so the kids and I are not exposed to it, but his hacking concerns me greatly. But what can you do? He thinks he is immune to what normal humans have to deal with in regards to such health concerns. I gently remind him that although he may be superman in many ways, this is not one of the ways. He is subject to the laws of Nature, just like anyone else, when it comes to his health.
What can you do?
Every few months or so, just little enough to make it seem not like nagging, after he has a hacking session, I look at him, half amused, and ask "now you're keeping up on your life insurance aren't you?" or "you sure that you have enough life insurance to make up for our girls not having a father around anymore?" or "I hope your life insurance is enough to cover a really great vacation for me. For after all the nursing you are going to require of me, while I watch you die in great pain, I'm going to really need one" Then I remind him that I quit after being 2 packs a day, so I realize it is no easy feat. But he really needs to do it, and we need him to also.
But he still smokes
So what can you do. ↑ |
| Name: terri | Date: Apr 14th, 2006 4:45 AM |
| I would feel exactly the same way you do. I try to keep myself looking good and I expect the same of my husband. When my husband turned 30 he gained 10 kilos (not sure what that is in lbs) and he worked his butt off to loose it because he knows how I feel about weight issues. Look I dont care if other people or overweight thats not for me to judge but when its my husband, I would defitley been turned off. ↑ |
| Name: in the same boat | Date: May 11th, 2006 5:46 PM |
Laina,
I know exactly how you feel. Since we've be married (4 y) my husband has put on ]40 lb. He use to wear a 36/38 inch waist & now he is up to a 42. He has more cellulite on his gut, than I do on my butt (& I have A LOT). If I say anything (even health related) he gets his feelings hurt. He is a great father & husband, but physically he has gotten gross.
I've stopped buying any sweets, & have been cooking "light" meals, but he eats large quanities of crap when he's not home. Then when he does get home he is so tired from work, exercise is out of the question.
I was hoping that if a Dr told him he needed to lose weight it would help. But, I can't even get him to go to the Dr for a check up.
If you figure out a way to get your husband to lose weight please pass it on. ↑ |
| Name: charla | Date: May 12th, 2006 1:38 PM |
| i have the same problem i have been married going on 11 years this june and i finally had to just take matters into my own hands i bought a really good book called eating for life its buy the same guy who wrote body for life its got over 100 breakfast lunch dinner and snack recipes in it inthe first month we were in it my husband lost 20 pounds his goal is to loose 100 pouns that will put him were je was 11 years ago he doesnt excersice really he works ALOT 40 hours during week and 40 hours on weekend plus hes on call all night during the week so i let the exsecise slide but he is eating so much more heathier and that good enough for me besides we are not old at all he is 32 and i just turned 30 so there is no reason to live that way i have 3 boys and they love the food and snacks from the book there is a whole chapter in there about poisening you kids buy eating unhealthy and you should start young buy teaching them how to eat so theres my spill i hope it helps good luck!! ↑ |
| Name: L | Date: May 12th, 2006 1:47 PM |
| I know in the same boat. and he wont do anything about it. I try and talk to him and he says your right. Well F--- right do something it is affecting evey part of our family and we dont have sex. He cant even go for a walk with me because his knees hurt all the time. Im like well loose 100 pounds. They quality of our relationship is going south here.He just doesnt have the willpower to loose. ↑ |
| Name: SErina | Date: May 12th, 2006 3:39 PM |
My husband & i use to walk. Even if it was fir a shot time.It alos gave us time to talk. I gain weight after I was inuured Now we have only health food in the house no junk food or soda all low fat or part skimmed cheese and lots of veggies.He has lost atleast 10 lbs by just not having soda. Soda has 8 spoon full of sugar in each glasss. We each now drink 32 oz of water day .It helps the weight come off and fills you up too.
You know you might even suggest that he help you get healthy cause you can not do it with out him.He will feel needed and know that what he does will help you. One last thing maybe he should get a physical? If the DR say he needs to lose weight to be healthy taht might help. I do think you gy is correct you should love him know matter what and let him know that you do but tell him that you want him around a long time so you want him healthy.Years ago some guy told me to lose weight I got so upset I ended up gaining. ( I was actually the right weight for my height 5'7" 120 lbs.) I was stupid to listen to him and studpid to go out with a guy like that .
Just try and be as supportive as you can. God bless
Very best of luck ↑ |
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